The Rage Inside

((Consider this your warning if you read this post. Will contain blood and some pretty dark stuff. A bit of torture and abuse. Alex is not meant to be a nice guy. So please read at your own risk. This is what took place between him leaving Aeri’s apartment Sunday afternoon and when he met her for drinks last night. Just from the screenshots I show doesn’t do justice just how cruel he can be as a bad character. I felt it time to give writing the darker side of him a shot.))


The rage boiled in his blood. Seeing her like that had started the howling inside. Anger at the man she had chosen to love and get hurt by. This was a mess. His emotions were a fucked up mess. All over a girl. Over someone who understood him on a level few could.

Hands clenched and released multiple times. Needed pain and blood. Needed to make something hurt. Yet he had nothing. Nothing to release the beast that roared for a throat to tear open. A soft belly to gut.

The thud of flesh meeting stone. A low dangerous snarl. The sound repeated as Alex beat his fist into the wall until his knuckles bled. He couldn’t get the satisfaction of beating the other man’s face. Couldn’t rip into him because he knew what it would do to her. The pain of his bloodied knuckles helped take the edge off the rage howling through him. Yet it wasn’t really enough.

Halone have mercy on him… He’d let himself care about her to the point she had him such an emotional mess. But he couldn’t very well leave her like that. The temptations of that other side of her… Seven hells he wanted to give in so badly but that wasn’t the woman he had fallen for. He had been doing his best to respect her engagement. It would have only hurt her worse to let that dark side of her lure him to the bedroom.

So instead he snarled and pinned her down on that couch. Made her listen to him. Appealed to the better side of her. The woman who saved his life and gave a shit about someone as worthless as him. He could still recall the bite of those nails on his arms as she resisted.

Two broken monsters who clung to each other. Monsters created by heartless people who sold them to the cruel people who would mold and break them. Until they were nearly as heartless. Sharpening claws and fangs. Stoking inner fires to the point of shaping those broken children into dangerous beasts who would prowl the shadows and enjoy letting the blood of others soak their skin.

Ever since her though… He’d been walking a finer line. Something about her made the beast easier to deal with yet more terrible at the same time. Like now…
Alex prowled off, blood dripping from his fingers as it ran from his busted knuckles. Went hunting. Except not for people. Not yet. He was too unstable to hunt people. Yet he needed to stab something. Anything.

It was hours later that he returned to the place he shared with Aeri and Cotoka. Quietly he checked in on the Au Ra girl as he had promised. Sleeping soundly it looked like. Silently he prowled to his own part of the place, cleaning the blood and wounds. Finally Alex laid down on his bed in only his trousers. He stared up at the ceiling for a long time before finally drifting off to sleep.

If it could be called sleep. Nightmares that had not assaulted him in ages decided to torment him tonight. Most likely due to his current turbulent emotions. He thrashed slightly at the sound of that whip in his head. Kiss of a blade to the soft skin on his back. Sneering face of that Ishgardian highborn leering at him in the darkness of this nightmare.

Shaking hands ran through his hair after he had bolted to sitting upright in a cold sweat. He looked over in the direction of Cotoka’s sleeping quarter. No sign of movement so he hadn’t disturbed her. Good. Silently he grabbed his gear and weapons. Sleep was no longer an option.

Perhaps his old allies in the Shroud would have something to ease the beast inside tonight.

He stalked into the sleepy bandit camp. Hadn’t been here in ages. Not since the days he spent hiding after the job that made him betray Lancefer. His old buddy and leader of this ragtag bunch was of course near the center where the fire still burned.

A brief exchange of words between them. His old friend noticing the hollow and primal look to Alex’s crimson gaze. A curt nod before leading the duskwight towards where they kept their prisoners.

“Traitor. Do as you wish. Just try to keep things down. Most of the camp is asleep.” The man said before leaving Alex alone with a wide-eyed man.

A wicked grin began to form on Alex’s lips as he looked on. The trembling man only enticing the beast within. Fear was good. It was as if the man looking upon his doom could see the monster that was about to feast.

Screams were muffled but it was clear something unpleasant was occurring in that prison cave. No one dared go anywhere near it. There was an silence to the camp now though. A fear of drawing the ire of the beast that was playing with it’s prey within that cave.

Alex’s eyes were hollow as he looked down at the bloody mess that was once a person. The screams were silent now. Dead as the man before him. Blood coated his hands and parts of his clothes. A splash of crimson across one cheek. The kill had been slow and methodical. Meant to bring about the most pain possible in the hours he spent working.

Yet the rage was quieter now. The beast sated for the time being. He half stumbled out of the cave, leaning against the wall at the exit. His old comrade waiting feet beyond.

“Come.” It was not a question. A simple command as he lead Alex towards his own tent. Alex plopped down to sit on the dirt floor as his old ally rooted through a trunk. Tossing Alex clean clothes and a cloth before fetching a bowl of water. Finally a strong bottle of whiskey. “Stay as long as you need.”

It was about as friendly as it ever was. There was a sort of unspoken connection between them. Not exactly true friendship but an understanding. An acceptance. People who didn’t fit into the world with those considered normal.

The man left Alex alone in his tent. Finally bloody fingers took that cloth and began to make an effort to clean up. It wasn’t in any way a perfect job. Alex didn’t care. Inner rage was quenched at least for now. Yet he still felt unsettled. So he prowled the woods in the hours after dawn and into the afternoon.

It was hours later that he heard Aeri’s voice over the linkpearl. Asking him to join her for drinks.