Journal Entry 14 - Destiney

Dinner this week was pleasant. Though nothing special really.

Unless you count the teasing. An me showing off my new hair an clothes. I got some nice compliments on my choices of coloring an how everything turned out. I must say at first I was a bit leery about my choices but it seems have turned out just fine. I am glad.

Felix of course was in a teasing mood. I suspect it was because of my behavior the day before when we went drinking. Especially when he made the teasing comment about not being able to walk home for being drunk. I might have kicked him under the table. An I thought about tossing part of a dumpling at him. Though I did resist that temptation.

We ended up with a guest at the house. However I called it an early night an did not get much of a chance to know the lady. I was rather tired an had a long day ahead of me the following day.

I went about my errands for the day. I had much I wanted to accomplish before evening in case anything were to come up with the Order. It has been something I have been doing quite often as of late. Making sure all my errands and plans are finished before evening. Including some of the things I have taken to studying. I have done fairly well to make sure any bruises or cuts are healed before showing up at the Order. I would not be a very good healer if I showed up looking like I have been in a fight. But I do not wish to mention anything about the more physical parts of my studies.

Last night was one of our relaxed nights at the house. Of course I had forgotten I was wearing my half-mask. Dusk thought I was injured somehow. Thankfully no. I had been wearing it because of this damnable celebrations for the anniversary of the calamity. I will NOT celebrate such an occasion. I do not have the heart to celebrate the death of people. Yes Eorzea was saved. But I would rather honor those who sacrificed themselves for our lives then celebrate. Something a bit more tasteful then a celebration. I have taken to wearing my mask in honor of my father. It… is not his. But… it is my fault his mask was lost. It was already damaged that day I took it from the house yet I still wore it an got it destroyed. I have no one to blame but myself for that poor decision.

We had a few guests present. A young miqo’te lass. An a rather striking traveler. I picked Nathaniel Castor to talk to. Not that I have anything against miqo’te. She was just not very… Clean. Besides Nathaniel seemed to be more interesting to chat with. A fellow from Gridania an a traveler. As well as someone else who seems to have trouble talking with a group. A sort of kindred spirit in some ways.

Nathaniel and I talked for a good bit until I apparently had a guest come calling for me specifically. Kagato was teasing me called me a princess with a prince calling for my attention. I was slightly embarrassed since Nathaniel was stuck watching this display.

Leera had come to visit again! I was very pleasantly surprised and happy. I had not been able to find him in time to ask him to the beach gathering. Though maybe that was a good thing with the things that happened. I pointed out names of the members of the Order present for Leera. An we had a pleasant conversation. An of course again time slipped away as I spoke with him. Sadly we both had to part ways for we both had things to do the next morning. I did mention the beach gatherings to him that occur at the end of the week. So maybe I shall have some handsome company. Well handsome company that is not part of the Order.

Damn that Raiden. I am still so confused about I how I should feel about him. One minute he is like a charming prince. The next he… Does stuff that drives me insane such as licking my face… UGH! SNAKE! An sometimes I wonder why I have such problems. Why must Raiden be so damned good looking…

Journal Entry 13 - Destiney

Today should have been a very good day. Well I guess in a way it -was- a good day. With some exceptions of course.

I ran into X’apa downstairs near the airship docks. An I do mean I ran into the poor guy. I was too busy reading a book to watch where I was going as I headed down to the small bar there for some piece and quiet.

X’apa joined me for some refreshments at the bar. We talked for a bit about life. An about the misadventures he and Chee are planning to get into. An possibly joked about including some alcohol in their supplies an claiming it to be good for medical reasons. It was a nice time sitting there with him just talking about things. I wish I could go with Chee and X’apa on their trip they are planning. However it is their trip an I have other things I need to do.

We parted ways when it was time for me to join Felix at Ishgard. We had planned to go out for drinks. We started with some nice spiced wine at the Forgotten Knight before moving to a nice little bar in Coethras down by the Observatorium for mead.

Our conversations were light an playful. Well for the most part. I did try to figure out what kind of treats he liked out of curiosity. I sort of wanted to get something for him. To thank him for putting up with me drinking. I mean I am sure I am probably interesting to watch… But he did also have to take me home after.

I remember most of our conversations. Talks of him helping me plot to turn Raiden into a mummy using actual mummy wrappings from Qarn. Talk of men including possibly inviting Leera to the beach that night. I -might- have mentioned he was yummy for a highlander man. Curse the mead an my mouth… I guess what they say about loose lips an alcohol is true. I do also remember telling him about my own stupidity right after leaving Ishgard. Might have told him also about Leon. I still think it would have been a nice contest to pit Leon against Raiden in the terms of scandalous behavior. Too bad it will never happen.

I do look forward to more outing with Felix on this kind. It was a very surprisingly good time. Even if I was too drunk to safely walk home on my own. Heh… An even if I was telling him so many things. Oh the endless teasing I shall endure. I felt entirely safe an comfortable just drinking an chatting with him. An enduring his teasing. Including the few times he had me blushing an just wondering what the heck he was thinking. He was lucky he was wearing armor. An that I was drunk so even if I had tried to swat him a few times I probably would have missed.

I decided to head back to my room at the Order once Felix left me at the Goblet. Of course I was feeling a bit steadier then I had when we left Coethras. So I was able to walk on my own. I seen Raiden sitting outside. As if he was waiting on my return. I dashed into the house an into my room.

I was not safe though. Curse it all. Raiden came into my room an I was definitely not sober enough to try an out maneuver him to escape. I did try to sneak away after telling him about a bottle of wine I had on the table when he thought I was not drunk enough. But… He knew… Damn that man. So I gave up an plopped my butt down on the couch to await my fate.

He walked behind the couch where I was sitting. I wanted to jump an run. I felt like a rabbit waiting for the wolf to pounce. I am pretty sure I was as red as an apple or worse as he leaned down to speak near my ear. An the way his hand was gently touching my face. Ugh! I was not sure if I wanted to melt or run. Raiden was so very confusing. In the end he left without doing more then driving me crazy. Said I had two hours till the beach an to wear my swimsuit.

Damn that man!

I showed up to the beach. I was in my swimsuit but I had left my tunic on over top as I looked around for Raiden. He was not there at first. Thankfully I was also more sober when I arrived. I teased Felix about the fact he had shown up in armor after mentioning while drinking he might show some skin if I was lucky. He said something about only if I showed more skin would he. Oh that man. He does not know well enough not to call me on that. I pulled off that tunic an teased him that he should go change. An boy… He came back in swim trunks! His skin tone is just a bit lighter then Leon’s. I even poked at his stomach as a joke was made that he might have metal abs.

I joined Felix and Chloe at the bar though I just got a water since how much I had to drink earlier in the day. I was still buzzing enough without adding more fuel to the fire. An wouldn’t you know it… Raiden finally showed up. An stood behind me… I nearly shrieked when his hands touched my shoulders. All sorts of thoughts were running through my head. Felix sort of stood up for me. Only sort of. An Raiden sat down in Felix’s lap an put his feet in mine.

Eventually I got the idea to try an tickle Raiden’s feet. It was quite the sight! Watching him fall backwards off Felix’s lap. Seeing only his butt and legs in the air. An I really really need to learn to shut my mouth. Cause after I said something Raiden was on the attack. I tried to bolt when he came to stand beside me but I caught my foot off the stool. I was unable to right my balance enough an ended up on my butt on the ground. Raiden pounced while I was vulnerable. ARGH!!! He licked from the tip of my ear to my face! I wanted to melt and shriek at the same time. A new blue streak! Ugh!

I know I was being dramatic but I did end up squealing in a mix of embarrassment an rage before flopping onto my back an closing my eyes. Eventually Bow was standing over me. Talking of throwing me into the ocean to wash off the slime. As much as the idea was tempting to allow Bow to carry me away like that… Ugh curse my problems. I allowed Bow to help me to my feet an joined her in walking down to the beach.

I tried to scrub my face with the ocean water. I’m sure I probably also made things worse. Maria was there. An there was talk of dying my hair blue to match the slime. An adding pink to my wardrobe to sort of look like yummy cotton candy. I am not much for pink in my clothes though.

Eventually I excused myself as Raiden and Aimee walked up. I do not know why I did what I did. I guess a part of me was so annoyed I had to get even right then an there. I walked up to the two of them an tried to get at Raiden to tickle his sides. Aimee might have doused all three of us with water because she had gotten caught in the middle of things. An Raiden… Insufferable! He was not even phased. I ended up apologizing to Aimee an stalking back towards dry sand.

Eventually Bow and Chloe came to join me on the beach. An Felix might have teased one last time as he walked by to head home. I must remember to elbow him later for that tease.

We talked about ways to get even with Raiden. An eventually it turned into just general chatter as I laid back against the sand. I ended up dozing off there in the warmth with Bow on one side and Neiven on the other. Oh yes Neiven showed up not long after Felix had left. So there was talk of me trying to bite Bow’s butt… I swear that joke will never disappear. Sadly I missed Bow leaving since I had dozed off.

This morning however… I noticed more blue in my hair on the side that Raiden had licked. I had made it worse when scrubbing my face. So I set about dying my hair an eventually going through my wardrobe to make changes as well. If I am going to have blue hair I might as well make the best of it.

Journal Entry 12 - Destiney

This week has been both interesting and… strange. Dusk still baffles me. I can not tell if it is just in her behavior or the strange things she does. But I can not help but find her a bit unnerving at times.

A few days ago we journeyed into Cutter’s Cry to deal with an antlion queen. Dusk made me her assistant for whatever it was she was doing. Some sort of ritual. Involving water and candles an her magic. Luna had come along an made a sort of Clay version of Kagato since he is still unable to be found.

Chloe and ClayGato dealt with subduing the Queen as Dusk began the ritual. I left Daisy to seeing over the well being of the others as I got the water an began to pour it as Dusk directed. In the end when Dusk said the ritual was completed and the candles were now a creepy black, Chloe put down the queen. I helped to collect the candles much to my dismay at the idea of touching them. Something about using the queen’s fear an pain to make the candles… It just does not sit well with me.

The next day was another mission outside of Ul’dah. Apparently our actions a few weeks ago had consequences we had not considered. Killing the bees to help the refugees led to problems for the Miners. It seems they also used the honey from the bees to make Mead to compliment their income from mining.

I was sent with Dusk and Chloe out to East Shroud to speak with the bee keepers about possibly acquiring some bees to replace those we had killed. I was picked because of our camping trip several weeks back when Rhisi an I had gotten honey for the food. I had mentioned I used to spend a lot of time in the East Shroud.

So we went out to talk to Rosa. She runs the bee hives out there an even makes good profit on Mead from the honey she harvests. We were in luck that Rosa was working and kind enough to give us a young queen bee with a few males to help populate a hive. All she asked us for was some of the Mead the miners would produce with her bees to see their work an compare it to hers. And well a little of my time an my skill with a bow. Some of the wildlife can sometimes be bothersome to her an the bees. A small price to pay.

With the crate Chloe was able to put together and the herbs Dusk used, we were able to get the bees back over to the miners of Nanawa. I’m not quite sure what the other members of the Order had been doing but they looked like they had been kept more then busy in our absence.

However… I guess time got away from me this year with as busy as my life has been. Before I knew it, people were back into that festive spirit again to thank the Archon and the Warriors of Light for saving the world from the Calamity. I can not believe another year has passed already…

The pain is less then it used to be. But it also explains why the nightmares have been a bit more persistent lately. Another year since Carteneau. Another year since I nearly died… I guess I should find time to visit my father’s grave. As well as Leon’s of course. Not that Leon passed at this time of year. More to thank him again for the hand he had in saving my life.

I returned to the house in a less then cheerful mood, hiding my eyes behind that half-mask I had made to replace my father’s old mask. It seems I walked into quite the end of a conversation. Something about water walking around… An I wonder why Dusk makes me question things…

Dusk an Maria had just been leaving. Felix an Annowre were still there near the fireplace. As usual Felix offered me a glass of that white wine which I gladly accepted. The three of us talked for a bit an I mentioned my dislike for this festival. Eventually she left after finding a can of chocolate whipped cream in the kitchen. Felix an I talked for a few moments longer before he decided it was time to retire for the evening.

But before he could leave there was a knock at the door. Apparently we had a late night guest. Surprising. Although I think what surprised me more was that it was… A rather handsome duskwight. An Felix decided to leave me alone with him. Me! Alone with Leera. Felix even gave me a playful jab before departing… That man! I was so very nervous despite that glass of wine I had had.

I showed Leera around the house as we talked. Told him what I could about the Order though I am no officer. I tried my best not to be a nervous wreck though I could not keep myself was looking at him… Curse my problems for dark skinned elezen... I learned he was from the Gridanian outskirts which is probably a good thing since there is still a good bit of prejudice against Duskwights. An he is more of man of the craft than one of battle.

I had told him I was a healer for the Order but I was also not helpless because I do have skill with a bow. He may have made a reference to me being a rose with thorns. I could not hide my blush at such a comment. We talked for a bit longer upstairs over drinks. Though not the alcoholic kind. Leera admitted he does not drink.

I was having such a pleasant evening speaking with this handsome man that before I knew it, it was very late. How time flies when one is having fun. Especially with one such as Leera. We parted with the hopes of seeing one another again. He was a total gentleman. Unlike that Raiden… Who of course is probably still plotting ways to get even with me for Frost…

I went to bed feeling much better then I had before Leera had shown up. He had given my mind other things to think of then loss. Heh. Maybe I will seek him out personally soon. I would not mind losing a few more hours time in his presence.

Journal Entry 11 - Destiney

Dinner the other night was very nice. Rhisi as always prepared a wonderful meal for us. For once we also had a full table. It was quite the change to what I was used to seeing. We had a traveling magician of sorts join us this night too.

He had the silverware putting on a show for us as it carved up the roast in a rather spectacular fashion. Imagine a man made of utensils. It was quite a nice show though I think it would have been something that would have amused children to no end.

As things wound down… It was the end of dinner that things got dark. Kagato mentioned going back down into that forsaken place yet again. I fear for him. I really do. He refused to allow any of us to go with him because he claims we are not expendable. He would rather take the risk of going with strangers. It upset Rhisi very much that he refused our help or our words. I… I just did not know what was best to do about this… So I retired to my room an figured if I was needed someone would let me know.

I was not in the best of moods the next day. I had not slept well. Nightmares of course. I guess my few days away helped but not nearly enough. So once my work was done for the day I went to Ul’dah to just wander about.

I ran into Neiven and Konner. I was not really in the mood to explain my true reasons for wandering around the city. So I used an excuse. Not that the distraction would not have been welcomed. Maybe it was what I should have been doing anyways. Ul’dah is never lacking in people. I told the both of them I was Elezen watching. Since… Well… My thing for elezen… Not that there are many of them around Ul’dah. I did see a few but of course I would not have had the nerve to walk up to them.

Well the two of them got it into their heads that they needed to act like… wingmen. Ugh! An in their silly antics also got it into their heads that butt biting was an elezen thing or something. I never so much wanted to bury my head more so then that moment. They were walking up to complete strangers (elezen of course) an asking them things. The plus side to all this insanity… It did lighten my mood.

I finally left Ul’dah to return to the house in the Goblet. I did not want to run into any of the people they talked to… It would have been very embarrassing.

Chee came by the house shortly after I had gone upstairs with the intention of getting a glass of wine to calm my nerves. We got to talking for a few moments before Felix joined us upstairs an got that nice white wine I like for Chee and I. I am unsure how long it was till we heard more voices downstairs. One of which being Raiden’s voice.

An apparently Raiden wants to get even with me for getting him in trouble with Frost at the beach the other night. Ugh… Why me?! He should not have used Frost’s name as a distraction!

Raiden eventually even came upstairs with Aimee clinging onto him. An blue ceruleum on her hair an forehead because of Raiden. I kept my eyes on him as I downed that first glass of wine rather quickly. I thought I might need it an more to deal with what might happen. Of course Raiden went for a different target though. He went over an gave Felix a sloppy ceruleum kiss… Heh. I only felt slightly bad for him. After all Felix was enjoying my discomfort the night at the beach when I had Frost on one side of me and Raiden on the other.

Of course leave it to Raiden though. He came over to me only to torment me with the knowledge that he was not going to get me tonight. He was going to let me stew for a bit. Strike when I am not expecting it. Ugh! Again I say… Why me?! Of course he also mentioned he had a list of like three people he liked to kiss.  An of course I was one of those three along with Aimee and Felix. I do believe he loves to watch me squirm an suffer. Well I guess suffer is not really the right word. It makes it sound like he does all this with ill intent. I know it is all in good fun. I guess that is why I endure it. Not that it does not drive me crazy.

A old friend of the Order dropped by to visit briefly and leave a nice tray of cakes an sweets. Mmm… Sweets. Of course by then I had already had three glasses of wine. So I was not fully following any of the conversations. Though I do remember Luna coming in. She was in a sort of panic. Seems we were right to worry about Kagato going back down there by himself. However there is nothing I can do at this time. I shall wait for Rhisi to call us to aid in the rescue. Kagato…

Most had left for the evening after that. Except for another guest at the house. A rather striking lady elezen named Bow. We spent a bit talking as we snacked on a treat from the tray of sweets. Neiven came back by an the three of us talked. Even mentioned the situation from earlier in Ul’dah. I hope to get to see Bow again. I would like to get to know her a bit more. Perhaps when I am a bit more sober.

Nightmare (Backstory - Destiney)

(Part 2! in Destiney's backstory. Takes place after the Calamity.)

The day had finally come. She was old enough to make choices of her own. Not that she did not love her aunt an everything the woman had done for her over the last five years. But now it was finally the day she was allowed to make her own path.

Destiney stood staring up at the gates of the Steps of Faith. Once she passed this point she had no intentions of returning. Not any time soon anyways. If ever. It was almost like she was walking in her mother’s shoes. Almost but not quite. Her mother had left to make a place for herself in the world. Destiney was leaving to become an adventurer with a vengeance to seek.

“Farewell, Ishgard. May Halone watch over your people.” Destiney said she took the first step on her new path. Her bow was against her back with its quiver of arrows. She had not even said goodbye to her aunt an uncle. Merely left them a note an hoping they would understand. She could not remain in this city another day.

So many days spent between books an training. She had of course spent time researching what little she could find about the Garleans. Which was painfully small. Ishgard was too sealed off from the world. So between novels she had instead learned some of Ishgard’s history an that of the lands around it. She had even managed to find a few books on magic. Not that she would even attempt them without someone to actually demonstrate the basics to her. Not that it mattered since she was still very much her father’s daughter. A bow chosen over spells an tomes.

Outside the gates of Ishgard, Destiney stopped an took a deep breath of the icy air as she looked up towards the clouded skies. Another storm was due in a day or so. There was no time to linger here as she set off towards Camp Dragonhead. She planned to rent a chocobo from a porter once she reached the camp. From there… She would decide once she was out of the snowy Coerthas landscape. It was almost hard to believe this land used to at one time be green. It seemed an entire lifetime ago when she first passed this way five years ago…

Five years of waiting an training. Five years to nurse her wounds an recover. But the flames still burned in heart to seek repayment for the life that was stolen. Five years of barely seeing or speaking with the man who kept her fighting when she had lost so much hope.

*~*

Destiney stopped the chocobo she was riding as she entered the Shroud. It felt like forever an a day since she had last set foot in these woods. They were still so green an vibrant despite the destruction the primal had wrought. Nothing like the never ending winter that had settled over Ishgard because of it.

“Home.” she whispers as she lingers a few moments longer before allowing the bird to continue onward towards Gridania. Her heart felt alive at being within the woods she had grown up in. Yet at the same time they brought sorrow as well. Knowing her father no longer walked these woods as a Gods’ Quiver. Or that her brother was still missing despite the passing of time.


*~*

Destiney looked around Gridania as she walked through the gates. So much was still the same. Yet at the same time there were things she knew were not the same as five years ago. Life had not stopped despite all the horrors that had happened. She watched a laughing couple walk past, envying the happiness they had.

“Destiney? Is it truly you?”

Destiney turned around to see Dekkarra walking through the gates. He was clad in plain robes of a healer with a staff against his back. She ran into his open arms an hugged him tight, burying her face against his chest. She was so relieved to see him. He had been just one of the two reasons she had decided to make this her first stop. She needed to see him again. At least one last time. There was no telling when she would see him again if at all. Not that she planned to tell him.

“You… I did not know you were returning. You look well.” Dekkarra said as he moved back to hold her at arm’s length an look her over with the eyes of a healer. As if looking for injuries or signs of illness.

“I had to see you. An I needed to retrieve something from the house. I decided to become an adventurer.” she explained to him with a warm smile, her eyes closed to hide the sorrow behind the mask.

“An adventurer? For real? Are you sure it is wise?” Dekkarra asked, his face showing his concern for her.

“Yes I am sure. I will not remain in hiding forever. You were the one who said I was going to be something great. Now I need to prove that. I need to learn to walk on my own with no one holding my hands.” she says as she takes his hands within hers. Her eyes stare down at their joined hands. Hers rough from the use of her bow an bitter colds of Ishgard while his were much softer. The gentle hands of a healer. “I love you, Dekkarra. But I need to do this. I need to find myself. An I can not do it hiding behind the walls of a city or in the forests of the Shroud.”

“Then allow me to come with you. Allow me to be at your side.” Dekkarra pleaded with her gently as he gripped her hands.

“I need to do this. You need to stay here an keep studying. I’ll be back before you know it. We’ve waited five years. A little while longer is not much to ask.” she explained as she left go of his hands reluctantly, forcing a smile to her face. Hiding the fear an pain. Last thing he needed was to know she might not return. That she was making promises that might never come to pass.

“Alright. I am holding you to that. Go ahead an see your mother. She is probably going to be delighted to see you have returned home.” he said with a grin as he leaned down to brush a kiss upon her lips before heading off for the Conjurer’s Guild.

*~*

Destiney hesitated at the door to the home she remembered as a child. There were so many memories. Even just standing here as she placed a hand to rest against the door. Both good an bad, though the good outweighed the bad. She had to take a deep breath to keep herself from crying. Once she was composed again she pushed upon the door an stepped inside.

“Mother?” Destiney called out into the house. There was no answering voice. No sound of anyone home. She looked towards the table where her mother used to always leave her botany tools. Her hatchet an scythe were not in their usual spots. So her mother was out harvesting somewhere in the Shroud. Sadly that meant it could possibly be hours before she would come home again.

The house seemed to be just as she remembered it. Lovingly cared for. Not a thing out of place. She walked down the hall towards her bedroom an stood in the doorway. Even her room was still the same. Not even any dust to show the five years she had not lived here. Her mother had obviously continued to keep the room as she had left it, waiting for the day her daughter would return. She turned away an continued down the hall, pausing briefly at her brother’s door. However she could bring herself to open the door. There was only so much her heart could deal with right this moment. If she could manage to come back alive then she would have time to deal with her missing brother after. She continued down to the end of the hall, pausing before that final door. Her hand shook as she raised it to open that door. Slowly it creaked open as her hand pushed. Inside was just as she remembered it. An the item she was here for was still in its familiar place.

She could still remember watching her father sit there at the edge of the bed as he restrung the bow with new string. He had had this one specially made for when he was off duty. It was unlike any of the ones the Gods’ Quiver used traditionally. Back then it had been a bit too big for her to use. But she had still admired the shade of blue that the crafter had painted it with. The gold edges still shinned bright despite five years of sitting without use. Her hand grazed over the wood gently afraid it might break at a simple touch after so long. Gently she picked it up an checked it over for any signs of damage.

He had probably taken his service bow into the fight. It was possible her mother continued to care for his crafted bow as a reminder of the man they had all lost. In it’s place she put down the bow she had taken with her into Ishgard. On the night stand beside the bed a note to replace her father’s old Gods’ Quiver half-mask. It was was cracked but surprisingly whole as she placed it upon her own face. She looked around the room, feeling just a bit like she was looking at things as if through her father’s eyes. She took a sharp breath an turned to leave before she broke down.

Secretly she had been hoping her mother was not home. It would only add to the pain. Only make it that much harder to do what she felt she needed to do. She paused in the doorway, giving the room one last look before heading for the front of the house.

“Goodbye.” she whispered as she walked out of the house for what she thought might be the last time.

*~*

It had taken her a couple of days to get this far as she looked up at the gates of Wineport . As well as getting lost a few times trying to find the place. If she had finally found the right location then she was near one of the few locations. There had to be a Garlean outpost near here. At least that is what the rumors had claimed as she drifted about on her way to Wineport.

Castrum Occidens. That was the name of the Garlean outpost she had heard of out this way. She fully intended to go knocking on their doors. Well not quite literally. But the idea was close enough to what she intended to do.

She passed through the gates to Wineport an headed for the small tavern that was inside of the camp. Her feet paused as she stared up at the shining blue crystal at the center of the camp. Her thoughts were of how easy it would have been to just teleport using the aetherytes. But she had never been here before. After a few moments of taking in the soothing blue twinkle of the crystal she continued finally into the tavern.

The place was not exactly busy but it still had a few patrons this early in the day. In one corner of the room sat a trio of adventurers talking about something between themselves. She found her eyes coming to rest upon the male Hyuran Midlander of the group, ignoring the male Elezen Duskwight and female Roegadyn Hellsguard. The Midlander looked to be about her father’s age possibly a bit older. But that was not what stopped her. Despite his darker skin complexion an black hair… He looked a bit like her father. Not quite twins but the resemblance was very close. It felt almost like seeing a ghost.

Destiney quickly shook off the feeling. Cursing her heart for trying to make her think like that. She quickly found a table by herself an ordered something to eat as she quietly sat listening to the conversations around the room from other patrons. Trying to catch anything about Castrum Occidens. Or any Garlean activity in general.

*~*

Destiney adjusted her father’s half-mask on her face as she looked into the distance at the wall of metal that loomed just within sight. Castrum Occidens… The conversations at the tavern had not been particularly helpful. Apparently the Garleans here had been content to bid their time an wait to make any real moves against the people of the area. Just what went on beyond those walls though… It was a mystery. No one who had tried to find out had ever come back.

Now the question was would she become another of those numbers? She swallowed hard as she drew her bow from her back where it had been resting. This was where fate would decide if she lived or died. She whispered a quick prayer to the Twelve as she tried to mentally prepare herself for this suicidal idea. She was not a one woman army. She was a young woman, afraid yet determined. She could not rest easy without at least trying to return the favor against these monsters for the world they had ruined. Her world. Casting her away into Ishgard as Dalamund fell from the sky. Riping away her father from their once happy family.

Her hand gripped the bow tightly as she took her first step towards what could very well be her doom. An a part of her did not care. The part of her heart that should have cared was as hard as the ice of Ishgard.

*~*

The first man in Imperial colors fell without a sound. An arrow protruded from his throat. A clean kill. Destiney pulled another arrow from her quiver as she stalked closer towards the gates. All she had to do was take out the guards outside. One corner of her mouth quirked up in a grin as she brought up her bow for the next kill.

“Intruder!”

She heard the words just as she let the arrow sing through the air. However the guard was more alert then the first an the arrow had only grazed off his arm. She cursed under her breath as she went for the next arrow in her hand. The one she had grazed though was already rushing towards her.

“If I’m falling here… I’m taking everyone of you bastards with me that I can.” Destiney mumbled as she let the next arrow fly. The second Imperial solider fell as she rushed forward. The guards were already alerted to her presence so there was no point to caution anymore.

Four more soldiers were rushing to meet her. The odds looked badly against her. The lancer of their team was the first to be within striking distance. Destiney dropped to a roll underneath the swing of his spear. The lancer howled in pain as an arrow struck him in the leg as Destiney knelt for a moment after her roll long enough to return fire.

However that momentary pause had allowed the gladiator of the team to close in. His shield smacked hard into her bow arm as he used an stun her. The blow unbalanced her an she found herself sprawled upon the ground as the three remaining closed in around her.

“Stupid Eorzean. What did you think you could possibly do alone.”

Destiney snarled as she grabbed her bow once more an aimed another arrow from where she was half laying upon the ground. She tried to hurt the gladiator for his earlier blow to her but the arrow was neatly deflected by the marauder of their team. The pugilist decided to close the final distance. Destiney rolled to the side, barely dodging the blow that would have crashed into her head if she had not moved. Though in her scramble to move she had released her hold on her bow. Now weaponless an still facing three uninjured Imperials.

Her hands shook as she reached from another arrow from her dwindling quiver as she scrambled to her feet. Her eyes darted between the three of them, not the least bit liking her odds. With a yell she charged forth, obviously an unexpected move by an unarmed opponent for these men. But she was not truly unarmed. In her hand she gripped an arrow like a dagger as she dove towards the pugilist an drove the arrow into his chest. Together they tumbled to the ground in a heap.

So warm were her hands. Sticky with blood of the man she had just stabbed with an arrow. She looked back towards the other two who at first had startled looks on their faces before their expressions grew angry an murderous.

“You will regret ever coming here alone.”

Destiney scrambled to move as the gladiator swung his sword towards her face. Her feet got tangled upon the pugilist’s corpse in the process, tripping her up though also allowing her to fall away from the dangerous edge of that blade. It was when she went to stand again that she felt sharp burning pain in her leg as she was knocked back into the wall. Movement sent pain ripping through her arm as she looked to her left. She was pinned against the wall with a spear in the flesh of her shoulder. Behind his two companions stood the lancer she had wounded earlier, his spear gone from his hands as he limped up to his allies. Hot angry tears stung her eyes behind the mask. A scream ripped from her throat as she pulled at the spear with her right hand.

Blackness danced at the edges of her vision as she watched them approaching her, the spear refusing to budge with just her one hand trying pull against it. The pain was added upon. Her breath was knocked from her lungs as she felt the sword of the gladiator rip through the flesh of her body. She felt detached as the blackness threatened to claim her. Her eyes looking down at the sword that was piercing through her chest. A small trickle of blood ran down her chin as she coughed. The cold fingers of death were trying to pull her down into the abyss. Her gaze once more drifted up to the triumphant looking bastards.

Something moved in the distanced. Something rapidly approaching from behind these Imperial bastards. But her vision was blurring too badly now to make out what it might be. She took one final ragged breath before closing her eyes an allowing the blackness to wash away the pain.

*~*

“Hold on. Do not give up on life so soon, lass.”

She could barely recall the sounds of battle as she had lay dying, her life’s blood bleeding out around her. She thought as she drifted in an out of that darkness that she had heard words of concern. Thought she had felt a warm hand touching her. At one point she forced her eyes open long enough to catch a glimpse of a man before her with a worried look upon his face.

“Father…” She rasped before coughing hard several times. Once more the darkness pulled her back down. But she could have sworn that it had been her father’s concerned face looking at her in worry.

Journal Entry 10 - Destiney

My weekend away… Was much needed. I feel better then I had before I went away. I decided to visit the Forelands an give Lady time to be among her kind. After all I can only allow my little dragonet to follow me so much. She is still a dragon after all.

Of course since I was on my own I took my bow instead of my tome. It would give me a chance to keep up my skills. I know I much prefer healing now but… I can not simply forsake all my father and Leon taught me because of a few nightmares. Leon would tease me for my weakness an my father would be disappointed. Sometimes though… my hands still shake when I reach for my bow. Thankfully it is only when I feel at my worst that my hands are unsteady.

Anyways I should not continue to dwell on the past again. Leon always told me I should pay attention to the present. The past was just a stepping stone to reach where we are today. Find myself a pretty distraction if my thoughts were a bit darker then they should be. But then again Leon was also a terrible flirt with the ladies. I do not think I would have made it past the nightmares without his presence though. I should take flowers to his grave soon.

Thinking of Leon… I wonder where Uncle Ricard is now. I still have not seen him since he left me. Though he does still occasionally send me a letter to let me know he is still alive.

But yes my weekend was chaotic but at the same time just what I needed. I might have been chased once or twice by wildlife in the Forelands… Might have gotten a few scrapes an minor cuts. Makes me glad I have been studying more average methods of healing since I left my stone an tome at home so Daisy was not at my side. I guess I turned myself into my own practice dummy for treatment. Heh…

I made it out of the Forelands just in time for the Beach gathering in the Mist. The only downside was that I did not have time for a trip home for a change of clothes. Which might have been a good thing anyways since my tunic sleeves hid most of my attempts at bandages for my cuts. It was rather warm for my gear though. I left my bow an mask in the sand under the tent where Felix and Dusk were sitting.

Of course then I remembered the odds of Frost or Raiden showing up. Because I could hear their voices though I was not close enough to hear any of their words. It was enough though to make me want to bury my head in the sand. The things Oni said… Ugh! Thankfully Felix had some of that wine I like on hand. Bless him.

I was just finishing that first glass to try an calm my nerves when Frost walked over. I jumped. No doubt about that. Then Raiden joined us. I am pretty sure I squeaked an jumped again… Now I really did want to bury my head. An Felix offered me a second glass of wine. I think he knew I was going to need it. Badly.

Frost asked me what I was so… Embarrassed about. So I told him the things Oni had said the day he licked me… I think Frost was a bit peeved at both Oni and Raiden for it. Raiden took off to get something from Oni’s house nearby an to escape Frost. Frost went chasing after him.

Eventually I did catch Frost returning alone an wandering down to the water. I took a deep breath an kicked off my boots before following him down at a distance. I felt slightly nervous and afraid. Afraid that he might have gotten the wrong idea by my behavior an the way things had happened. I was worried it might hamper my attempts at being friends with him.

I apologized yet again to Frost. I seem to be doing that a lot lately when it comes to him. I explained to him how I am married an I really did just want to be friends. He apologized for Oni/Raiden’s behavior but he should not have had to. It was not his fault that they decided to use his name to distract me. Or his fault that I allowed it to distract me. I soon found myself explaining a bit of my thing for elezen men. An I might have mentioned how they were a distraction an a curiosity. An mention of the nightmares. But… I felt an odd sort of comfort talking to him or maybe it was just the second glass of wine. Probably the wine. After all I barely know much about Frost.

We did also talk about more then just the dark an depressing. There was also talk about how Coerthas used to be green. The way elezen of Ishgard and Gridania differed and to avoid Silencieuse Duskwights because they like to tamper with the Void. It was a rather pleasant night. I did not even care that I was sitting in the ocean waters in my gear. Thankfully my most important items were back at the safety of the tents though. I felt maybe I stood a chance at getting to know Frost after all.

Anyways I have much still to do. On many fronts. At least I am feeling much better.

Journal Entry 9 - Destiney

The last two days… Have left me with mixed feelings. Do not take this wrong. I have no intentions of leaving the Order. No matter what my feelings are right now. This is my present not my past. Even if the last bit of time has been reminding me painfully.

Unfortunately for the first time in my life I had to dye the color of my hair from its natural shade. It seems when I was trying to clean Oni’s drool off my face… I must have gotten some into my hair. So I now have sections of blue in my hair. I tried to cover it. Tried to make it look more natural by dying my hair purple. Thankfully there have only been a few surprised reactions to the sudden change. None that have claimed it look back on me.

I know I am more then the color of my hair. It is just… A vast change from what I have spent all my life knowing. It was a bit startling to myself.

But that is not what brings on these mixed feelings. Eventually the blue shall fade. Conversations the last few days have dredged up old memories.

Last night… A story was told of events that had occurred to some of the Order’s members in the past. Most of the names I did not recognize among those who currently call the Order home. It was… a very dark story. Black Valley. I do not recognize the name though it is a place within the Shroud. Probably because of the horrifying things that occurred there as I listened to the story.

The things spoken of in that story… I shudder to recall the images that came to mind as I listened. They were not pleasant. An they stirred up old memories of my own though they pale in comparison to the horrors Rhisi an those at the Black Valley must have had to deal with. I was barely able to remain seated there until the end of the story.

I wanted to run outside into the fresh air. I wanted to be anywhere but sitting there imagining those horrors. Worse that Dusk has mentioned a need for the Order to return there. I… I do not know if I can manage that… To face something like that… To be able to hold my ground…

It is not that I am… Afraid. I thought I had moved past the nightmares that use to plague me after my rash of stupidity upon leaving Ishgard after five years. But lately… There have been things reminding me… Bringing those nightmares back. That story… The blood… The faces haunting my dreams… I think… I am going to go away for the weekend. Try to restore myself. I can not break now. Not now…

Thankfully Felix was kind enough to bring me a glass of wine. I might have accepted stronger if it was not for the fact that we had a mission later. I did not want to be trying to preform my tasks drunk. The wine was enough to bolster my failing spirit. Though there was a mention about a Castrum… Thankfully the topic did not linger there long or the wine might not have been enough to keep me sane.

I was paired with Maria and Felix for our trip down into some Gelmorra ruins. It was my first time into combat with Felix. An with Maria. I was looking forward to it actually. I have been getting along well with Felix so far an was excited to be paired with him. Though I was concerned with Kagato going tonight as he seemed… Very quiet. I can not find a better word right now to describe it. Not when I am still learning about many of the members of the Order. But Kagato was with Aimee an Oni. I was sure they would be fine.

Things went decently is probably the best way to describe what happened on our end of the trip into the ruins. The aether down there was making Felix a little green. Well beyond the lovely shade of green he was when a trap turned him into a frog for a short bit. Heh. We reached a voidal creature towards the end of our journey through the first section without encountering any of these so called spirits we were to look into. I decided to use one of the pomanders we had found on our way towards the end of the section.

I HATE that pomander of lust. I feel so disgusting after using it… Like I want to scrub my skin till it is raw an just keep scrubbing. I have nothing against Luna who has been following Kagato around like a cute pet succubus. But I NEVER want to be one. Ugh!

So when we got back to the house finally I took Felix up on that earlier offer of something a bit stronger then wine. So Felix, Dusk, Maria, and myself sat around the dinning table for a bit an chatted as we drank. I think… Dusk may have mistaken my slightly intoxicated behavior with Felix as if we had known each other a long time an possibly might have something between us. I could be wrong. I was intoxicated though not as bad as the last time. The stuff Felix gave us… He said it was strong… He was not kidding. Not that I wouldn’t mind getting to know Felix better. What I have seen of him thus far makes me think we could have a very wonderful friendship.

I will admit though. He is rather striking for a Highlander. Not that I would try to pursue him. I am a married woman after all. I have to draw a line somewhere. Even when it comes to my thing for tall, dark, handsome elezen men. Heh. Distractions are a nice thing. Especially to help keep my mind on the present an away from the past.

Journal Entry 8 - Destiney

Why me… All I did was push him into the water to cool him off…

I guess I kind of deserved this punishment. I managed to avoid it for a little over a week. However the Twelve were not with me today…

I came back to the house to grab a few things from my personal room. Only to find Oni perched on top of one of the partitions in my room. Waiting for me… Waiting to trap me…

I tried to remain calm. So very hard I tried. I knew what he intended to do. An he managed to lock the door before I could have a chance to escape… Well… I might have asked if he had locked the door before checking… An well he did something that locked the door an trapped me in the room with him.. Me and my big mouth…

So I picked a chair as far away from where he was perched. Hoping to talk my way out of my ill begotten fate… Slowly like a predator with trapped prey… Oni made his way down an landed beside where I sat.

Of course it did not help matters any when he kept talking of how he was sure I tasted good. Or how Brother Frost would might want a taste… Oh by the Twelve! I was too stunned by his mentions of Frost to be able to even get away. He had me all flustered that I misheard him an thought he had said Frost thought I smelled good an tasted good. I am pretty sure I was a very nice shade of scarlet at just the idea of such matters.

I… ended up resigning to my fate… I had no where I could escape. I was like the prey, hopelessly trapped. Oni… I still shudder at the feeling even just thinking about it… He licked up from my neck to where my circlet was resting on my forehead. A streak of blue on my skin! At least it matches my clothes…. I tried to scrub it off my face but this substance is very… stubborn. Now I have it on my sleeve as well as my face…

To make matters worse Oni was talking about how I tasted good. An how Raiden… Raiden wanting more then a lick! Twelve end me now! An how Frost might want a taste! If I could have melted into a puddle right there… I had to resist hard to shove him away for fear of him trying to lick me again! As well as he made it all sound creepy like I was some sort of healer snack! Ugh!

I better keep trying to find a way to get this stuff off my face… I am sure this will be a fun thing to explain to people that do not know Oni…

If I Break (Backstory - Destiney)

(Part 1! in Destiney's backstory. This is set right before the Calamity an through the five years till when ARR begins. The second part will pick up at ARR when its finished.)

Destiney hated it. Hated it all as she rode in the chocobo led wagon away from home in the quiet forests of the Shroud an through the Highlands of Coerthas. She glared up in anger at the falling moon. Dalamund people had called it.

Her brother was still missing yet her parents were sending her away. Her hands clenched in her lap where they rested. They had said they wanted her to go remain with her Aunt and Uncle in Ishgard until things calmed back down. A nation plagued by dragons and heretics… She felt like they were sending her away from one danger into another different danger. Either way she was unsafe. Either way it was not helping to find her missing sibling. But for her parents Ishgard was a nation outside of the war against the Garleans.

If it had not been the look in her mother’s eyes… It was only that look that had silenced her an kept her from running out on her own with just her bow in hand. The pain in those eyes. Not knowing where one of your own children was while danger pressed ever closer. Seeing that staff in her mother’s gentle hands… She did not have the heart to continue her argument with her father about remaining. Or even make the suggestion that she was old enough to fight if she was old enough to start training for the Gods’ Quiver. She was nearly sixteen now.

She was so angry an hurting. How could Tak just leave her behind without a word? How could her parents just send her away? She scrubbed the back of her one hand across her face, unsure of when she had started to silently cry.

“We’re almost to the Gates, Miss.”

Destiney didn’t respond to the driver. However she did look up an away towards the towering city in the near distance. The Holy See of Ishgard rose up in the air, looking as if it was trying to touch the clouds above. She had no idea how her parents had gotten her entrance into a city that had locked itself away from the rest of Eorzea. Or if even she would like the family she was to be staying with. Dekkarra had sworn he would stay in touch an maybe find a way to come see her. It was one small bright light in the darkness that was becoming her life.

Destiney gathered her belonging from the wagon upon arrival at the gates. Not even a thank you to the driver. She handed the folded an wax sealed letter to a guard at the gates.

“What do we have here?” He asked as he took a look at the wax seal before opening the letter. “Aurifore huh? Wait here.”

She watched in her silent scowling expression as the guard stepped inside the gate to check on whatever the letter had pertained. She had never heard of the Aurifore name before but then again she did not even know any of her relatives from her mother’s side of the family.

“You can enter. Do not let me catch you causing problems.” the guard warned as he came back an allowed Destiney to enter.

“Whatever.” Destiney grumbled as she picked her bag back up an walked through the gate with a guard following close behind her. The guard had left her once she had reached the city itself. The was light of day was fading fast an she had no clue where she was going. She could feel the stares some of the passerbys were giving her in her glade tunic an pants. She looked completely out of place among the people of Ishgard. She felt like they were probably considering her to be some foreign bastard who found a way to slip through the cracks.

“Destiney?” asked a gruff male voice.

“Who wants to know?” Destiney said with irritation as she looked an found an raven haired armored man, probably only a few years older then her father. The scowl on his face the his whole stance gave the impression of someone who had no tolerance for children. Let alone teenagers. He looked every inch like he did not want to be the one here to claim her.

“You will speak with more respect to your elders. Especially those who you will be staying with. Honestly. I have no idea why she agreed to take a half-breed bastard in anyways.” he said with disgust in his voice.

Destiney bristled at his calling her some half-breed bastard. She clenched her fists an glared at the man in his Ishgardian knight chainmail. It was so very hard to bite her tongue an not reach for the bow she had refused to leave behind at home. If only she could silence his biting tone.

“Nothing to say? Good. Keep up or stay in the Brume with the rest of the scum.” he said as he turned an began to walk without a care of whether she followed or not.

She followed him in tense silence, resisting the urge to put an arrow in his back. Being put in jail her first night here was probably the worst possible decision she could make. There was no way she could tell how the trials worked or even the justice system at all in Ishgard. For all she knew they could be entirely different then Gridania. Not that Gridania would take shooting someone with an arrow lightly when it was just in anger. Especially since it would be over an insult. Her father would have scolded her an told her to ignore such jabs. To be the bigger person an let the insults slide off like rain over metal.

The house they arrived at was not lush or ornate. It was a simple house but obviously cared for. The man watched her with wary eyes as he opened the door an stood there waiting for her to enter. Destiney just returned his glare for a few moments of silence.

“Lance is that you?” called a mellow woman’s voice from within.

“Yes. I brought the child you mentioned was arriving.” the man replied as he looked towards the inside of the house.

“Destiney? She made it finally?” the woman speaking appeared. She had the same orchard brown hair an hazel eyes her mother had. There was even a resemblance in her face to that of her mother. She rushed over an wrapped her arms around Destiney. “Oh my child. It is good to see you have arrived safely.” She removed her arms from a now tense Destiney. This woman was studying her face an the confusion in her gaze. “Well now… I don’t supposed that sister of mine has said much on me has she. No I doubt she has. Come inside.”

Destiney followed her aunt inside the house in silence. The interior was warm an inviting. A fire was burning merrily in the hearth. Beside it sat a pair of chairs and a small table meant to hold snacks for those sitting near the flames.

“I have to get back to work now, Kat. I will be home late tonight.”

“May Halone watch over you, love.” her aunt replied to the knight who had led her here, obvious to her by now he was her uncle by the exchange between the pair.

Destiney chose to sit down in one of the cushioned chairs by the fire, watching her aunt with wary eyes. Her aunt stepped out of the room for a moment with a brief mention of getting snacks. She returned shortly with a tray containing tea for two an some small sandwhichs. Destiney felt her stomach rumble as she had not eaten much on the long journey from Gridania to Ishgard.

“Please. Eat. I am your mother’s sister Katrienne. You are welcome to call me Aunt Katy.” Her aunt sits down in the chair opposite of her, watching her all the while with a warm smile on her face. “How I wish Halone would have blessed us with a child as beautiful as my sister’s. You look so much like your mother. But I can also see some of your father in you. Those blue eyes… Not an Aurifore trait for sure.”

“Aunt Katy…” Destiney tries the unfamiliar words over her tongue. “Who are the Aurifore?”

“Well now. That would be the name of the family your mother an I were born into. A name your mother gave up the day she departed from Ishgard. Father was none too pleased an he disowned her. I think they were both entirely too bull headed about the whole ordeal.” Aunt Katy says as she picks up one of the tea cups from the tray. “It is not a name of one of the four houses here in Ishgard but your grandfather an his father before him has made quite a name for the family.”

“I want to go home.”

“Home? I’m afraid that is not possible at this time, dear.” Aunt Katy replies with a frown. “Your mother asked me to care for you until it is safe enough to send you home once more. Until all this nasty business with the Garleans has been cleared up… I am afraid this is your home until then.”

The rest of the evening passed in silence. A few times her aunt tried to strike up conversation again with her. Only for silence to once more claim the air between them. Destiney stared at the dancing flames of the fireplace, only vaguely recalling eating an drinking what had been offered. Her mind was still on what she had left behind.

Why was she being carted away towards what her parents thought as safety while others were forced to endure. Why was she so special… If only she could have remained to fight. Or at least allowed to remain to search for her missing brother.

Her sleep was restless as she tossed an turned that first night in a strange place an a bed she did not know. So far away from everything she had ever known.

*~*

Destiney was going through the motions of living here in Ishgard. Her aunt had provided her with new clothes, ones more befitting a member of Ishgard society. Her aunt had even gone as far as to bring her books to read. There was however no where she could go to pratice with her bow. Her uncle had been less then pleased with the idea of her using a bow an waved her off as if she was nothing more then an insect. Still people gave her strange stares, heard the whispered rumors. Not like she wanted to make friends anyways. All she had to do was wait for her parents to send for her. She did not need these people or this life. Surely her parents would send for her soon.

Word did soon arrive. Along with the whispers of what happened at Cherteneau Flatts. The rage of an elder primal. The weather had been getting worse since the days of the battle, delaying the messages to Ishgard.

Destiney rushed home towards her aunt an uncle’s house. Surely there was now word that her parents wanted her home. She burst through the door an skidded to a halt. Her aunt was holding a letter in her hands, a sorrowful expression upon her face. Her uncle knelt beside where she sat in a chair, a comforting hand on his wife’s shoulder.

“What does the letter say?” Destiney asked, her voice so low, her heart clenching in fear. That expression on her aunt’s face twisted a dagger in her chest. Something was wrong. So very wrong.

“Destiney… Darling…” her aunt said softly as she got up from the chair to walk over an wrap her arms around her neice. “You father…”

Destiney broke away from her aunt’s arms. Her face was a mix of disbelief an horror. Her father? Curse the Twelve! If anything had happened to her family… She did not want to hear the next words her aunt spoke. Her knees gave out on her as she crashed to the floor. She felt like silence was swallowing her world. Eventually that silence gave birth to sound. It was the keening that broke the silence. Her world was breaking apart beneath her. She screamed an raged as her aunt tried to console her broke heart until both her voice an body could take no more. In silence she cried herself to sleep within her aunt’s embrace.

*~*

The days became a blur. Rarely did she even attempt to get out of bed. Her eyes merely gazed out the window at the snowflakes that had begun to fall upon Ishgard. Her father was gone from this world. An she was not even able to return home for the funeral. Still trapped in this miserable city, her world having come undone. She had no desire to climb out of bed. Only did her aunt or uncle make her get out of bed on occasion to at least bath an eat. Most times her aunt brought in a tray of food an asked quietly that she at least make an attempt to eat something.

However things changed. Slowly an painfully. But there was at least one light within the darkness that had become her heart.

Somehow her aunt or uncle had managed to pull some strings. Dekkarrra crouched beside her bed as she rolled over to look at who had come in this time. At first she thought he was a mere illusion conjured up by her hopeless heart to give her more reason to despair. But his hand was warm over her own. It felt so real but she was so afraid to move or say anything. Afraid it would all shatter away as if a dream. The smile on his face was gentle but his eyes were filled with sorrow. She probably looked horrible to him. Spending all her days in bed an barely eating.

“Destiney…” he said her name softly but full of love an concern.

“Dekkarra…” her voice cracked, so used to sitting in the silence with only her dark thoughts to keep her company.

“You’ve… Your aunt…” he sighed as he tried to find the words he was searching for as he held her hand within his. “She said you’ve been locking yourself away. She’s worried about you. I’m worried about you.”

“Why should I care? My life…” tears welled up in her eyes as she thought of how much upheaval she had suffered in such a short time.

“Your life is not over yet. What would your father think if he saw you like this?” he asked softly as one of his hands caressed her cheek. “You’re letting yourself become a ghost.”

His words stung her heart. She knew them to be true. If her father had seen her wasting away like this over sorrow… He would have punished her with extra training until her fingers bled from pulling the bowstring so much. But there was still so much despair in her heart an soul she could barely bring herself to move. Her fingers gripped the hand holding hers. How was she supposed to find her way back from the darkness?

“I…”

“The Destiney I know an love is stronger then this. I did not fall for a princess, I fell for someone with fire in her veins an a spirit full of life. Someone who is strong enough to overcome this an allow it to temper her into something stronger. We are not adults yet… But I know you are going to be something great when you manage to pull yourself back to your feet again. Because that is the girl I fell in love with. She is every inch a fighter like her parents.”

Tears trailed down her cheeks in silent paths. His hand gently wiped them away, his eyes steady an full of love. She would never understand what he saw in her. A girl who wanted to fight an protect at one time before her world had fallen apart. Yet… He was still like a missing piece of her soul. Just being near him again… It was a shard of light within the darkness. Something for her to grasp an hold onto with all her might.

“I can not stay for long. I begin my training to become a healer soon. But… I will write to you an return when I am able. Please, Destiney. Do not give up. Come back stronger from this. I need you.” he said softly as he leaned over her to kiss her forehead softly.

She could barely find the words to say as she watched him turn to leave. She wanted to reach out for him. To beg him to stay. Somewhere deep inside though the embers of herself were kindled by his presence. By his unwavering love for her.

*~*

Destiney slowly began to make her way back into life. So long spent abed had left her weak. Her father would have endlessly lectured her about letting herself go so badly. Overtime she found a quiet place down around the Brume to build her strength back to where it once was. In silence with nothing but her thoughts. The look upon her face was enough to deter most into leaving her along. That an possibly ending up with an arrow to the gut. When she wasn’t pulling the strings of her bow, she was running. Feeling the sting in both her lungs an her skin from the cold.

Her thoughts turned to the Garleans. Everything was their fault. Her father… Her happy life… She would find that lost fire an blaze it bright. She would get her revenge on the people who had murdered her father. Those that had snuffed out a bright star in her life. They would pay.

Her books an such that her aunt continued to provide were a distraction. One that was welcome after a day outside strengthening her body again in the now frigid air. She found she loved some of the stories. They were an escape from the world. At least when they were novels. She found she preferred the stories containing heroes or romance.

This was how her days in Ishgard would be spent. At least until the day she would depart once more for the world outside those sealed gates.

Journal Entry 7 - Destiney

I’m not sure how to feel right now. I know it has only been days since the last time I wrote in here. An I was not feeling particularly… Light-hearted after the end of my last entry. But last night… Was much needed in helping me lift my spirits.

Though before I get to that part of the day. I did finally set up a room at the Order’s house. I figured it was a good idea. In case I have any more nights where I end up drinking an am not sure if it is wise to walk home. As well as it gives me a place to keep clothes an books as needed. Not that walking back an forth between the Order house an my own home is that bad. Just saves time. Chee aided me in getting the room setup. We even added an extra bed in case Chee needed a place to crash while visiting. I finished not long before the gathering. So I went almost as soon as I was done.

I joined the others at Bronze Lake last night for our weekly gathering. When I got there is was just members of the Order. I took a seat in the waters near Dusk and Kagato. Lady had insisted on tagging along. She has been rather… Insistent since the other night. Kagato was just beginning to tell a story of why he is not comfortable in Gridania.

I however was very much distracted. An reminded once more of the other evening. Frost showed up an I noticed Aimee dragging him over to a nearby part of the waters. Of course I could not help but notice his bandages once he removed his shirt. I… very much wanted to go over an see about his well being. But… He had Aimee there. He was in good hands. She would understand more then I would anyways for those involved in the experiments.

Needless to say I felt… Inadequate. For all my experience as an adventurer… I was still so inexperienced as well. As well as Lady was being so overly pestering. I think she knew I was feeling a bit down. So as the waters cleared of a few people I went over to sit near Kagato an join him for a drink. He seemed quiet an distracted as much as myself. We got to speaking an mention might have been made of things that happened the week before at Forgotten Springs. An Oni might have heard us. I swear Oni an Raiden have superior hearing…

Oni eventually, though tired, made his way over to us. I was pretty much trapped with my back to a wall. Well more like a railing an plants. But still very much the same, trapped. I could not even maneuver past him to escape away in the water where he might not follow. Just when I thought I was doomed to the same fate as Felix… Aimee did something to stun Oni for a few moments. So I took my chance to slip past him towards the waters where Aimee and Frost were.

An slipped… On water… My footing was already not as steady an sure since I had had a glass of wine. So I found myself on my butt rather ungracefully, still a good distance from safety. I thought for sure I was doomed to be licked by Oni as I sat there.

The next thing I knew… There was a hand reaching out to me. For a moment I could not breath as I looked up to see Frost looking down at me. I thought my heart might stop in my surprise. I took his hand an allowed him to help me to stand. Though the moment was so very brief… I couldn’t help but desire more. Argh! Why must I have such a weakness for men like Raiden and Frost… Of course all I could think of was to thank him for his aid. Well… At least I did thank him though I wish I could have managed more then just that. As cold an anti-social as he can be… I still want to try. I still want to attempt a friendship with him. As I’ve heard it said before, still waters run deep.

I think… I felt much better after the night ended. Much better then I had when the night began at the very least.

Journal Entry 6 - Destiney

It seems almost like a weekly ritual at this point to write in this journal after the beach gathering. However I am a few days early this time. I could not wait a few more days before writing here again. I have my reasons which I plan to write of course. I have a need to voice my feelings privately right now.

Dinner at the start of the week was pleasant enough. Though I painfully admit I do not recall much of what happened. Well other then Shaleth needing medical attention upstairs before dinner. However he did manage to lose his voice despite how I tried to help him. At least I was able to remove the pain he was feeling otherwise with some healing magic.

I seem to have a trend this week though. I can not recall when some of these events occurred. I know they occurred through the week but some of the days are just a blur. Not because they were busy. I can not say why so much of what happened has been so blurred. I hope it is not a sign that I am getting ill or something worse. I feel fine so maybe it is just a simple slip of the mind. I do have a lot on my mind of course. So it is very possible my problem is just too much going on that I can not process everything properly.

I did learn this week why Kagato wears an eye-patch. As well as why he seems to drink so heavily or hides behind a jovial mask. But I do not know if it is my place to say anything about his problems an my opinion is just that. An opinion. I can not say if what I believe is accurate. Only he could say if it is. So for now I shall keep my thoughts to myself or this journal. Though if he wishes for someone to speak to… I would be open to listening. My problems were no where in the same league as his are now but… I do remember the darkness of my own heart from those days past.

Rhisi took us out a few days ago to the North Shroud. We had a task to try an calm down some of the problems occurring near Fallgourd Float. Apparently the Dallahan were being troublesome. The Treants were also in a very displeased mood. We believe the Ixals were to blame so we went into their encampment to thin their numbers an hope that would calm down some of the disturbances in the area. I can only hope we were successful in the work we did that night.

I was in the house the next night just chatting an trying to make some more notes on some more difficult medical things. Such as the workings of the inner body an minor surgeries. Nothing overly complex but still I feel more at ease making notes. I feel I learn and remember things better this way. Well… Frost came by… I had to step outside for some fresh air. Especially after I had dropped my notebook an the stupid thing fell open to the doodles from the other week… I do not believe he saw them though.

I was still outside when Frost went to leave. I was finally able to apologize for Costa. He seemed as he usually did. Indifferent. I… I told him how I wanted to get to know him better. Possibly be friends. Only to be politely told he doesn’t really let anyone get to know him. If it is because of the… experiments… I’m not afraid. I’d say it is hard to be afraid of danger when you are so used to being at the center of it. Or nearly killing yourself. Though I have come far from those days where my life was near meaningless. An before I joined the order I was a free adventurer getting into all sorts of messy situations with people I barely knew beyond a name. So I will continue to try an get to know him as best as I can. I don’t care about his past. I want to see who he is now, not know who he used to be. I will… Just be cautious so as not to anger him. Or be a pest. I can be patient. Or at least try to be as patient as possible.

Of course Felix had such lovely timing… I nearly squeaked in surprise when back to the house as I was about done with my conversation with Frost. I had to wonder just how much he had heard. I talked with him for just a bit before I went back inside to rejoin the others. Where I spent some time talking with Rhisi. She wants me to talk with Aimee. Healing stuff mostly. Aimee… I do like her. She is just… A bit intimidating after that day in the medical room at the company house. I must say… Having a medical knife pointed at you because you startle someone is quite a surprise. Though I did in a unintentional way deserve it for bothering her. I guess I really do need to find time to speak with Aimee. If I can get her away from Oni. Oni… Still has not gotten even with me for Forgotten Springs. It makes me slightly paranoid.

Last night…

Last night was my first real mission. My first real healing job with the Order. It was… Much different then I expected. I am used to a fight against enemies, supporting those I am working with. Not an encampment of refugees outside Ul’dah. But I am not against helping those in need either. I guess I have just never considered doing such as an adventurer. We had a task to remove bee venom an help the healing process of those that had been stung because the local bees for some reason were… Very angry.

The first two people I helped went alright. There were no problems. Daisy even helped me by distracting the one lady while I worked. Thankfully I had some bandages handy in my pouch an gave them to Aimee and Dusk. (I might have had them because I was still debating if I wanted to turn Oni into a bandage mummy…) The third I tried to help started thrashing about… An I might have nearly lost my temper… I have been doing so well lately about keeping my temper leashed an under control too… I’m sure Aimee thinks less of me then before after that. I do not even have any sleep spells… Which was something she had asked me if I knew. Dusk had to help me out. I feel… Miserable. I feel like I should have been able to handle that better. These people were not adventurers or mercenaries. I should not have let myself think that way. I think… My teacher would be disappointed in me as well.

But… I will not sit in despair. I can not. I need to find my way past this. If I sit around an despair I will only find myself spiraling back down into the darkness of the past. I can not go back to that place again. If I do I am unsure if I can find my way free a second time… I will get past this somehow. I need to better myself. Learn from my foolishness. It was only my first true mission as a healer of the Order. I made a mistake. An I will find a way past that mistake. I have to.

Journal Entry 5 - Destiney

It is almost hard to believe a week has gone by again. I thought last week was long. This week seemed to come an go in the blink of an eye. I feel like it has been a literal whirlwind. So many comings and going this week alone.

I was… Worried? Well confused most definitely. So many of the people I knew were in the order when I joined when their own separate ways. An new faces were accepted to replenish the ranks. So it feels like a very confusing time. So many new names and faces.

However the week started off… Interesting. I did not mean to get drunk the day the next day after the last dinner with some of the members that departed. It was certainly not because of their departures. It was… More of an accident really. I was making notes up at the bar. Medical notes of course. I have been looking into non-aetherical methods of healing. Just in case. I decided to relax with a glass of the wine that Felix had introduced me to at Bronze Lake a few weeks ago. One glass turned into two… An in the end I was a bit… Tipsy when Felix showed up at the house an joined me at the bar upstairs. Okay maybe a bit more then tipsy. Somewhere along the line Rhisi an Chee joined us as well. I did not know that Oni an Aimee were downstairs. An Chee got me all flustered by admitting I have a thing for handsome dark skin elezen men. Which of course… Raiden overheard… Sigh… I ended up with another glass which I drank before heading downstairs with Chee an Rhisi. Thankfully I did not fall down the stairs. From there I only remember pieces of the rest of the night.

I remember the doodles in my notebook along the edges of the page. A rough drawing of Raiden and Frost. Eventually one of Oni looking like a devil. An one that I believe is supposed to be my father an a dead Garlean solider with arrows stuck in him. I remember calling Raiden ‘yummy chocolate’ and poking Oni. An something about my hands not being cake. No idea about how that came up. The details were lost in my drunken haze. I must remember not to drink when Oni or Raiden are about. Not that I usually drink.

I was pretty nervous to run into either of them the next day after that night. Though I did talk to Felix for a bit that day. An I might have mentioned wanting to turn Raiden an Oni into bandage mummys for that night. So the two of us might plot against them to make it happen. This could be interesting.

We went with Rhisi on a mission for a client. I will admit… I hid behind the bookcase when I heard Oni an Aimee arrive. Thankfully either Rhisi took pity on me or bless the Twelve I got lucky not to be paired with Oni for the mission. Probably because this way both teams had healers. Aimee always seems to be with Oni. Chee was invited to come with us. So the team was Rhisi, Chee, and I. A solid team if you ask me. A free paladin, a bard, and a scholar. A nice little balance.

We went into a dungeon Chee an I have some experience with out in the Shroud. Though I will admit not with a lot of success. The problem with taking a team of people you do not know is often a lack of teamwork. Things went much smoother with Chee and Rhisi though. We encountered the many traps and ambushes. Thankfully I tend to carry a few vials of echo drops since I managed to trigger a trap on myself… We did manage to find what the client was looking for. It was on a rather fearsome looking creature. However it was easier then it appeared it would be to fell. I think it is because the three of us worked so well together.

A couple of days later was when all the new faces began to join us. Konner an Rhisi had decided to recruit a few outsiders to aid us with a mission into the East Shroud. Sylph territory… How I despise those annoying pests. Those stink bombs… Ugh… But we had to venture deep inside their territory to find what Rhisi needed for the wards around the house. It was… Interesting to say the least. I nearly jumped out of my skin when one of those nasty toads landed right behind me. Thankfully we were able to make it deep enough to find what we needed upon one of the tempered Sylph. Rhisi gave it to me to hold on to. I was… Surprised. Maybe it was because she knew I would have a pouch of some sort to hold it within. Or maybe because she trusted me. It… feels nice to think that I might be trusted after only a short time with them. Then again I have given them no reason to distrust me either. We returned to the house to chat for a bit an I gave the crystal back to Rhisi.

I attempted to be present the next day to meet some of the other new faces. However I was feeling a bit under the weather. So I was forced to leave early. The extra rest was good though. I felt better today because of it. I think it might have been too much time in the heat that day. Though I had not left before Lady an Luna seemed to be plotting things. I am still worried Lady might nip Luna. Though Luna seems to think it might be a good idea to try an ride Lady around the halls…

Tonight though I got to meet some of those new faces I had not had much of a chance to interact with. As well as people outside off the Order as well. Including a few people from the neighborhood Chee an I live in. I had met X’apa early in the week while over at Chee’s house. Apparently his Free Company has a house nearby. Rhela and Suumiko from his Company came with him and us to the gathering tonight at Forgotten Springs.

I did as I usually do an was distracted by the first member of the order I felt like talking to. Which happened to be Kagato. I was a bit surprised to see him outside of his gear tonight. I don’t recall him being in swim gear last week at Costa when I first met him. We talked for a bit before I chose a spot to sit an wait for Chee to return. I would have conversed with our neighbors but they seemed busy with a few friends of theirs that had surprised them by visiting. Chee returned from whatever business she had to deal with shortly before we were joined by Tita. Apparently the girl is going to be coming by the Order house soon to take care of the chocobos. We had a pleasant conversation until she had to depart. Chee had departed as well since she was nodding off sitting beside me. So I joined Mithra and Kagato near the steps. We talked about Raiden for a few moments. An of course… Raiden has not forgotten… Ugh! Eavesdropper!

It was towards the end of the night that I could not help myself. I seen Mithra and Oni standing together. Both of them seemed so transfixed on what was happening. Mithra was rubbing his belly and Oni… Well he was enjoying it. So I pushed them both off the dock into the water below to cool them off. I am so going to pay for doing that. I am sure Oni is going to find some way to get even with me. I hope it is not licking my face like he did to Felix the night I was drinking… I better watch my back for a little while. Heh.

Anyways… I should get some rest.

Journal Entry 4 - Destiney

I wrote last week that I was seeking membership among the Order. Well… I have been accepted. Though now the question is shall I fit in among the others or will I find that easy acceptance at the gatherings is different then fighting along side them when it matters. It has…. Been a very interesting week.

I was introduced to a good bit of the members the day after the last gathering during a dinner Adlynn prepared for everyone. It was a very good meal. Adlynn is a wonderful cook. The atmosphere was much like that of a family. I had the sense of warmth being around them at gatherings usually brings. A sense of almost being like a family. Family…

I offered my skills as a healer in anyway I could be useful. I want to be useful. So I chatted with Aimee and Oni after dinner to finalize my joining. We dealt with some of the important bits of joining the order. Oh an we had cake. Cake.

Two days later I joined a Hunting party led by Rhisi. We went out into the snowy cold of Western Coerthas. We spent a bit tracking down a couple monsters who were menacing the people of the area. As well as one lead that seemed to be a fever dream someone claimed was real. Thankfully there were no serious injuries that night. Just a few scratches that were easily dealt with. A blizzard blew in suddenly so we called off any further hunting. It was probably for the best. There was no sense in losing anyone to the storms out there. Coerthas weather is no joking matter.

A few days after the hunting, I joined Rhisi and Konner for a small camping venture just outside of Gridania in the East Shroud. I remember the place fondly that they picked. My brother and I used to play there as children. There was always a wood wailer on duty by the docks. He usually watched us as a favor to our father.

I course had shown up with my bow upon my back. Rhisi knew I was a healer by profession. I had mentioned at dinner that I did have some skills with a bow but I can not remember if she had been present. So she was surprised to see me there with my father’s favorite bow. I explained to her about my father an his time as a Gods’ Quiver before his passing during the fighting at Certeneau Flatts…

But it was the events that transpired after that small camping gathering that… in a way pulled the rug from beneath my feet. I… am still trying to sort out my feelings an thoughts. It was a lot to take in an consider. I am in no way thinking of quitting or backing out now. Even if things have gotten a lot…. Stranger. More difficult. No not more difficult. I accept the challenge. I will not back down!

At first I thought that when I met Zero he was just messing with my head. Trying to confuse me. The way he described things… Was almost child-like. Almost like trying to tell some wild story to an adult. I mean who describes a serious injury as someone ‘had her air popped’… Thankfully Farrson showed up an explained things in a more clear manner. Though he left with me much to think about. Choices to make.

Apparently a few members of the company are… Unique. A product of Garlean experimentation. Garlean monsters! How they can toy with a living being… It makes me so angry! First my father dying by their hands an now I learn how they messed with peoples’ lives as if they were nothing more then… As if they were nothing more then toys to take apart an put back together! I may be past the stage of seeking revenge for taking my father from me… But I will help in any way that Aimee will allow me to. In helping them I am defying those monsters that did these unspeakable things.

I talked with Aimee the next day. I watched her fixing the wound Oni obtained a few days ago. It was… A learning experience to see first hand some of the work the Garleans had done to him. An quite the shocking experience to learn that Raiden’s aether was bound to the spear Oni carried around. How am I to consider him now? A ghost or spirit trapped in a weapon? I’m almost afraid to ask how he is able to take a physical form for the gatherings he has shown up to… I… don’t want to know… Not yet. I prefer to think of him as I was before I learned the truth. I like him an don’t want to ruin that. Just for a little while. Let me continue to believe for a little while longer. I know I should know the truth an not hide behind what I thought before I knew… But with so much to think about an learn… I need time.

Of course I was still sorting myself out when I went to the weekly gathering. I might have upset Frost… I should have chosen to wait to talk to him. Apparently he was also among those the Garleans toyed with. I… Should have waited. Stupid, stupid, stupid! I blurted out words I should not have said. He… was very cold towards me after those words. Oni an Aimee think it was because someone tricked him into showing an he is not much into gatherings of people. Still I guess I shall be apologizing to him again soon as I see him once more. Hopefully after I have gotten my head straightened out. I really did want to get to know him better since I think I recall him being from Gridania as well.

I just need time to sort out everything. Notes to make an things to learn. It is all a very lot to learn in only a few days time. So for now I am going to find a place to start an take things one step at a time. I just need to breath an be patient. Even when patience is sometimes hard.