Journal Entry 4 - Destiney

I wrote last week that I was seeking membership among the Order. Well… I have been accepted. Though now the question is shall I fit in among the others or will I find that easy acceptance at the gatherings is different then fighting along side them when it matters. It has…. Been a very interesting week.

I was introduced to a good bit of the members the day after the last gathering during a dinner Adlynn prepared for everyone. It was a very good meal. Adlynn is a wonderful cook. The atmosphere was much like that of a family. I had the sense of warmth being around them at gatherings usually brings. A sense of almost being like a family. Family…

I offered my skills as a healer in anyway I could be useful. I want to be useful. So I chatted with Aimee and Oni after dinner to finalize my joining. We dealt with some of the important bits of joining the order. Oh an we had cake. Cake.

Two days later I joined a Hunting party led by Rhisi. We went out into the snowy cold of Western Coerthas. We spent a bit tracking down a couple monsters who were menacing the people of the area. As well as one lead that seemed to be a fever dream someone claimed was real. Thankfully there were no serious injuries that night. Just a few scratches that were easily dealt with. A blizzard blew in suddenly so we called off any further hunting. It was probably for the best. There was no sense in losing anyone to the storms out there. Coerthas weather is no joking matter.

A few days after the hunting, I joined Rhisi and Konner for a small camping venture just outside of Gridania in the East Shroud. I remember the place fondly that they picked. My brother and I used to play there as children. There was always a wood wailer on duty by the docks. He usually watched us as a favor to our father.

I course had shown up with my bow upon my back. Rhisi knew I was a healer by profession. I had mentioned at dinner that I did have some skills with a bow but I can not remember if she had been present. So she was surprised to see me there with my father’s favorite bow. I explained to her about my father an his time as a Gods’ Quiver before his passing during the fighting at Certeneau Flatts…

But it was the events that transpired after that small camping gathering that… in a way pulled the rug from beneath my feet. I… am still trying to sort out my feelings an thoughts. It was a lot to take in an consider. I am in no way thinking of quitting or backing out now. Even if things have gotten a lot…. Stranger. More difficult. No not more difficult. I accept the challenge. I will not back down!

At first I thought that when I met Zero he was just messing with my head. Trying to confuse me. The way he described things… Was almost child-like. Almost like trying to tell some wild story to an adult. I mean who describes a serious injury as someone ‘had her air popped’… Thankfully Farrson showed up an explained things in a more clear manner. Though he left with me much to think about. Choices to make.

Apparently a few members of the company are… Unique. A product of Garlean experimentation. Garlean monsters! How they can toy with a living being… It makes me so angry! First my father dying by their hands an now I learn how they messed with peoples’ lives as if they were nothing more then… As if they were nothing more then toys to take apart an put back together! I may be past the stage of seeking revenge for taking my father from me… But I will help in any way that Aimee will allow me to. In helping them I am defying those monsters that did these unspeakable things.

I talked with Aimee the next day. I watched her fixing the wound Oni obtained a few days ago. It was… A learning experience to see first hand some of the work the Garleans had done to him. An quite the shocking experience to learn that Raiden’s aether was bound to the spear Oni carried around. How am I to consider him now? A ghost or spirit trapped in a weapon? I’m almost afraid to ask how he is able to take a physical form for the gatherings he has shown up to… I… don’t want to know… Not yet. I prefer to think of him as I was before I learned the truth. I like him an don’t want to ruin that. Just for a little while. Let me continue to believe for a little while longer. I know I should know the truth an not hide behind what I thought before I knew… But with so much to think about an learn… I need time.

Of course I was still sorting myself out when I went to the weekly gathering. I might have upset Frost… I should have chosen to wait to talk to him. Apparently he was also among those the Garleans toyed with. I… Should have waited. Stupid, stupid, stupid! I blurted out words I should not have said. He… was very cold towards me after those words. Oni an Aimee think it was because someone tricked him into showing an he is not much into gatherings of people. Still I guess I shall be apologizing to him again soon as I see him once more. Hopefully after I have gotten my head straightened out. I really did want to get to know him better since I think I recall him being from Gridania as well.

I just need time to sort out everything. Notes to make an things to learn. It is all a very lot to learn in only a few days time. So for now I am going to find a place to start an take things one step at a time. I just need to breath an be patient. Even when patience is sometimes hard.