Unfortunately for the first time in my life I had to dye the color of my hair from its natural shade. It seems when I was trying to clean Oni’s drool off my face… I must have gotten some into my hair. So I now have sections of blue in my hair. I tried to cover it. Tried to make it look more natural by dying my hair purple. Thankfully there have only been a few surprised reactions to the sudden change. None that have claimed it look back on me.
I know I am more then the color of my hair. It is just… A vast change from what I have spent all my life knowing. It was a bit startling to myself.
But that is not what brings on these mixed feelings. Eventually the blue shall fade. Conversations the last few days have dredged up old memories.
Last night… A story was told of events that had occurred to some of the Order’s members in the past. Most of the names I did not recognize among those who currently call the Order home. It was… a very dark story. Black Valley. I do not recognize the name though it is a place within the Shroud. Probably because of the horrifying things that occurred there as I listened to the story.
The things spoken of in that story… I shudder to recall the images that came to mind as I listened. They were not pleasant. An they stirred up old memories of my own though they pale in comparison to the horrors Rhisi an those at the Black Valley must have had to deal with. I was barely able to remain seated there until the end of the story.
I wanted to run outside into the fresh air. I wanted to be anywhere but sitting there imagining those horrors. Worse that Dusk has mentioned a need for the Order to return there. I… I do not know if I can manage that… To face something like that… To be able to hold my ground…
It is not that I am… Afraid. I thought I had moved past the nightmares that use to plague me after my rash of stupidity upon leaving Ishgard after five years. But lately… There have been things reminding me… Bringing those nightmares back. That story… The blood… The faces haunting my dreams… I think… I am going to go away for the weekend. Try to restore myself. I can not break now. Not now…
Thankfully Felix was kind enough to bring me a glass of wine. I might have accepted stronger if it was not for the fact that we had a mission later. I did not want to be trying to preform my tasks drunk. The wine was enough to bolster my failing spirit. Though there was a mention about a Castrum… Thankfully the topic did not linger there long or the wine might not have been enough to keep me sane.
I was paired with Maria and Felix for our trip down into some Gelmorra ruins. It was my first time into combat with Felix. An with Maria. I was looking forward to it actually. I have been getting along well with Felix so far an was excited to be paired with him. Though I was concerned with Kagato going tonight as he seemed… Very quiet. I can not find a better word right now to describe it. Not when I am still learning about many of the members of the Order. But Kagato was with Aimee an Oni. I was sure they would be fine.
Things went decently is probably the best way to describe what happened on our end of the trip into the ruins. The aether down there was making Felix a little green. Well beyond the lovely shade of green he was when a trap turned him into a frog for a short bit. Heh. We reached a voidal creature towards the end of our journey through the first section without encountering any of these so called spirits we were to look into. I decided to use one of the pomanders we had found on our way towards the end of the section.
I HATE that pomander of lust. I feel so disgusting after using it… Like I want to scrub my skin till it is raw an just keep scrubbing. I have nothing against Luna who has been following Kagato around like a cute pet succubus. But I NEVER want to be one. Ugh!
So when we got back to the house finally I took Felix up on that earlier offer of something a bit stronger then wine. So Felix, Dusk, Maria, and myself sat around the dinning table for a bit an chatted as we drank. I think… Dusk may have mistaken my slightly intoxicated behavior with Felix as if we had known each other a long time an possibly might have something between us. I could be wrong. I was intoxicated though not as bad as the last time. The stuff Felix gave us… He said it was strong… He was not kidding. Not that I wouldn’t mind getting to know Felix better. What I have seen of him thus far makes me think we could have a very wonderful friendship.
I will admit though. He is rather striking for a Highlander. Not that I would try to pursue him. I am a married woman after all. I have to draw a line somewhere. Even when it comes to my thing for tall, dark, handsome elezen men. Heh. Distractions are a nice thing. Especially to help keep my mind on the present an away from the past.
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