Journal Entry 33 - Destiney

Now where did I leave off last time… Oh yes the knock at my door. Apparently I have a cousin who decided to come from Ishgard to watch over me. On occasion. Apparently he has been spying upon me for a while now. An those in my free company. It seems my grandfather has not been too fond of some of my recent activities. He originally sent Lance to spy on us an report back to him.

Lance claims he’s giving him false information though. That Lance just wants a chance to prove himself to me now. Since Dusk and Raiden seemed to think he’s not a danger to me… I’m giving him a chance. A chance to prove himself and the words he claims to be true. So we’ve spent some time getting to know each other. Just a little bit so far. Both of our lives are somewhat busy. So we just try to find time where we can.

There have been no recent missions. At least none that I know of. Life has been busy for many of us this past week. Work or family requiring attention from many. Myself included. Between visiting my mother and dealing with my cousin. An some work for the Flames and Gods’ Quiver.

I met Feterra… Apparently a friend of Nate’s who is staying with him… We had words the other night. Not exactly pleasant words. I do not know how much of the things she said I believe or want to accept with at least a grain of salt. She said Nate hates healers. That she can’t believe Nate would be friends with me. Unless we were ‘special’ friends. Just because Nate stayed on my couch in my room at the Order’s house when he was injured… Nothing has ever happened like that between us. I would never ask that of Nate. I would be afraid it would ruin what does exist between us if I even did. An I can see the pain when he mentions Granger.

I was… Angry. I think I kept my temper rather well despite the anger I was feeling towards her words and judgements of the bond between Nate and I. Thankfully Rhisi arrived an our conversation ended. I took a walk rather then continuing to let her goad me into further anger. It would not benefit anything for me to have remained. She did apologize to me later before I went to bed. I was no longer feeling well.

Oni had been the reason I had felt ill. He had come home with items from a recent hunt. All I could remember was the day I had found him hunting. The blood and sight I found… The thought still made me fearful to be around him. I have been avoiding him an staying away from him as much as possible since that day. At least until last night.

Rhisi had pulled me aside. She had mentioned the day before about asking me how I was doing with the cards. She did ask about the cards… But there was more to our discussion then just that. We also discussed Oni. I was asked if I had ever tried to ask the cards about Oni. I had. Twice now. Once a while back when I was last having problems with him. An then again last night. Each time the answer was the same. Incomplete. Unfinished. Rhisi thought it was actually fitting of the man she knows Oni to be.

I… Came to a realization last night in that discussion. I don’t want to die. Not anymore. Not like I once had. Somehow in my fear while watching Oni… In thinking I might be next… I realized I no longer wanted to die. I had never given the idea much thought since the day I tried to die outside of Occidens. I had wanted to die so badly. I had wanted to take those soldiers with me. Instead I had left a broken mess. I was saved and could not understand why. I was inches from death. Seconds maybe. Yet I was saved. For so long… I couldn’t understand why. I’m not entirely sure I still know why. Yet… Maybe I am finally on the path to understanding it.

Rhisi told me a small story. In a way she seems to think that the events that occurred on my nameday… That this is in a way a part of my rebirth. That it is like the warriors of her story. They live to fight an die in battle. Only to sometimes live. That it is not a second chance. It’s a path towards a rebirth. To accepting that they are alive an that is how they want to be. That the path is never easy. It can be dark, stormy, painful, and filled with fear. It’s the acceptance that is the rebirth. Realizing you want to be alive.

Maybe part of me did die that day. Maybe that part of me my uncle, Leon, an Dove saved was worth it. Worth breathing life back into. Even as broken an shattered as I was. That fragment they worked to restore… It just took me time to realize I wanted to be alive.

Of course this doesn’t mean some magic wand has been waved an I will be one hundred percent alright from now on. I’m still an imperfect creature. I am still finding my way in life. I am still figuring things out. I’ll still have moments where I doubt myself and my abilities. Where all I feel is the darkness in my own heart. That is still a part of who I am. There is no magical cure. There is no quick fix. But… There will always be people who love and care about me though. An somehow I will make it through even when my doubts threaten to drown me.

Oni… I am still unsure how I feel about him. Other then… I still want to be his friend. I was honest about that with him last night at Bronze Lake. I do not know if I can look at him the same way I once did. I do not know if I will ever be able to easily accept the predator he is deep down. I do know that the people of this company that know the truth trust him completely. Rhisi said he chooses us. He chooses to give everything he is to us. That even if he was half mad with hunger he would still do everything in his power to control himself and protect those he calls his family. Somehow… I need to find a way to accept this. In my own way. To come to terms with what lurks beneath that gentle exterior.

Leera… He knows I gave up the potion to Felix yesterday. Felix felt it was dangerous. That somehow it was some plot against Oni. I had never once intended to give it to Oni. Leera gave it to me. It was for my safety. But… I knew Felix wouldn’t let up. I didn’t want to ruin what is between Felix and I. Our friendship does mean a good deal to me. So I gave it to him. Apparently Leera had been nearby an observed. He contacted me over the linkpearl he had left me. I felt bad. I’m not sure if he thought I would lie to him as Felix asked me to or something else. He sounded disappointed. Whether it was just in Felix or the fact that I handed it over I do not know. One thing I will admit is that I am disappointed that I will not hear from Leera again for a time. He said he had to go away for a while. However I did let Felix know I would not stop talking to Leera just because I handed over that vial.

It is unfair to make me pick sides. To keep me in the dark an assume I should side with one based on words alone. I still think there is some shred of good in Leera. I will continue to keep this stance until he proves me wrong otherwise. Till he proves to me that there is no redemption for a soul like his. If I can accept Leera… Surely I can find a way to accept Oni as well. They are both dangerous in their own ways. I will find a way to come to terms with everything. One way or another. I hope. I believe.

There is one thing that bothers me though… I had stepped away from Felix, Dusk, an Rhisi to answer Leera. I told them it was something personal. Which.., It technically is. Still it feels so close to lying… I found myself unable to admit to who I spoke with. Not with Dusk and Felix present. I know their opinions of Leera. I knew they would frown upon it.

Damn it all… I totally did not have a chance to speak with Nate last night either. I spent the first half of the night enjoying the quiet as I was left alone. I mean Konner did come to check in with me which was kind of him. Eventually though Nate brought over a guest who was staying at the house. Yet I did not get a moment alone with him to speak with him about Feterra.

I had a first that night. Nate brought Taka over to me who was very visibly pregnant. I have never dealt with a pregnant person before. Nor have I ever had to check on the health of a child. I am still such a novice healer yet Nate… Seemed to think enough of my skills to bring her to me instead of Aimee. I was nervous and unsure. Yet… I think I did alright.

Overall… This past several days has been a literal whirlwind. I feel like I have been up an down and all over the place emotionally. Many good and bad. I think… Once I can sort through my feelings… Sort through how to handle everything… I will be just fine. Yes… I think that is accurate.

Two Paths Converge - Destiney and Lancefer

(So. First meeting for the cousins, Destiney and Lance. Since my characters cannot actually ever meet each other in game, of course, I wrote this for them.)

Destiney quickly tucked away her journal as she finished the last lines for the entry she was working on. The fact that someone was knocking on her door had her curious. Chee and J'siris usually didn’t bother knocking and waiting. They usually just knocked then came in. Whoever was at the door today wasn’t them. She didn’t usually get visitors at her personal home. It wasn’t an address she openly gave out. This place was an escape from all the chaos and activity in her life. Her one safe haven from everything.

What she hadn’t been expecting was the handsome elezen on the other side. She was pretty sure she had never met this man before. His darker skin tone almost made her mistake him for a duskwight at first. But the racial cuffs on the ears marked him as a wildwood. His hair was raven black with what appeared to be dark blue highlights in places. Faint freckles dotted his cheekbones right below his summer sky blue eyes. She found herself speechless as she stared up at him.

“Destiney? Destiney Delvanguard yes?” He asked as he bowed politely to her. Even an Ishgardian accent touched his voice.

“Yes. Who are you?” She finally managed to find her voice to ask the young man before her. The accent had set her on edge. It had been the douse of cold water she needed when staring at a handsome elezen man. She knew very few people in Ishgard. He was not among those. Very few of those she even knew there could be counted among those she trusted. So what brought this man to her doorstep then?

“Lancefer, Knight in service of House Haillenarte. May I come in?”

Destiney stepped aside as she held the door open for him to come in. She had not missed his lack of a last name. Curiosity won out over caution though. There was no one she remembered among Haillenarte. Never before had she interacted with anyone from the High Houses. Not even a knight of one. She had always kept her time in Ishgard limited after her five year stay had ended years ago. Only returning as needed for information or items bartered from a trader there. Not even returning to visit her aunt. Though she did send letters at times to let her aunt know she was still alive.

Thankfully the recent remodel of her kitchen allowed for better space to deal with guests. Mostly because she had been tempted to invite members of the company by sometime. Most definitely a few of them at the very least. She had already had Felix over once. Along with his friend Rowan. It had just been a few nights ago actually.

Lancefer picked a chair not far from the doors, placing his gauntlet clad hands on the back but didn’t sit. He looked anxious and nervous though he did hold himself well without fidgeting. As if whatever he had come here for, was bad news. Or at least news he was unsure how she would take. Destiney didn’t take her eyes off him though as she moved around the counter into the kitchen. The more distance between them the better. Not that there was much room for escape if needed. Especially being in the kitchen. Still the space between them an the counters made her feel a fraction safer to deal with the Ishgardian in her home.

“What can I help you with, Ser Lancefer?” Destiney asked as she grabbed a bottle of white wine off the cupboard shelf before turning her attention back to him. There was no way she wished to take her eyes off him for long. His sword and shield were not drawn but that did not make him any less dangerous. Her bow was downstairs on her desk as she had not expected needing it. As was her soulstone so there was no way to call Daisy to her aid. Fingers reached into her pocket to brush against her linkpearl. At least that much she never left just anywhere. It was also on her person.

“This… This is hard to explain.” Lancefer said with a sigh as he ran a hand through his dark hair. He finally let go of the back of the chair and began to pace. “After speaking with both Lady Miu and Lady Dusk… They both thought it time I come clean to you. That I come speak with you. I beg you to hear me out until I finish what I have to say though. Will you?” He looked at her with pleading eyes as he stopped his pacing for a moment.

“Lady Dusk? You know Dusk?” Destiney frowned as she looked at him. Lady Miu was a name she had not heard before but she only knew one Dusk. It made her feel she needed to be extra cautious now if the Dusk he spoke of was the one she knew. Though it also made her want to find out the truth. Surely if he was dangerous Dusk wouldn’t have suggested he come speak to her. After all Dusk kept trying to warn her of Leera because she thought the duskwight was dangerous. Granted Leera was dangerous in a way but he had never proven a danger to her yet.

“Lady Dusk of the Order you belong to yes. I have…” He hesitated as he took a deep breath as if to try an ease the tension of his body. He could see the way Destiney had tensed up as he confirmed that they were talking about the same Dusk. “I… have been speaking with various members of your company. For a while now actually. Raiden. Oni. Lady Tara.  To name a few. I dined with them for a brief time at the beginning of the week even. They knew the truth an have held their tongues on the matter because I pleaded for them to do so.”

“Held their tongues on what matter? Get to the point.” Destiney said with a frown as she gently placed the wine bottle down on the counter behind her. She no longer trusted herself to hold on to it. Afraid she may either throw it or drop it. Almost wished she had a seat in case she needed it with whatever this knight was about to tell her.

“Please hear me out until the end. At first what I have done is because of orders on behalf of my grandfather. But as time went on my motivations changed. My reasons for doing what I have done have changed. Fury take me… I even battled Raiden on behalf of those motivations. Before the eyes of Halone herself outside the gates to Ishgard…” A heavy sigh as he resumed pacing once more as his story slowly unfolded. “I lost gloriously to Raiden. I never stood a ghost of a chance. I thought… thought you were safe with members like Raiden to watch your back.”

“Safe? Safe from what?” Destiney struggled to remain patient. She found his words to grate her nerves. Why had he challenged Raiden? What was she supposed to be safe from? Interally she was screaming for him to get to the point. However she knew screaming an getting angry would do little good. It was obvious whatever this knight was trying to say was difficult. He wanted to make his point with as many details as possible.

“From my grandfather. Our grandfather.” His eyes met hers. He held his breath as he watched her for any sign. Any sign of what she was likely to do. When she just stared at him in confusion he pressed forward. His words came quicker now. Hurrying to make his point before she had a chance to toss him out of her house without finishing. “My name is Lancefer Aurifore. I am your cousin. Grandfather at first sent me to spy on you an report back to him. Looking for any weakness he could use against you. Once I learned you were my cousin though… I started to defy his wishes. I fed him false information. I fought Raiden for your safety. He… Doesn’t have the best of reputations among the knights but it is not my story to tell.”

“Wait… What? Grandfather… That…” Destiney sucked in a sharp breath as she gripped the counter behind her. Her eyes stared down at the floor beneath her feet. She felt like a rug had been ripped out from under her. She had had no interactions with the old bastard since she had left Ishgard. Gladly had she kept it that way. Neither one of them wanted to be family to one another. Yet this man in her home was calling himself her cousin. She felt angry and confused all at the same time.

“I tried my best to work from the shadows. To keep anything that might damn you as a heretic from reaching grandfather. But… I am a knight not a spy. I have a certain amount of honor to uphold. Haillenarte has already fallen too far without me adding anything worse to their reputation.” His pacing stopped again. Once more his hands gripped the back of the chair nearest to him. His gaze was downcast. “Both Lady Miu and Lady Dusk insisted this farce needed to end. That I needed to come clean an speak with you. I… You are my family. I cannot stand by an allow this continue. To allow this all to spiral out without you knowing what sort of danger might lurk in the shadows. Please…”

His words seemed heartfelt. That was what struck Destiney the most. Never before beyond her aunt had anyone from that side of the family reached out to her. To most of them her mother was an outcast. An she a half-breed bastard. Yet here was one claiming to be different. To actually be trying to warn her. Grandfather having a desire to brand her a heretic was actually not very far fetched. She didn’t like the man an he certainly didn’t like her.

“If you can not trust my words alone… If you have reason to distrust me… Speak with Raiden or Lady Dusk. Or even Lady Tara. Please. Even if you toss me out right now… Please just believe me… All I want is to keep you safe.”

Destiney felt at a loss for words. Every name of an Order member was someone she trusted. Even if she was not currently on good terms with Oni. It still said something if those people had trusted him enough to keep his secret. It explained the occasional feeling of being watched.

Family. The gods were offering her another piece of a family. A piece she had never known till now. Could she trust his words rang true? Could she really just accept his words for what they were? Haillenarte… It was one of the decent High Houses. One she had always thought to be far more noble then those monsters of House Dzamael. Maybe his words could be trusted.

Raiden had fought with him an allowed the man to live. He had walked away from a battle that could have very well killed him. If Raiden had allowed him to live… There must be some shred of truth to his pleas. Which struck another cord in her. After what she had watched Oni and Raiden to be capable of… They had allowed someone who had clearly attacked them to walk away alive.

Her hands clenched as she tried to decide how to react. Slowly she reopened her hands and finally looked up at him. His head was still bowed as if waiting for her judgment. Part of her was angry, furious even. Part of her felt sympathy towards him. Her heart was tugged in various direction of emotion as her mind tried to sort through the information in a reasonable fashion. How dare he assume she needed his protection. How dare he spy on her! Yet… He was reaching out to her now…

Destiney stalked from the kitchen over to where Lancefer stood, still not looking up as she approached. Her hands met his shoulders, shoving backwards. With a clatter of metal, Lancefer found himself on his butt staring up at her with wide startled eyes. Destiney crossed her arms over her chest as she looked down at him with a frown.

“How dare you assume I need your protection. How dare you stalk me from the shadows yet call yourself a knight. How dare you assume I want any contact with anyone in the Aurifore family.” Destiney began. Her voice was firm yet the anger was held at bay. Slowly she dropped her arms from where she had crossed them. A hand stretched out to him. “Get up.”

He stared at her dumbfounded and speechless. First she had shoved him and scolded him. Now she was offering her hand out to him. Demanding he get back to his feet. Her expression was hard for him to read. He took her offered hand, getting back to his feet with her assistance.

“I appreciate your concern but I can protect myself… Most of the time.” A tug at the corners of her mouth was the first sign of true emotion since that frown had faded into a blank look. “I will give you a chance. One chance. If you screw up, you will never bother me again. If you are truly as honest as you have made yourself sound… Then… Welcome to the family?”

Lance felt his eyes would pop out of his head as he listened to her words. He threw his arms around her without thinking, hugging her tight. She squeaked in protest at the sudden hug by a man she didn’t really know yet. He quickly pulled back with a sheepish smile.

“Sorry… I was expecting worse. Like things thrown at me… Or spells. Halone have mercy.” He laughed nervously. “I am… Overjoyed that you are going to give me a chance. I have never been close with my siblings. I have been… the black sheep of the family since the day I joined Haillenarte.”

“Well then…” Destiney looked around at her kitchen, eyes settling upon the bottle of wine. “Tell me about it over a drink? You already know more about me then I know about you.”

“Ah… Tea maybe? You do drink tea yes? I am afraid I have duty later this evening. Alcohol would not be wise.” Lance said as he removed his sword and shield, leaving them near the door.

“Tea it is.”

Journal Entry 32 - Destiney

It’s been a time since I’ve last written in here. I was… emotionally distraught last time. Things are… A mix between better an worse. Depends upon which day we speak of. Am I as upset as the last time I wrote? No. Am I still… Gods I don’t know. The things I’ve seen and had to think on in the time between then and now…
The missions and the missing kids. Yes more missing kids which we found and rescued this time thankfully. Dealing with missing supplies only to have to deal with our masked foe and corrupted fire elementals and the undead… Our missions have been getting more and more dangerous. Dealings with a fanatic crazed with some sort of being named Gaia. It’s a lot to take in. A lot to understand. It leaves me scratching my head an wondering where to find the answers. We can’t even touch our masked foe. Twelve be merciful… We need to get to the bottom of this before anyone else gets hurt. Aras was hurt in the fight with the masked foe and his behemoth. Quarcy was hurt in the fight with the masked foe an his tortoise and fire elementals. I am tired of watching the others get hurt. There has to be answers somewhere. There just has to be…

On a plus side to the time I’ve spent… I am back on good terms once more with Felix and Dusk. Though they have both multiple times cautioned me against Leera. Both of them have. I know they mean well.

But I hold to what I believe. I believe Leera can be a better person. He just needs the right influences. He’s been nothing short of caring when I talk to him. Alright sometimes he seems a little cold. But he’s always been honest. He even gave me a potion of sorts in case I were to get hurt. Which of course Felix seems to insist is some kind of poison. I highly doubt it is. Leera gave it to me while we were discussing Oni.

Speaking of Oni… I got to witness him hunting by accident. Wrong place, wrong time… To think… Our head of security can behave like that… To know what he is capable of… I understand now why Leera warned me. I was never more thankful in that moment to have that linkpearl to contact Leera with. I was so afraid I couldn’t think straight. I thought for sure I was going to end up as Oni’s next meal. An to watch him… No I can’t recall it. It still makes me feel ill.

Felix seems to think I need to keep an open mind. I’ve always had an open mind. But this… This is wrong on so many levels. Nate said Oni wanted to apologize. I’m not sure I want to be alone in the same room with him. I’m not sure I can trust him after what I saw. After everything I’ve been told between Leera and Raiden. I’m not sure what to think right now… I’m not sure I will ever be able to look at him in the same way again. There might always be that fear now.

I’m hoping to see Leera again soon. I’m hoping to finish discussing some of what was mentioned before Dusk showed up during our last chat. Hopefully…

Ah… I will have to finish writing another time. There is a knock on my door. Might be Chee or her brother. It is unusual for me to have guests at my personal home.

Heartbreak - Lancefer

Lance had been over the moon to go to that wedding as Miu’s date. Though being on display to her friends and free company had been a tad bit embarrassing. Though the mood had sobered up a bit once they had been alone. Well mostly alone even though one of her drunk friends slept on in the room next to where they had stood.

She had asked after his well being since it had been days since they had last met. He hadn’t wanted to worry her. Hadn’t wanted to admit he had an encounter with Savara. He had been in Camp Dragonhead at the time when Savara made yet another appearance. His wounds had been minor in comparison to those also injured in fending off the dragon. But he had not been able to lie to her. Not to Miu.

Unfortunately his work had kept her from seeing her again for a few days. Thankfully it had been an uneventful few days. No more injuries to report. Those that he had had were fine with a little healing help from Miu the last they were together. However…

He had not expected the wound that was dealt when he met with Miu last night. It was not physical but emotional. She had broken things off between them. His family had gotten between them. Not in a literal sense. But she had been worried about him. Worried about his future if they remained together. She had not also been ready. Seeing her ex-lover at the wedding had reminded her of painful times.

Lance’s fist hit the stone wall. The metal of his gauntlet protecting his hand from more then possibly bruising. He was disappointed and upset about this turn in his life. He heaved a sigh as he leaned against the wall, resting his forehead against the cold stone.

Miu wanted to remain his friend and steadfast ally. She still wanted to help him explore that dreaded place in his mad quest. Still cared about him. Just not in the way he had hoped. But he still had her in his life. They had only dated twice. He had hoped too soon. It was his own fault really. He knew better. But it still stung. Still hurt that his family was part of the reason for what happened last night.
As soon as he was released from duty for the day he went out into the cold frigid air of Coerthas. The air burned his lungs as he took a long walk. He needed to clear his head and his heart.

He would be fine. He knew he would be. He just needed a few days to process all that had happened. He would maintain a friendship with Miu. A ghost of a smile crossing his lips at the thought of her. He’d allow himself a few days to mourn what could have been. Then life would have to continue. He had a job to do. A life to live. A cousin to protect. An a High House to serve. Life would move on as it always did. He would not hide himself away forever. Just a few days. He just needed a few days.

Eleven Questions (2)

1. If your character was allowed to murder one person without any consequences, who would that person be and why?

“Whatever Garlean bastard decided on that fight that took my father’s life. He’s the one person I will never forgive. If I wanted to stain my hands with further blood it would be his.” - Destiney

“No one. I would not murder anyone. Not even because I hate them. Any who die by my blade it is because they deserved it for trying to attack something I am sworn to protect. In which case it is no longer murder.” - Lance

2. If your character had one thing to say to their parents before they died, what would it be?

“I love you and I’m so sorry.” - Destiney (OOC: Mostly in answer to the fact she did lose her father an the last time she saw him she never said good-bye and was angry with her parents.)

“I know you have never really approved of my choices but I do not regret them. I’m sorry that we could never come to an understanding an fix what was lost between us.” - Lance

3. Does your character get restless when things are too quiet or do they favour solitude and silence? Why?

“I favor solitude and silence most of the time. I’m not a fan of crowded places. Though I do also enjoy the noise of the Order. They are lively but they are family.” - Destiney

“The silence makes me restless. It usually comes before an attack. But… Noise can also make it hard to hear what is coming. So it is a bit of a mixed feeling. If I am somewhere safe then the silence can be a bit of a bother.” - Lance

4. Your character has been granted 3 wishes; what would they wish for and why?

“My family to be whole again for certain. The death of my father broke our family apart I feel. Leon to not have passed on so soon. I did not have enough time to appreciate everything he had to offer to me. And I would wish I was a better person. That I didn’t have these moments of such dark thoughts or anger that I hurt those I love with words that are not always meant.” - Destiney

“I would wish my family was not so stuck in ways long past. I want them to realize how foolish it is. I wish I could have saved Lord Choldebaimt at the Steel Vigil. He was a great man and did not deserve the fate he ended up with. An for Miu to be happy no matter what happens. My life will always have an element of danger to it. I don’t want to see her lose that smile if something happens to me.” - Lance

5. How does your character tell someone they love them without words?

“Hugs. They are the best way to say this without words. Without making someone believe I want more from them then their precious presence in my life.” - Destiney

“I find this hard to answer. I guess through my undying loyalty. I have only loved a few ladies in my days. My job has been my love for so long I’m a bit out of touch with the world an acceptable behavior.” - Lance

6. As a child, what did your character think they would be when they grew up?

“I thought I would be like my father. A member of the Gods’ Quiver. However things did not go as planned. Now I’m a healer like my mother. Oh the irony of it.” - Destiney

“I thought I would be a knight like my father and grandfather. I did become just that. However I did not join Dzemael. I chose Haillenarte instead. Not a decision I regret.” - Lance

7. Would your character ever cheat to accomplish something?

“That… Would depend what was at stake. Gambling? Bartering? No. It would have to be life or death to cheat. I don’t find cheating acceptable.” - Destiney

“Never. I am above such behavior.” - Lance

8. What does your character view as their worst personality trait?

“ Neuroticism. My emotions are not always stable. The worst my week is going the more likely I am going to be in very dark places in my emotional state.” - Destiney

“I can be Obsessive. When I find something like the rumors of Lord Chlodebaimt’s spirit… I will not stop till I find out if there is any truth of these rumors.” - Lance

9. What’s something that really repulses them?

“Slimey creatures. Anything slimey in general. Keep it away!” - Destiney

“I refuse to answer…” - Lance (OOC: Actually… I haven’t really picked anything for Lance. XD I probably should.)

10. Which one of the five senses is most important to them?

“Touch. Being able to touch someone an know it is not a dream. That they are real an here.” - Destiney

“Sight. Being able to see. See what might be coming and fight back. Seeing Miu’s smiling face. If I had to live my life in darkness without sight… It would be sad world.” - Lance

11. What was something they struggled with greatly and how did they overcome it?

“I struggled for so long. With the consequences of the things I did when I left Ishgard after five years. I decided my vengeance for what the Garleans had taken from me was worth it. Only to learn how foolish I truly was. I was not ready for the nightmares that haunted me nor the fact I realized later that the people I killed… Should not have been punished for those that had killed my father. They had families and loved ones. I had done to them what had been done to me. I had continued the circle of hate an destruction. I am not sure I will ever truly be over it. But… I have those I love and care about. They support me an keep me strong. With them… I can overcome anything. Maybe even this.” - Destiney

“For days… I would not leave my room. I was so lost. I had been a novice when I joined the troops at Steel Vigil. To be one of those… To survive… The man I admired and wanted to be most like gave his life for us. For us that survived. I was not sure where to turn or what steps to take as I wallowed in my misery. I lost myself for a time. My dreams haunted by the roars of dragons. Eventually I found myself once more. I pledged myself to a purpose. If I was going to idolize Lord Chlodebaimt… Then I could not, would not continue to mope about my room in Ishgard like some sort of child. I was a man an it was time I acted as such. I would do my best to see the family and country he loved so much safe. Help to restore the glory lost when Steel Vigil fell. I would honor that man in my own way.” - Lance

Eleven Questions (1)

1: How did your character meet their best friend?
“I met Chee and Arthur when I first started as a freelance healer working with other adventurers or mercenaries. I think it was in Ul’dah as we all signed up to work with the Immortal Flames. They were a blessing in a world where I felt lost on where to even begin.” - Destiney

“Best friend… I do not have one. Not unless one counts my duty. There are people I speak with but none that I trust deep enough. Though… I guess Lady Miu could be counted as one though what we share I hope is also more then just that.” - Lance

2: What would your character die for?

“The people I love. I wouldn’t give a second thought of sacrificing myself for them. My life isn’t worth the lives of everyone I love and cherish. My husband, my free company, my friends. Everyone of their lives is worth more then mine alone. If I can give back to them the life that was saved so long ago from the brink of death… Then without a doubt my life for theirs.” - Destiney

“My country, my family, Lady Miu. I am a knight an my life is pledged to Ishgard. If they send me to fight and I die then it was my fate. I pray that Halone though would take mercy upon me. I have so much life left to fight with. I am not ready to return to her hallowed halls just yet but if it is what must be done then I will do it willingly.” - Lance

3: What is the cutest thing your character has ever done?

OOC Destiney: Probably being teased endlessly about her obsession with certain types of elezen. She tends to get very shy and blush around them, sometimes stammering or rambling in her embarrassment. Certain people in the FC even go as far as to tease her about butt biting. She hasn’t done such a thing but it often leaves her flustered if there is a cute guy around.

OOC Lance: Oh gawd. His whole relationship with Miu is entirely adorable right now. It makes me happy enough to giggle at this sap. He’s a hopeless romantic. Just watching these two interacting is so damn cute.

4: What is your character’s deepest, darkest secret?

OOC Destiney: I answered something like this in a ask a short while ago. So I’ll try to summarize. She has bad reactions to Garlean bases due to an old incident. An because she is still healing emotionally she has moments of self-destructive tendencies. An she can not fight other people because of her incident. Partly personal choice and partly because she simply can’t make herself do it.

OOC Lance: He won’t willing admit he’s scared for the future. He’s at a very thin edge with his family an the fall honestly scares him. He’d rather face down dragons or heretics then admit how scared he is for what the future holds if his family casts him out.

5: What is the most surprising thing about your character?

OOC Destiney: I had never intended Destiney to be such a emotionally broken mess. I never thought she’d make me cry some days. Quite literally. I wanted her to have a bit of turmoil in her past but it evolved into something a bit darker then originally planned. But for her it works. It just and I can’t explain it. I guess what surprises me most is finding a FC willing to take an deal with her crap an give me such acceptance despite Dest being such an idiot at times. :)

OOC Lance: I had intended Lance to be more… Snobbish and sarcastic. A upper class snob. He turned out completely different then my original vision. He ended up being this loving and caring man with a sort of white knight complex. What surprises me most is just how much he’s changed from my original vision into something so warm and happy. That despite all the darkness that looms over the horizon he still pushes to find the light an goodness. I just want to hug him an try to keep all that darkness from trying to drag him down. He’s almost like a brilliant light of hope.

6: If you could title your character’s life, what would you title it?

OOC Destiney: Darkest Before Dawn. Destiney has moments where she feels so broken and consumed by dark emotions. Yet she always finds a way back out, usually with help from those she loves and cares about. It’s always darkest before the light of dawn chases away the shadows of night. So I found this rather fitting for Destiney.

OOC Lance: Winter’s End. Because he has finally left the cold endless winter of Coerthas. He’s begun to see more of the world beyond those frosted windows. He’s found a woman he likes to refer to as his Summer Sun. At the end of Winter comes Spring, hope for a new beginning. This is Lance’s new beginning. A time where he came finally come into his own.

7: What is their deadly sin?

“Wrath. I can be… fairly vengeful.“ - Destiney

“Pride. I’ve always had a lot of Pride as a knight and as a man. I’m not afraid to admit it.” - Lance

8: What is one question they’ve always wanted an answer to?

“Why was I spared when I wanted to die? I was throwing away my life. I didn’t deserve to be saved.” - Destiney

“Was there something we missed or something we could have done differently to stop the fall of Steel Vigil? It will haunt me till the day I die.” - Lance

9: What would it take to break them, inside and out?

“Being broken once wasn’t enough? … Losing everything I have now. My friends and my family I’ve made. I’ve come so far from that day. If I lost it all now… I don’t think I could find my way out of that darkness again. Leon isn’t here to put me back together again this time.” - Destiney

“… I… Losing Lady Miu or my cousin. Losing my position as a knight for Haillenarte would be devastating yet… If I lost Miu or Destiney I am not sure I would have the strength to walk back into that bleak landscape of Coerthas anymore. How could I keep calling myself a knight knowing I had failed them in some way.” - Lance

10: Where are they ticklish?

“Excuse me?! Keep your hands away from my sides! Unless you wish to be smacked in the head with a book!” - Destiney

“Uh… M-my under arms. I do not want to hurt you. I’d suggest keeping your hands to yourself.” - Lance

11: Would you want to hang out with your character?

OOC: HAHAHA. I hang out with them in my head all the time! :P They’re parts of me. ^^/ I have a small group of characters spending time in the back of my head at all times. Destiney and Lance are always among them now. Welcomed with open arms by the others. Welcome to the insane asylum of my mind.

Thoughts - Lancefer

Lance felt like he was walking on air as he went to his next day of duty in Skyfire Locks. He may not have been able to find his cousin but his day with Miu had been nothing short of perfect.

Finding his cousin still worried his mind though. The few days he had shadowed her before his date had left him troubled. She had seemed so… Disturbed. There just had not been the usual mood about her. She had seemed so detached an almost… Broken. This was not the cousin he had gotten used to spying on. Something was clearly wrong.

He tried to keep his thoughts on Miu as he worked. He had kissed the girl for crying out loud. Even more that she had kissed him back! But slowly his thoughts became troubled with other problems. If his family found out about his affections for the small miqo’te woman… They would surely cast him out. Even if he was no longer heir to the family name he had still been expected to marry well an carry on the family name. This would not be the kind of woman they expected him to end up with.

A frown creased his brow as he looked out over the winter landscape of Coerthas. How was he to keep protecting both ladies? He had to find a way to keep all the truths hidden behind lies to his family.

He had to find his cousin as soon as he could. He was worried for her. He had tried last night to find her with no success. His cousin apparently did not want to be found. Not that he had had much luck finding Raiden either. He still wanted to seek Raiden for training or at least to challenge the man in hopes of strengthening himself. Things around the Order’s house had been so… Subdued feeling. Something had happened. Something bad.

Now he just had to wait for his duty to end for the day. He would try again. Destiney was out there somewhere. Hopefully whatever was going on would pass if he could not. Miu had told him to speak with Destiney. He was done hiding in the shadows.

A heavy sigh as he looked away from the snow. He was worried for his future and the future of his cousin. His future with Miu. But he could not be afraid. He had to keep fighting. No more hiding in shadows. It was time to be open and honest. It was time to confront the monster head on.

A small smile as he thought again on that day with Miu by the waterfall. Together with her. She was his strength right now. He would get through anything and everything as long as he had her. She was his summer sun in the never ending winter of his life.

Just like a rose. Together they had something beautiful but he was the thorns protecting the beauty an joy that was Miu, the rose.

Journal Entry 31 - Destiney

Am I really so fragile? Am I truly like broken glass? I overheard Dusk’s words as I lingered near the stairs after changing my clothes to head to the Shroud in hopes of finding Basteaux. I wanted to run upstairs an claim I was not glass! But… Maybe I am…

I must be so broken an be the only one who can not see it. How could I feel nothing about ten dead children! Ten! I felt numb and empty. Yet… I was so near to being sick watching the rest of the Order kill the bandits responsible. I spent the better part of two days wandering about wondering why I felt so little. Was I really so broken I could feel so little about dead children? That I could find no rage. That I could find no killing calm towards those responsible. Had I shattered myself so badly that day outside Occidens that I could no longer find that rage an anger for such a tragedy?

I thought I was going to be okay. I thought I could be strong an help those who needed it. I thought I could repay the kindness I have received ever since joining the Order. I told Rhisi I was fine. That I could find no rage like everyone else could. She hoped I would never find it again. I thought I was fine. But time only made me doubt myself.

I found Leera outside the house a few days ago. I was cautious at first as I usually am. I know what the others think of him. I know I can never fully trust him. But… He seemed like he was actually sorry about the whole incident. I found myself drawn towards him like a moth to a flame.

When Felix showed… I said words I should never had said. I felt as if a slap to my face would have been less painful or even a sword to the gut… He thought… I was stupid for wanting to be around Leera. Even though he was the one who first left me alone with him! Even though he never once thought to ask if I was okay after finding out the truth about Leera in person! He claims Leera is a monster an only wants to kill certain members of the Order… Yet… I see more to the man then that. I can see some shred of good in him. I want to believe that maybe there is a chance he can be something more.

Dusk had happened by during our exchange of words. She called my behavior childish… Maybe… I think I had a right to my feelings. I felt so raw and hurt. I felt so… Alone. I wanted to curl into a ball an wish the world away. I threw words at her. I told her how I felt. Blamed things on those that made me feel as if… as if… I was not a person. I blamed Oni and his treating Daisy and I as snacks. I blamed Aimee an her lack of making sure I knew my job as a healer for the Order. I blamed Felix for thinking less of me. I blamed everyone but my weak self at the time…

As she left I noticed Leera had left a linkpearl near me when he had left. I grabbed it an held it tight. I felt… Defiant. Hurt and defiant. I wanted to prove them wrong. Prove to them that maybe there was a shred of humanity inside the man they thought of as a monster. That even as fragile as I can be in their eyes… I can still be strong in different ways. Continue to reforge the broken parts of myself as I had been. I had been doing so well…

It was after that exchange that I had gone out with my bow. I was still feeling so raw an hurt. I figured a few drinks with Basteaux an forgetting the world was in order. Instead all I found was more pain. This time physical. I was forced to flee from some bandits as I was lacking care as I traveled through the woods. Somewhere along the line I had fallen. Tried to stop my fall with my bow hand. I know the wrist is sprained. And… I do not care. I welcomed the pain. Once I was safe I took the time to wrap my wrist and hand. Not well since I was doing it with only one hand.

I’m still so… Mixed. So hurt an sad. I don’t want to bother Rhisi. I don’t want to bother anyone. I just… I’m not sure what I want. I have avoided the hall since that night. I’ve avoided all contact with the rest of the Order. I’m… not sure… What I am going to do come tomorrow… I should be there for the mission… But… I just do not know… Twelve help me… Maybe I should use that linkpearl Leera left me… Is this a mistake? Should I have not picked it up at all? Maybe I should just let myself believe what they say about him instead… Is it really wrong of me to want to think that maybe Leera might change for the better with the right influences? I won’t know without trying… It could mean my death… It could mean more pain… I should be afraid… But I’m not…

Beginnings - Lancefer

Lance swung his sword hard, connecting to his sparring partner’s shield with a loud clang. Next thing his partner knew, was starring up at the snowy sky above as Lance swept the man’s feet.

“Get up. You can’t tell me you’re done already.” Lance scoffed as he rolled his shoulders about to try an keep the muscles loose.

“Aurifore! Go for a run!” His superior ordered. “Burn off that energy before you come back.”

“Yes sir.” Lance answered back with a salute before sheathing his sword at his side. He would be the first to admit he was restless. Very restless. And edgy. But he had reasons. Reasons he was not willing to explain to his fellow knights.

The last few days had been a whirlwind. Both good and bad. A smile drifted across his lips as he thought of Miu. How long had it been since he had last looked at a woman like he did her? She was sweet an smart. He enjoyed being in her presence. It made him feel warm. Made him feel less alone. Less concerned that his every waking moment was for nothing but duty or protecting his family. Not that he was not concerned about his duty or family. That was far from the truth. He just now had more in his life. A blue haired Miqo’te who made him want to be better. Made him want to try harder. A promise from her to show him more of Eorzea.

If anything he now had more desire to find Tempete again. No not Tempete. The man had left that name behind. He was still confused on the relationship of Oni and Raiden. But he still wished to let Raiden train him. He wanted to be stronger. Needed to be. Especially if last night was any indication of what lay ahead. Regardless if the man was once a Dragoon for Durendaire. He needed Raiden. The other knights he served with… They just weren’t enough. They weren’t serious enough. They weren’t skilled enough. They lacked Raiden’s poweress.

“Lord Chlodebaimt…” Lance whispered the name once before starting off jogging towards Camp Dragonhead. He would jog there before heading back south towards the Observatorium.

Miu and her friend Cio had offered to help him sort through that dreaded place people were calling the ‘Palace of the Dead’ in the South Shroud. But he still felt bad allowing the ladies to accompany him. But… He knew he could not do it alone. Yesterday had been proof enough. The traps… The numerous enemies that never seemed to end. The number of exploding traps he had managed to trip… Plus being transformed into a frog a few times… If it had not been for Miu and Cio he probably would have joined the rumored spirits that wandered that place.

But… He had to know. Had to find out if Chlodebaimt’s spirit truly wandered those haunted halls. If… If he did indeed… Then Lance knew he had to find a way to free the man’s spirit. Help him find peace. He owed Chlodebaimt that much. If it had not been for that man’s sacrifice at Steel Vigil… Lance knew he might not still be alive today. Might not have survived the fall of the Vigil as the enemy razed the place with fire and claws. The sound of wings still bothered him to this day. Still put him on edge. But it would not stop him from repaying the debt the son of House Haillenarte made in giving his life so others might live.

He also had to worry about the safety of Miu and Cio. He would not allow harm to come to them for aiding him in this venture to discover if rumors were true or not. He needed to be stronger to protect Miu. She was… An important light in his life right now. He would do his best or die trying to keep her safe. He had promised her. His sword and shield were hers.

“On my… honor… as a knight… of House… Haillenarte…” The words between each puff of breath as he jogged the path. His promise an vow. The words that drove him forward.

Journal Entry 30 - Destiney

The mission at the end of the week took us down in the Sunken Temple of Qarn. We hoped to find whatever it was that the enemy was after. As well as come up with a way to undo whatever meddling he had done. The aether around the temple felt… Disturbed. Obviously our enemy had a hand in whatever was wrong.

I was assigned to a team with Kagato, Chloe, and Dusk. Together we took one path. The other two teams split off from us to check other areas. Kagato was treasure happy. Why am I not surprised when he is a pirate. The whole mentality of ‘it it can be taken, take it’.

Things went fairly smoothly for us for the most part. Until the room with the large stone golem. The fight got a bit rough. At one point even though it seemed like Kagato had it’s attention, it turned around to smack me. I was totally off guard, focusing on keeping everyone standing an save from major injuries. Thankfully the damage I took was not life threatening. The arm it had hit though was not in the best of shape. I’m pretty sure something was fractured for the amount of pain I was in. I allowed Daisy to tend to my arm as the battle ended. However I stopped her from doing more then healing the fracture. We didn’t have time nor did I want to waste the effort on healing minor injuries.

We pressed in deeper into the temple. I managed to get knocked around again by a Croc. Thankfully it only bruised my back but nothing worse. In the end we arrived at a giant room with the other two teams. There was our masked foe. He tried to steal a jewel from the large statue in the room. However this seemed to wake the damn thing. He fled an left us to deal with it. We defeated the living statue but the gem the enemy was after crumbled to dust along with the rest of the statue. So whatever he wanted to us it for we would not find out. The gem was gone. As was our masked foe.

We returned to the house to deal with injuries. I went off to the medical ward to see what I could do while Aimee was tending to Oni’s injuries. Both Nate and Tara came in to be treated. Rhisi left me to tend to Nate’s broken ribs while she went to see what she could do for Tara’s concussion. I sent Daisy over to help Rhisi while I wrapped Nate’s ribs since he said aetherical healing wouldn’t work on him. An it was better then Daisy fussing over my arm.

I had taken my coat off so that the sleeves wouldn’t be in the way. I could already see how badly my arm was going to look the next day. I wanted to ask Nate why I couldn’t use magic to heal him but I decided he would tell me in time. He did not seem ready to talk about it.

Rhisi came over to check on me as Nate excused himself for the night. Tara had already left an Daisy was back at my side. Daisy was waving her arms in annoyance at the fact I wouldn’t let her finish what she had started earlier. I was too tired to care. Rhisi seemed worried but I promised her it was just bruises. Which was not a lie. I just didn’t mention how tired and sore I felt.

I was late to the All Saints’s Wake party at the house. I had gotten caught up in work as well as I had to modify my outfit. An let Daisy at least heal the bruises on my back. My outfit was a bit too revealing to be walking about sporting so many bruises. I had added sleeves to the outfit to hide the way my left arm looked. Of course Daisy fussed again. I felt a little bad at just blowing it off but I was already late.

The party was quite fun. I teased J’siris a bit. Flirted a bit with Raiden before warning him to stay out of my room. Talked some with a friend of J’siris and Kagato. I figured if I was going to go dressed as a succubus, why not be a little bit wicked. It was for one night anyways. So I acted the part an tried not to be as embarrassed as I would have been normally to be in such an outfit.

I ran into Leera at the end of week gathering at Bronze Lake. We talked for a few before I reminded him I had invited him before. Back before I had learned the truth about him. I don’t hate him. I sort of miss the easy interactions I had with him before that night in the South Shroud. Like that night at the house with Capucine. I wanted to talk to him more then too. Something about Leera… I’m not sure what it is… So I tried to talk to Felix an ask him to just try an ignore Leera’s presence… Yeah that went wonderfully. Felix left in a huff.

Nate was talking to Rhisi when I turned around. I heard her mentioning to Nate he should check with his healer about being in the water. I think he was a bit surprised to find me standing to his right when I spoke up with my opinion. So I joined Nate in the water. We could both use a good soak in the hot springs. When we both started to get tired we returned to the house so that I could change his bandages for dry ones.

I went out to the South Shroud for work the next day. I ended up missing dinner. But it was well worth it. I think I made a new friend.

I was over towards the entrance of the Keep. I had offered my services to a friend of my father’s in the Gods’ Quiver. I came across a man. A Duskwight. At first I thought he might be a bandit. He mistook me for a Gods’ Quiver because I was wearing my half mask I tend to use when I patrol in the Shroud.

It was when he drew closer that I thought I was seeing a ghost. I felt my chest tighten. My head felt light. I was afraid I might pass out. Leon… I thought I was seeing him. I know he’s dead but… I should know better. Should know it couldn’t be him.

I think I worried Basteaux a little with my reaction at first sight of him up close. So I told him of Leon. An how they looked similar from first glance. But really looking at Basteaux I realized they are not the same. The skin tone was wrong as was the scars on the face. He was missing that golden tattoo on his face. They both have blonde hair and green eyes though the shades are not the same either. No wonder I mistook him for Leon. They even wore their hair in about the same way.

I talked for a bit with Basteaux until I had to leave. I asked him if I could meet him again. Maybe over drinks at Busacroon’s. He agreed. I’m interested in talking to him. He patrols the South Shroud dealing with bandits on his own because he feels the Wailers and Quiver don’t do a good enough job. I hope I can meet him again.

Two days later I was sitting outside the house reading. Daisy was hovering over my shoulder. Maybe reading. I’m not sure if she knows how. Nate stopped by the house. It was once he was talking that I realized that Oni was sitting on the wall nearby. Being a creeper. I have no idea how long he had been sitting there. Watching. Waiting.

The three of us talked for a bit. Oni was mentioning something about smelling a certain type of aether. Daisy was busy amusing herself. She had first gone over to Nate an waved to him, examining him before I reminded her we couldn’t heal his ribs. So Daisy then began wandering over towards Oni. I was talking to Nate so I wasn’t fully paying attention to Daisy. Oni had held his hand out to her and she sat down on it. She thought she was safe. Should have been safe… If Oni wasn’t hungry…

Before I knew it Oni was trying to eat Daisy… I smacked him over the head with the book I had been reading when he didn’t spit her out when I demanded him to. I might have smacked him a bit harder then intended but I was panicking about Daisy. He did spit her out. Strings of blue saliva dripping from her as she sat upon the ground. Daisy was totally not happy. I scolded Oni, reminding him that I had no idea the effects if he ate Daisy. I had no idea if I would be able to resummon her again or if the bond would be broken. So instead I concentrated an made a ball of aether for him to snack on. I’m sure it wasn’t enough but it would have to do. Of course then there was talk of him licking Nate.

Some days I worry about Oni. Other days he seems so normal.

Well I need to get some work done before tonight’s mission.