Marching On

Lance wasn’t sure what he had expected by going back to Hyrstmill last evening. A part of him had been feeling… Lonely. Lost even. Wanting to remember life back before it had become so damned complicated.

To remember the first person he had gotten close to after leaving Ishgardian territory for the first time. A friendly smiling face that he missed so much.

Lady Miu… A part of him longed to know how she was doing. How she fared in the time since they had parted ways. Her heart not ready for a relationship with him. She had let him down gently. Always a sweet woman even on the day she broke his heart.

However his visit to Hyrstmill ended up being… Odd to say the least. He was still trying to process everything that happened last night.

He had run into Miu again. After so long apart. Except… Miu had apparently had quite the story in the time they had not spoken. Miu was no longer a woman. He was honestly shocked at first. Yet… She was still Miu even if she now had a male body instead. All due to a misadventure.

Lance ran a hand over his face before looking towards the great sword sitting by his desk in his new apartment. Maybe what he needed was to try again to learn. Move on to other training. He could feel the pulling allure of that stone he had found down there. Had found it even after someone had tried to hide it from him. Most likely Tara. He had been on a rather self destructive streak when she had found him.

Still no sign of Tara. Or even Alexois. Yet now he had Miu back. Even if she was different now. It was still going to take him time to get used to. He still found himself referring to her as a woman. Not to mention he refused to tell her just how much he had missed her. Miu had more then enough problems on her own plate. He refused to add to them. No way in seven hells would he admit to Miu that he still had lingering feelings despite their time apart. Despite the changes. Miu was still Miu inside. His feelings would remain his own personal secret.

Lance plopped down in one of the armchairs in his apartment with a heavy sigh. He had options but right now all of them seemed… Dangerous. He was trying to be good for Tara’s sake. But… His cousin was going off on a wild adventure. His family… Well technically he was still disowned. Yet he worried for his little brother who was now head of the family. He felt almost unneeded. Lost. All he truly had was his work at Skyfire watching over the young Lord Francel.

His eyes wandered around the apartment. It was warm and inviting. Yet so very lonely. Even Soren was too busy for him to catch and return the key to the other man’s apartment. He owed the man for giving him a place to stay after the whole fiasco with his family. Still wished to find out what had happened that night in Ishgard. Destiney had only given him vague answers.

Finally he stood and walked over to his desk. Hand wrapping around the hilt of that sword. The other hand swiping the stone from the desktop. Sitting idle wasn’t doing him any good. He needed to work. Needed to move. Anything but sitting there feeling sorry for himself. Remembering…

Ghosts of the Past

(More writing for the bad kid, Alex. Standard warnings apply. Blood, language, and violence. Read at your own risk.)

The Rage Inside

((Consider this your warning if you read this post. Will contain blood and some pretty dark stuff. A bit of torture and abuse. Alex is not meant to be a nice guy. So please read at your own risk. This is what took place between him leaving Aeri’s apartment Sunday afternoon and when he met her for drinks last night. Just from the screenshots I show doesn’t do justice just how cruel he can be as a bad character. I felt it time to give writing the darker side of him a shot.))

Journal Entry 35 - Destiney

The last many days… I’ve been bounced between so many varying shades of emotion. Pain, emptiness, sadness, anger… Fear. Love. Hope.

Our last mission was going well enough. Though the cards predicted it would be a rough night. A night we could pull through together. We did. But… There were some very rocky bumps in the road this night. The worst part was whatever that device was that threw us all into memories. Memories meant to cut an bleed us dry. 

It felt like being back in that very moment. The memory was literally that vivid. I could actually feel the pain all over again. I was forced to replay that moment once more. As if the nightmares had never been enough. To relive the moment before I nearly died. To be brought back to that brink… To see those sneering Imperial faces hovering over me once more… Even as Konner set us free I found myself stuck hovering at the edges of that pain. 

Dusk’s voice was the first thing I heard. I heard her calling out to me. Bringing me back from that trauma of the past. I forced myself to stand once more. To put one foot in front of the other again. However I was hesitant enough in moving that I believe I worried Quarcy. His concerned hand on my shoulder was enough to finish dispelling the hold that memory gripped me in. I was able to keep going forward with the mission. Though I took the time to slip on my half-mask, relishing in the comfortable feeling of it upon my face. Hiding behind that mask. 

I returned to the house after the mission with the intent to help at the ward with any injuries. However I found myself a patient instead. I should not have worn the jacket into the heat of Thanalan despite the extra protection it offered. Rhisi forced me to lie down an rest before I fell over from the heat exhaustion that was winning out. I only remained long enough to regain some of my strength. My mind was too restless with what happened. I returned to my own room instead.

I spent the next few days at my house, turning away even my cousin. I wanted to be alone. I didn’t want company. Though after a day I found myself back at the Order’s house. Dusk was sitting near the fireplace with tea. Tea sounded really good right then. She offered some to me as well as her ear to listen to what troubled my heart.

I explained it all to her. The events of that day outside of Castrum Occidens. My desire to kill and be killed. Only for my life to be spared in the end. Saved by my Uncle and his companions. Leon… I admitted to how broken I was afterwards. Not understanding why I was still alive back then. Her words though helped to soothe some of the pain that plagued my heart the last few days. Dusk and I might not always see eye to eye… But right then I was grateful for her warm presence.

Life returned to relatively normal for about a day. Apparently though at dinner I found I had missed something important. There was so much tension. Rhisi pulled Nate and myself aside. We were told about an incident in the Order’s past before either of us had joined. An incident involving Oni and the siblings. An Castrum Occidens…

I was warned about Leera being invited into the house. Damn it… I couldn’t sit there an argue with Rhisi though. I left things at that. Choosing to say very little.
I found Nate in the garden the next day. I had intended to head to Wineport. Alone if needed. This was my problem. I couldn’t take the chance that the Order could end up in another situation like that again. If I was forced into Occidens right now… I would be useless… Unable to function… A liability.

Nate however offered to help me. I wanted to refuse. Didn’t want him to watch. Didn’t want to show him just how truly broken I am… Yet… I allowed him to come with me. To be my anchor. To force me home again if I found myself unable to keep going. Because I trust Nate.

I forced myself to go as close to that Castrum as I could. Tried so hard to push further. Yet my legs gave out on me. My body turned traitor to the memories of that day. All I could do was sit there on the ground an tremble like a leaf. Damn it all… Nate’s presence and voice were all I could grasp. I wanted to do better. Yet I had failed… I allowed Nate to sweep me back off to the house.

I will try again. As many times as needed. Until I can overcome whatever part of me I broke that day. I will become stronger. I will not be a liability. Nate offered to continue helping me with this problem. Sweet gentle Nate… 

I have not gone back again yet. I have gotten too caught up in the preparations for Starlight. I did though manage to run into Leera in Gridania while running errands for my mother. 

Leera looked bad. Well physically he did. I asked him about the attack on Lance. He insisted he couldn’t remember. He seemed honest enough in his answer. He also seemed to be far more emotional then usual. I tried to convince him ‘Father’ is just using him. It didn’t work. I tried to change tactics. Tried to sympathize. I do want to help him. Be his friend. Yet for all his praise towards that man… I still feel he would be better off without that man in his life. Forcing him to nearly freeze to death… Driving Leera to the brink of madness if my cousin’s words were to be trusted. I’m not sure I made any progress. Though I feel I understand a bit more. As well as a bit of the way Leera thinks. I did get him to allow me to heal the physical damage though before I left. I think I may have caught him just a bit off guard with calling him my friend though. Yet his words of warning me not to get in trouble for his sake were touching.

Anyways… I better get finished with those Starlight decorations.

A Moment in Time - Destiney and Leonceault

Leon had picked a comfortable spot to sit in the sun warmed grasses. His harp in one hand as he patted the ground beside him with the other. Motioning for her to join him. A warm smile lighting that beautifully tanned face of his. Making the faint gold of that tattoo stand out.

Destiney took a seat beside him. Enjoying the feeling of the sun warming her face as she leaned into him. Her blue eyes watching that harp in his hand. His intentions to teach her to learn to play. Another distraction for her troubled soul. Insisting music could soothe the heart.

His music did soothe her. His very presence beside her soothed her. He had been her rock from the very day she had awoken broken. Helping her to put the pieces of herself back together. Every day she found herself falling further towards him. Enjoying the hope she found in him.

His fingers plucked gently at first. Chords drifting over the warm afternoon air around them. Fingers pausing to accent certain notes over others. The music light and filled with heart. His heart. The way his motions could bring such comforting music from that small handheld harp. She wanted to do nothing more then close her eyes an relax.

Her eyes had only been closed a moment before she heard his melodic laughter softly ring out over the music. His hands paused before setting the harp down to the side gently. Destiney let out a surprised squeak as he pulled her into his lap. Once she was comfortably situated he picked up the harp once more, wrapping his arms around her so the harp was before her. He waited till she took a hold of the harp before his hands found their way to hers. His fingers resting over hers. Showing her the way to bring the same music from the harp as he had. Her attempts no where as beautiful as his.

However the warmth and joy was still the same. She found herself smiling despite everything else. Even as Moon Dove and Ricard watched from a distance. Letting the two of them enjoy this brief moment alone. Happy.