Tonight has been very… Interesting to say the least. It is also a
night of change for me. For sometime I had debated taking a new path an
leaving the free company. It was a long an hard decision as I know I
will miss a few of the people there. But I decided it was time to walk
away. I have no hard feelings towards anyone in SoyMilk. I just feel I
need to do this. To find my own path. They have been my allies an
friends for a long time. An I know if I find my way back to them then it
was meant to be. But for now I am walking away. I began my packing
before I left for the weekly gathering. However I was not decided before
this on where I might go. Just that I felt it was time to move on.
Tonight
the gathering was being held at the beach in the Mist. My mind was in a
variety of places tonight. So I did not get to interact as nearly as
much as I wanted to. However that did not mean I did nothing at all. I
did get to talk to some of those attending. So the night was not a total
loss. Lady was with me as well this time. I didn’t want to risk my ears
at leaving her behind again.
As
usual I met a few new faces an got to talk with some I met the previous
weeks. Cecily and Lady had a converstation briefly at the start of the
evening. Unfortunately I don’t speak the language of dragons yet. I do
have a desire to attempt to learn. Mostly to be able to talk with the
little winged brat who thinks nipping an beating me with her wings are
good communication…
I did happen to
have a chance meeting with Chee’s brother for the first time. I kind of
thought she would introduce us first rather then running into him. He
got lost trying to find the Goblet. He joined the gathering since I
offered to show him to his sister’s house afterwards. He’s sort of a
adorable. I hope he spends some time around the Goblet. I want to Chee
to feel better an get back to being the girl I know an cherish. Damn
certain boys an their upsetting my friends… He better hope he doesn’t
cross my path. Though I think a book to the head might be TOO kind.
Raiden was there tonight. An I thought I might faint when he stripped
down, even if he mentioned it was a glamour. Twelve have mercy…
Aimee introduced me to Frost though sadly I was not able to talk to him
long before my mind drifted off to other matters. It was nothing against
him. I guess my choice to leave SoyMilk an where I might go was… A bit
distracting to me this evening. I do hope I get to meet him again. Maybe
this time I will be able to focus more on tall, dark, an handsome getting to know him. Curse my weakness. Sometimes I wonder what Dekkarra seen in me… So he was gone before I even got to say good night.
I
spent the rest of the evening talking with Aimee and Raiden. Even a
little bit with another friend of theirs, Farrson. Somehow the
conversation lead into talk about poor Oni and making it sound like he
was some sort of dog. He wasn’t even there to defend himself. At least
Aimee had his back. An there was talk of him eating a skirt. An a boot I
do believe. The whole conversation was quite funny an relaxing. Then
somehow it got back to the conversation of clothing after leaving Oni
alone. Somehow it was on the talk of Raiden trying to match my clothing.
I… was very flustered to say the least. I can’t even recall the exact
words I was so flustered. I think I was probably a very nice shade of
crimson to say the least. I’m not even sure I was able to process much
at that point. Not that it scared me away. I was just so surprised an…
unsure of how to respond. It was quite the change of pace.
I
said my goodbyes at the end of the evening. I had more packing to
finish before I could depart as well as a farewell to anyone present at
the time of my departure. However after tonight I think I might know
where I want my path to take me. Assuming I would be accepted of course.
I was not ready to admit it so openly to them yet upon leaving when it
was merely a ghost of a chance. It has been so long since I’ve felt so… I
do no even know how I want to describe it. Maybe I have been too
sheltered those five years in Ishgard. Now I just have to speak with
Konner about possibly seeing if I would be welcome among the Order. A
part of me wonders if maybe this was the feeling I was missing. A free
company of people who made things feel so much warmer an alive. A
company of people who are more then just seeing each other in passing,
making people feel welcomed an comfortable.
Anyways the packing has left me tired. I think it is time to call it a night. Good night.
So it’s been a week since I started this journal. An it’s my
second entry. Of course it has been a really rough week. I only threw my
book at probably a couple people’s heads though. But I do not feel like
writing about THAT.
So I decided to
attend another get together being hosted by S&R Order. Tonight they
picked Bronze Lake. They could not have picked a better place with the
way my week went. Hot springs water to soothe aches an more.
I
managed to leave Lady at home this week, not that she was happy in the
least. I am pretty sure she was trying to nip my ear off in protest. So I
left her at the house with Tucker. Though I had new company tonight
instead. Gatoli and his childhood friend, Maple, decided to accompany
me. Chee was… Occupied.
I seen some
familiar faces and met some new ones. Aimee and Rhisi were present.
Konner, Adlynn, and Raiden were not. Which it was slightly disappointing
not to see Raiden present. I really was hoping to get to talk more with
him. An Aimee of course. I can’t help my weakness of being drawn to elezen dragoons...
I
did get to meet new people again tonight. Felix was offering drinks an
he was a very pleasant person. Maybe I’ll try chatting with him some
more next time. I also met Grissom an his soon to be bond mate, Lucerna I
believe was her name. They invited me to the wedding in a few days
time. An there was also a rather amusing Miqo lady named Cecily with her
wind-up Tataru. I also got to briefly meet Oni who was Amiee’s
companion this evening. He was rather handsome for a Hyur.
I
hadn’t wanted to interrupt what looked like a good evening between
Aimee and Oni. So maybe another night I will get to talk more with them.
Rhisi hosted a wonderful evening. I feel much better after a relaxing
night at Bronze Lake getting to make new friends. One of these days
though I will manage to make it to one of these events without company.
Not saying I don’t want to be around my friends. I just need to be able
to do things without relying on them all the time. Well social things
that is. I wouldn’t want just anyone at my back on the battlefield.
Anyways
I do believe I should be getting to bed. I have some things to do
around the house tomorrow. Well not cleaning. Gatoli does a good job at
living up to his end of our bargain for his living with us. I need to be
preparing my garden. Running low on food for the chocobos again. Good
night.
I’m not sure why I decided to keep a journal all of a sudden. In all my years alive on Eorzea I’ve never had a desire before to write down the trivialities of my life.
Okay maybe not everything in my life is so trivial. I guess I just feel
a bit awkward writing down my life in a book of blank pages. Which is
strangely odd for someone who considers herself a scholar.
Anyways…
I guess I should get to the point rather then continuing to mindlessly
rant on. Before I get well an far from the point of this first entry. An
before the night ends with me asleep against these pages. Though I’m
sure Lady or Tucker would wake me come morning to be fed.
I’ve
never been the most social of people. Not since that day. I guess in a
way a withdrew into myself an my books. My Aunt never required I go out
an make friends while I lived in Ishgard for those five years. So when I
finally did leave I had only Dekkarra to rely upon until I met Chee an
the others.
So I’ve taken to
following or asking Chee to go places with me lately. A couple of
taverns mostly. But even then I end up sticking mostly to Chee an not
making much of an effort to make any new friends. I just feel too
awkward or nervous to go to most of these places without at least
someone I know. How is it I can stand up to foes on the field of battle
or fight with people I barely know… Yet I can’t muster the courage to
enter a tavern without a crutch of some sort…
So
Chee and I went out to Forgotten Springs. She apparently knew some
people hosting a small get together out there near the camp. Well since
Chee was going I decided I could manage to go. Lady of course nipped at
me until I agreed to allow her to tag along with me as well. Most of the
gathering was made up of members from a free company called Sword &
Rose Order.
We found ourselves a seat in
the shade of the dock there among the other people attending. At first I
figured it was going to be just another night where I only really
interacted with Chee as usual. It was actually far from the truth. Two
people, a lovely hyuran midlander lady an a dark skinned elezen, sitting
nearby were actually gazing my way. Mostly because of Lady who was
flying around my head or perching on my shoulder, wherever she decided
she wanted to be at that moment. Fickle dragonet. I wasn’t meaning to
eavesdrop on what was being said but apparently Lady was their topic of
discussion.
So instead of actually
talking much with Chee, she was actually talking with a lady au ra we
had met at one of the taverns, I spent most of my evening talking with
these two. I felt actually very comfortable talking with these two. They
were incredibly nice even if Raiden didn’t fully trust Lady. I can’t
say I blame someone who has grown up in the dangers of Ishgard. Aimee
however grew up in Gridania like I did before the calamity. Raiden even
offered to make a cake sometime. Ugh. Why must I have such a sweet
tooth…
An then there was a pretty
midlander lady named Adlynn who was passing out flowers. I put them in
the vase on the dining table. Much prettier then the black flowers I had
there before. I though the yellow an black to represent the Flames was
nice at first but black flowers… Felt so much like death…
Anyways…
I think I might just have to stop by the Order’s house to visit
sometime. If all the members of this place are this nice… Maybe it could
be a good step towards being at least a bit more social an a little
less… isolated. Now I’m in no way saying my Outsider friends don’t spend
time with me or aren’t there when I need them. Quite far from the
truth. They are the best kind of friends a girl like myself could ask
for. I guess I just want a change of pace. Something new an different.
All the expeditions… I guess I’m just worn out.
I
look forward to my next crossing of paths with Raiden or Aimee. Or even
anyone else of the S&R Order’s members. Right now I’m get myself
some rest. After I change out of this summer outfit. Heh. Good night.
