Journal Entry 35 - Destiney

The last many days… I’ve been bounced between so many varying shades of emotion. Pain, emptiness, sadness, anger… Fear. Love. Hope.

Our last mission was going well enough. Though the cards predicted it would be a rough night. A night we could pull through together. We did. But… There were some very rocky bumps in the road this night. The worst part was whatever that device was that threw us all into memories. Memories meant to cut an bleed us dry. 

It felt like being back in that very moment. The memory was literally that vivid. I could actually feel the pain all over again. I was forced to replay that moment once more. As if the nightmares had never been enough. To relive the moment before I nearly died. To be brought back to that brink… To see those sneering Imperial faces hovering over me once more… Even as Konner set us free I found myself stuck hovering at the edges of that pain. 

Dusk’s voice was the first thing I heard. I heard her calling out to me. Bringing me back from that trauma of the past. I forced myself to stand once more. To put one foot in front of the other again. However I was hesitant enough in moving that I believe I worried Quarcy. His concerned hand on my shoulder was enough to finish dispelling the hold that memory gripped me in. I was able to keep going forward with the mission. Though I took the time to slip on my half-mask, relishing in the comfortable feeling of it upon my face. Hiding behind that mask. 

I returned to the house after the mission with the intent to help at the ward with any injuries. However I found myself a patient instead. I should not have worn the jacket into the heat of Thanalan despite the extra protection it offered. Rhisi forced me to lie down an rest before I fell over from the heat exhaustion that was winning out. I only remained long enough to regain some of my strength. My mind was too restless with what happened. I returned to my own room instead.

I spent the next few days at my house, turning away even my cousin. I wanted to be alone. I didn’t want company. Though after a day I found myself back at the Order’s house. Dusk was sitting near the fireplace with tea. Tea sounded really good right then. She offered some to me as well as her ear to listen to what troubled my heart.

I explained it all to her. The events of that day outside of Castrum Occidens. My desire to kill and be killed. Only for my life to be spared in the end. Saved by my Uncle and his companions. Leon… I admitted to how broken I was afterwards. Not understanding why I was still alive back then. Her words though helped to soothe some of the pain that plagued my heart the last few days. Dusk and I might not always see eye to eye… But right then I was grateful for her warm presence.

Life returned to relatively normal for about a day. Apparently though at dinner I found I had missed something important. There was so much tension. Rhisi pulled Nate and myself aside. We were told about an incident in the Order’s past before either of us had joined. An incident involving Oni and the siblings. An Castrum Occidens…

I was warned about Leera being invited into the house. Damn it… I couldn’t sit there an argue with Rhisi though. I left things at that. Choosing to say very little.
I found Nate in the garden the next day. I had intended to head to Wineport. Alone if needed. This was my problem. I couldn’t take the chance that the Order could end up in another situation like that again. If I was forced into Occidens right now… I would be useless… Unable to function… A liability.

Nate however offered to help me. I wanted to refuse. Didn’t want him to watch. Didn’t want to show him just how truly broken I am… Yet… I allowed him to come with me. To be my anchor. To force me home again if I found myself unable to keep going. Because I trust Nate.

I forced myself to go as close to that Castrum as I could. Tried so hard to push further. Yet my legs gave out on me. My body turned traitor to the memories of that day. All I could do was sit there on the ground an tremble like a leaf. Damn it all… Nate’s presence and voice were all I could grasp. I wanted to do better. Yet I had failed… I allowed Nate to sweep me back off to the house.

I will try again. As many times as needed. Until I can overcome whatever part of me I broke that day. I will become stronger. I will not be a liability. Nate offered to continue helping me with this problem. Sweet gentle Nate… 

I have not gone back again yet. I have gotten too caught up in the preparations for Starlight. I did though manage to run into Leera in Gridania while running errands for my mother. 

Leera looked bad. Well physically he did. I asked him about the attack on Lance. He insisted he couldn’t remember. He seemed honest enough in his answer. He also seemed to be far more emotional then usual. I tried to convince him ‘Father’ is just using him. It didn’t work. I tried to change tactics. Tried to sympathize. I do want to help him. Be his friend. Yet for all his praise towards that man… I still feel he would be better off without that man in his life. Forcing him to nearly freeze to death… Driving Leera to the brink of madness if my cousin’s words were to be trusted. I’m not sure I made any progress. Though I feel I understand a bit more. As well as a bit of the way Leera thinks. I did get him to allow me to heal the physical damage though before I left. I think I may have caught him just a bit off guard with calling him my friend though. Yet his words of warning me not to get in trouble for his sake were touching.

Anyways… I better get finished with those Starlight decorations.

A Moment in Time - Destiney and Leonceault

Leon had picked a comfortable spot to sit in the sun warmed grasses. His harp in one hand as he patted the ground beside him with the other. Motioning for her to join him. A warm smile lighting that beautifully tanned face of his. Making the faint gold of that tattoo stand out.

Destiney took a seat beside him. Enjoying the feeling of the sun warming her face as she leaned into him. Her blue eyes watching that harp in his hand. His intentions to teach her to learn to play. Another distraction for her troubled soul. Insisting music could soothe the heart.

His music did soothe her. His very presence beside her soothed her. He had been her rock from the very day she had awoken broken. Helping her to put the pieces of herself back together. Every day she found herself falling further towards him. Enjoying the hope she found in him.

His fingers plucked gently at first. Chords drifting over the warm afternoon air around them. Fingers pausing to accent certain notes over others. The music light and filled with heart. His heart. The way his motions could bring such comforting music from that small handheld harp. She wanted to do nothing more then close her eyes an relax.

Her eyes had only been closed a moment before she heard his melodic laughter softly ring out over the music. His hands paused before setting the harp down to the side gently. Destiney let out a surprised squeak as he pulled her into his lap. Once she was comfortably situated he picked up the harp once more, wrapping his arms around her so the harp was before her. He waited till she took a hold of the harp before his hands found their way to hers. His fingers resting over hers. Showing her the way to bring the same music from the harp as he had. Her attempts no where as beautiful as his.

However the warmth and joy was still the same. She found herself smiling despite everything else. Even as Moon Dove and Ricard watched from a distance. Letting the two of them enjoy this brief moment alone. Happy.

Betrayal - Lancefer and Alexois

Lancefer an the team of men he had been sent with were on the look out for a group of known heretics. They had reportedly fled this way a few bells ago. There was no way he was going to let these people remain hiding in Haillenarte controlled territory. It would be a further stain to the name if he remained idle or allowed these men to escape.

Caution was necessary as they crept closer towards the cave mouth. The near silent drawing of swords. He looked to each of the men on his team. A slight nod to them as he pushed forward into the darkness that waited to swallow them whole.

He couldn’t have gone more then a few feet when light lit the tunnel as if dawn had flared up around them. Lance’s arm raised to shield his eyes from the sudden amount of bright light. Yet there was a cry of alarm and pain from behind. Had they been surrounded?!

Lance couldn’t see before him because of the blinding light. Taking the chance, he whirled about to find one of his team in a pool of his own blood. A wicked grin on the face of another knight, sword dripping with the blood of his fallen comrade.

“Alexois?! What have you done?!” Lance cried out as he looked at the smug half crazed smile on the tanned duskwight’s face. Lance didn’t have a chance to find out as he heard footsteps approaching from the direction of the light.

“Stomping on some roses of course.” Alexois responded as he poked the fallen knight with the tip of his sword. “Getting revenge on you damn High House bastards who make our lives hell. Took me long enough to find a way in.”

Lance looked between the approaching men and Alexois. He an the remaining two of his team were betrayed by one they thought of their own. It had all been cleverly played. They could still retreat. Getting past Alexois alone behind them wouldn’t be that hard. The heretics had the advantage now having caught them off guard. The call would chafe. To retreat an let this betrayal go unpunished…

“This isn’t over, Alex. I will kill you for this.” Lance growled before charging towards the man they once trusted. “Retreat! That is an order!” His sword clashed against Alex’s blade. He would buy time for the rest of his team to get out alive. He watched them run past back into the snows of Coerthas. The footsteps from the cave were coming quicker now. Lance brought his shield up towards Alex’s face to stun the other man. A moment of time bought.

Lance bolted from that cave. Anger clawing at his heart. They had been betrayed by Alex. He had once liked the man. Trusted the man. Only to have it turned against them. Halone have mercy on the man if they ever met again. Lance would make sure the man breathed his last.

An OSR Starlight

Destiney looked around her room before placing the several new items down on the table. Her eyes were watery as she looked down at the gifts. Every word she had said she had meant them. Every last one. Fingers trailed over the gifts she hadn’t chosen to wear yet. Finally reaching up to remove the ones she had decided to wear.

Gifts from those she had chosen to call family. Precious lovely family. Tears ran down her cheeks as she ran her fingers over the purple violas with the bit of old white ribbon woven in among the purple and silver hairpiece.

Nate didn’t have to do it. That ribbon had only been a reminder of the girl she had used to be. It hadn’t graced her hair since the first time she had cut it. Right after Leon’s passing. But now… Now it was something new again. A fresh start for that old ribbon. Just like how the Order had been her fresh start. Her hand left that hairpiece to touch the green stone she wore on a loose necklace.

Only half the stone it once was. The other half now graced another. She hoped that Rhisi wouldn’t mind. It had been a part of the ritual Rhisi had preformed for her when she was still relatively new among the Order. A gift meant to bring her good luck and comfort. She had chosen to share a bit of that precious stone with Nate. Half that stone was now his in a similar necklace. He had been her rock. Together they were more then alone. Two broken souls who were so much stronger together. She couldn’t think of anyone who deserved to share that stone with her more then Nate did.

Her hand covered her mouth to try an hold off the urge to cry. Not unhappy tears though. There was so much love to be found here among her family. Slowly she lowered that hand to trail over the beautiful hairpiece Tara had made for her. So intricate and pretty as it all weaved together an accented with a bit of purple stone. A hand reaching up to touch the ends of her shorter locks. She still felt bad that Tara had meant the gift for her hair before she had cut it again. A soft smile forming on her lips. It just meant she would have to let her hair grow again. Just as she continued to grow as a person.

Next her hand touched the lovely earrings Rhisi had given her. Rhisi… Like a second mother. Always so kind and warm. Always talking sense into her when she needed it most. Providing succor for the healer with the broken soul. Giving her a place she could truly love and be proud to call home. Guiding her back from the darkest parts of her own heart. With a smile and kind words.

Kagato. Silly Pirate. A warm smile on her lips. He was still so distant yet she felt she had at least gotten a bit behind that goofy front at least once back after that injury with the shrapnel. Top shelf wine, a bag of cookies, and a silver necklace with a small bit of garnet. He had been far too kind with words and gifts this night. Yet… She was glad to see as much as he kept people at arm’s length… He did care.

Aras. Sweet Aras had even given her a gift. It was unexpected. She wished she had had more to offer the girl besides the cookies she had attempted to make. They seemed to have turned out well enough despite her limited cooking skills. At least the girl would have something to eat while hiding in the archives. Even if they were cookies. Food was still food for a bookworm who sometimes forgot to eat.

This was her family. Even those who only gave the gift of their warmth an acceptance. This was home. Now she did cry. She was so fortunate to be among them. To be accepted. Broken parts and all.

Aiden's Rest - Lancefer and Tara

Lancefer Aurifore: “Mind if I join you, Tara?”

Tara Griffinsong: “…” Tara says nothing at first, staring out at Dravania in the far distance. “…If you wish.”

Lancefer Aurifore frowns and looks at her a moment before finally climbing up to sit beside her on the wall. “I am guessing something very bad happened last eve. Neither you nor Destiney seem to be yourselves this eve.”

Tara Griffinsong wipes red rimmed eyes, “…You could say that, yeah. It….it was damaging to all of us, in our own way.”

Lancefer Aurifore ‘hmms’ softly as he looks out at the snowy skies. “I was afraid of such when my cousin pretty much told me to get the hells out of her house an find you instead. What happened last night? If it is okay for me to ask.”

Tara Griffinsong glances over at him, her eyes flitting away before she could meet his eyes, “We…It started out fine, a normal mission…for us anyway. We eventually got into a situation where a machine? Spell? Where -something- showed us….memories. For most of us, I think, they weren’t happy either.”

Lancefer Aurifore looks over at Tara as she explains. “I see…Must have been pretty bad if both you and my cousin are out of sorts this eve. Do you wish to talk about it? You did listen to me the other night. I would be willing to offer the same if you so wish.”

Tara Griffinsong points at the mountains in the distance. “I was born over those, in the Orn Wildes. Or so near the Wildes it wasn’t really the Hinterlands anymore and it wasn’t the Wildes yet. There’s a ranch there, called Little Hope.” She laughs, a little broken, “Little Hope isn’t so little really.”

Lancefer Aurifore: “I don’t think it matters if it is little or not. To someone at some time it was that small shred of hope they needed most likely. It is Hope that gives some people the drive needed to push forward when things are bleak.”

Tara Griffinsong: “We’re…family. Refugees from basically everywhere the Empire’s looked who’ve made it across Abalathia’s Spine is welcome in our home and I’m actually related to most of them. We….also have taken in…people the See is not fond of.” She chooses her words carefully. “I was born the second of three children, with my twin the only one younger than me.”

Lancefer Aurifore frowned at her comment on the See, looking around to make sure no others knights had been nearby. “So many people found hope in what your family offered. So the place is actually well named despite not being so little. Please continue.”

Tara Griffinsong tugs her cap off as the wind settles, letting her waist length hair unfurl behind her.

Tara Griffinsong: “For years, we were peaceful. We didn’t make trouble with our ‘neighbors’ and even breed war chocobos. Aiden was my older brother, a good eight years older than me, but we were thick as thieves, more so than me and my twin really. He understood me in a way that….no one else has ever really been able to.”

Lancefer Aurifore: “Sounds like he was a good older brother. What happened to him? You said 'was’. I take it he is no longer walking this world. Forgive me for asking if it hurts too much. You may ask me to leave if you wish.”

Tara Griffinsong: “Carteneau. He was eight years older than me, so he was nineteen when the Alliance went to battle. Ishgard wasn’t involved, of course, but Aiden somehow got his way south and joined the Adders. …He didn’t make it home.”

Lancefer Aurifore made a soft 'hmph’ noise. “So then the odds were high that maybe you an Destiney met for a reason. Did she ever mention Carteneau to you?”

Tara Griffinsong nods quietly. “She did.”

Lancefer Aurifore: “Maybe one of the Twelve thought the two of you could use each other. Well use is not really the right word. A shared pain is an easier burden when it is shared. Have you ever told her about your brother?”

Tara Griffinsong shakes her head, “Most days his memory is bearable and she hurts far worse than I.”

Lancefer Aurifore looks at her in silence for a long moment. Thinking of the words he wanted to say. “I think you should. Or at least maybe try. Maybe she is finally healing? Unless it was something about her father she saw last eve. She wouldn’t tell me. Seemed to get lost in her thoughts easier than usual.”

Tara Griffinsong shakes her head, “I…wasn’t really able to focus on what others were reacting or saying. My own memories were….distracting.” She slides off the railing and picks up the sack and a large, cloth wrapped item that looked far too heavy for her to be carrying, though she managed fine. “…Join me? I’m going to do something I should have done while coming south.”

Lancefer Aurifore watches her get up, eyeing the sack. “Of course. I would gladly offer you my sword and shield out here. Not that I do not believe you a capable young woman. It just makes me worry less. If that is alright to you. Or I would even offer to carry that for you if you wished.” Brushes snow off his armor as he climbs down off the wall.

Tara Griffinsong shakes her head, “We’re not going far and it’s my thing to carry.” She smiles wanly.

Lancefer Aurifore: “Then lead on and I shall follow.”

Tara Griffinsong pauses, grumbling a little about public stair safety and hefting the wrapped object higher in her hold.

Tara Griffinsong takes a deep breath at the opening to the cave.

Lancefer Aurifore keeps an eye on her while still making sure to keep an eye out for anything dangerous as well. “So what have you come here to do? If you do not mind me asking.”

Tara Griffinsong bites her lip, “Visiting the Fury’s Gaze.”

Lancefer Aurifore: “That much I could figure by where we are.”

Tara Griffinsong sends him a dry look.

Tara Griffinsong gazes around the cave, staring at the stalagmites and tites, seemingly searching for something.

Tara Griffinsong walks over to one of the bigger ones, feet making little to no sound.

Lancefer Aurifore looks up before closing his eyes and making a motion of respect for Halone.

Lancefer Aurifore walks over and quietly watches Tara.

Lancefer Aurifore eyes the axe she had placed against the pillar. “Did it belong to your brother?”

Tara Griffinsong kneels and drags from her sack a large, flat stone and sets it before the pillar, making four indentations in it with a touch of aether. Next comes candles, one deep purple, one blue, one white and lastly a pitch black one. “Yes, one of the only uncharred things that was found to bring home to us.” She lights the candles with a match and smiles, “Rest well in Halone’s Halls, Aiden. May She greet you with a Warrior’s welcome, for you fell in battle protecting your home and your family.”

Lancefer Aurifore looks back towards the stone bearing Halone’s mark before looking back towards the axe and Tara. “I am sure Halone has embraced him with open arms. She does not forsake those who have served her well.” His words were softly spoken.

Tara Griffinsong quieter, “Be safe big brother…I miss you…”

Tara Griffinsong: “I hope so…I wasn’t…sure if I should do this, since he never fought for Ishgard, but…I felt I had to, you know? I know this is probably unorthodox and frowned upon to leave these here…”

Tara Griffinsong: “I got mad at him, you know, before he left. My last words to him was that he was abandoning us, me. I was mad that I didn’t tell him I loved him.” She sobs.

Lancefer Aurifore steps closer and puts his hands on her shoulders first, not wanting to startle her. Before wrapping his arms around her in a hug from behind. “Halone may be the patron who watches over Ishgard but her children are not just those of us born and bred in Ishgard. I am sure she loves all her children no matter their birth. Even your brother.”

Tara Griffinsong sobs freely now, hands coming up to hug his arms as tears stream down her face.

Lancefer Aurifore just lets her cry as he holds her. “I’m sure he knows you love him too. You’ve probably made him proud so many times. Look at all the good you’ve done. The people you’ve helped. If he watches over you… I am sure he is very proud of his little sister. I would be.”

Tara Griffinsong hiccoughs, “Twelve I hope so. I…I don’t think I’ve earned his pride though.” She sniffles, “How…how do I submit a formal request to Haillenarte to not remove it? Or at least move it somewhere more appropriate and not throw it off the cliff?”

Lancefer Aurifore takes a deep breath an looks up. “I can try calling in some favors. Maybe talk to Lord Francel. He would probably be the best one to convince. He is a very kind young man who I am proud to serve under.”

Tara Griffinsong shakes her head, “I’ll do it Lancefer. I don’t want you spending your favors on me.”

Lancefer Aurifore chuckles softly. “No. It is alright. They would be well spent if they offered you some measure of peace. I wish I could do the same for my cousin.”

Tara Griffinsong tilts her head up to glare at him, poking his arm gently. “It’s fine. I’ll ask the Lord myself. I’m not that socially awkward.”

Lancefer Aurifore let’s go of her to raise his hands in the air, a slight grin on his face. “Alright. I did offer at least. But yes I would suggest talking with Lord Francel. He is a kind hearted young man. If any of the Haillenarte children might hear you out, it would be him.”

Tara Griffinsong drags gentle fingers down the head of the axe, pressing a kiss to her fingers and then her fingers to the axe. “Rest well Aiden. Feast and Make Merry at Halone’s side.”

Lancefer Aurifore: “May Halone watch over his soul.”

Warning Signs - Lancefer

Sky blue eyes stared up towards the grey clouds. More snow soon to come they promised. Something that was not an usual occurrence for Ishgard. He had trouble remembering anymore what his city used to look like without the cold and snow. Hard to believe it had been so long already.

He knew he should have returned home last eve. Was probably going to hear about it from his mother at the very least. Hopefully his father was too busy with work for Dzemael to even be home at this hour. He could slip in an find his spare armor. The chainmail he had worn yesterday needed repairs. There was no way he could wear it to duty without questions being raised. He had no answers to give. None that made sense. There was no way he could explain it without seeming as if he was crazy. Though he had seen a good many crazy things since he had started following his cousin around.

Yesterday… The man with the snow white hair and teeth like razors. The one Tenrai had called a foul water sprite. His left hand came to rest over his right shoulder. There was no real pain. Tara had taken good care of the injury he had sustained. Yet… The memories of that brief fight still disturbed him. There was still no name to put with the stranger’s face yet he had claimed to know Destiney. Which disturbed him even more…

Chaotic. His cousin had some very chaotic choices of people to claim knowing. That was the best way he could think of it. Like turbulent waters of the sea. He hadn’t had a chance to see her an ask about the strange man he had found outside of Dragonhead.

It had started as mere curiosity and concern. The man had been sitting in the snow against the outer wall. Wanting to make sure the fool hadn’t frozen to death mere feet from the camp itself. There was a sort of madness about the stranger wearing the half-mask. Talking about dragon blood. Saying how it had no effect on him an wanting to test it on Lance. An then… The odd way the man fought like a demon. Trying to pierce Lance with those… Things! Like the tentacles of a octopus but far more dangerous. Their shape was not solid. More like half frozen water able to shift shape. The edges tipped crimson with blood. There was no way Lance wanted to find out if it was truly dragon blood in those dangerous tendrils.

Lance hadn’t wanted to fight. Not at first. However there was no way he was going to allow someone so dangerous to walk freely. Not in that state of madness. However he had no idea where his cousin was to call her to deal with the masked man. It had been like fighting a Hydra. Cut off one an two regrew. Until he was facing at least seven tendrils. In the end it wasn’t one of those tipped in the color of blood that caught him. He had opened up a gaping wound in the man’s chest but even that did not seem to faze the man. From there something shot out like those tendrils, caught him in the right shoulder. His chainmail hadn’t seemed to be much of an obstacle for it either. That creeping cold. Like something crawling under his skin. Then it was nearly over as quickly as it had begun. The man withdrew and fled away. Leaving him there stunned and wounded. Leaving him to wonder what sort of creature that man was.

His thoughts finally drifted back to the present as he approached the door to the house. A deep breath before his hands reached up to give it a push open. Cautiously without seeming like a thief sneaking about his own home, Lance made his way towards his room.

“Lancefer?”

He paused an mentally cursed his luck. His mother’s voice. So much for getting in an out without notice. Elviane always seemed to be keeping an eye or ear out for his coming and goings. Especially when it came to trying to set him up with a potential wife.

“Yes mother. I had to stop by an fetch something from my room. I have another shift of duty shortly.” He knew she wasn’t going to come out of the other room to see him though. She rarely did anymore. Not unless she had something specific she needed him for. Nor did he feel truly bad for lying about having duty soon. He mere wanted to avoid the possible conversation about his love life. Or rather lack of one.

“Your father and grandfather wished to see you in the study. Do not keep them waiting. You know how they hate being made to wait.”

Halone have mercy… Both of them? He grimaced an looked down the hall towards the closed doors to the study. It would have been easier to turn around an run. But he didn’t run. With a deep breath he pushed forward towards those doors. Looming ahead of him like the gates to hell. Dealing with them one at a time was bad enough. Dealing with both at once… Maybe he should have let that man kill him yesterday.

Inside the room Grandfather was his usual place. Behind the sturdy manor desk, polished to a shine. Papers spread across it’s surface. A tray of tea that was no longer steaming. Obviously they had been waiting for him for some time. His father frowned from where he stood near the windows looking out into Ishgard.

“You’re late.”

The urge to cringe was there as his father spoke. Vairemont was never a patient man. Yet Lance kept his face passive. He had been dancing to this game long enough. A respectable bow to both of his elders. He didn’t dare look up at either of them. Gaze kept down to the floor. They would not tolerate being lied to. Yet they didn’t truly know the lies he told them on a regular basis. There was no reason to give them a chance to suspect him now though. Tread careful. Dealing with both at once was like walking on cracked glass. One wrong step would have disastrous consequences.

“I apologize. I got caught up in business last eve an chose to rest before returning. It was already far late for travel back to Ishgard.”

He heard his father’s steps more then saw them. Felt his father’s displeasure. The man always seemed to radiate that feeling around him anymore. Ever since his fateful choice of Haillenarte over Dzamael. He was no longer the favored son. Had not been for many years.

“Resting at the beach I heard.”

Surprised eyes found his father’s stern gaze. Had they realized? Was his ruse up? Did they know every bit of information he fed them since finding out who the lady they had him following was, was false? Surely he had not slipped up that much to give himself away so soon. He was no shadow yet surely they couldn’t have found out. Unless… They had begun to suspect an had him followed… Or he was truly unlucky that someone his father knew was there at Costa…

“Her free company goes to the beach at the end of the week, every week. As I said. Business. Unless you no longer wish for me to keep trying to find information for you.” He tried hard to keep the venom from his voice. He hated what they demanded of him. The orders chaffed an cut at him. Defying them was hard. They were his family. Yet… They also made it so easy to do. His time among the men and women of Haillenarte had given him a better understanding of how family should be. Even his time learning of his cousin an her crazy free company that she considered family… Even they were more family then the one he had.

Fast. His father’s hand struck out at him. Hand on his injured right shoulder. Fingers digging into that wound. On purpose. The intent was clear on his father’s face. Lance couldn’t keep his face passive any longer. His teeth were gritted against the pain as those fingers pressed hard against that injury. Tara’s hard work… It pissed him off. Finally the pain subsided as his father shoved him back into the nearby bookshelf. A few of the books tumbled to the floor at the jolt of a body hitting the shelves.

“You will not take the tone with me, boy.” His father’s voice a snarl.

“Enough!” Age wizened eyes looked on at the scene of father and son before finally settling on Lancefer. Their disappointment was clear. “You have been failing to provide us with anything useful lately. If this keeps up… Well. I don’t have to remind you now do? Consider this a warning, Lancefer. You will not get another. You know what was asked of you.”

“Yes, Grandfather.” Lance bowed his head. A warning. They were indeed beginning to suspect. His lies had not been clearly as clever as he had thought they had been. Maybe he had been wise in warning Nate last evening. If they suspected it would not be long before they took this matter out of his hands. If they did that he would no longer be able to control the flow of information. He would need the help of men like Raiden and Nate. The purple-eyed aevis and the wolf of Dzamael. But would it be enough?

“You are dismissed.”

Lance did not wait around. Nor did he hurry in his departure. He would not give them the satisfaction of thinking they had him running scared. Once in the safety of his room, he slid down the closed door to sit on the floor. Slowly he removed his jacket and shirt. Trying to be careful of the bandages on his shoulder. They were stained with fresh blood where his father had dug his fingers into the wound. A quiet curse under his breath as he leaned his head back against the door behind him. He would have to think of something. Surely he could do this.

“Halone… Please help me…”

Heartbreak

(Fair warning if you have not seen past the Vault in the MSQ do NOT read. This is a major spoiler. You have been warned. I apologize for the quality. I keep feeling like it’s lacking somehow. Please note that this is written as if Destiney was the WoL as well as from her point of view. Which of course she isn’t the WoL. I’ve been bouncing this story bit around for some time. @skysteelsun & @haurchefantgreystone gave me some inspiration for this (an their permission!). So the Haurchefant and Steph found in here are based on theirs. So you have been warned that not everything here is canon to the game.)

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I chose to lean against the door frame and watch from the distance. A warm smile on my face as I watched those two love birds. I could still remember the first days I met each one of them. They did their best to behave in public but it was still clearly obvious by the looks an subtle touches.

Haurchefant. The stalwart knight an defender of the weak. A man with such a pure heart and such strong passion. A smile suited that face of his. To see him happy. I still remembered our first meeting at Camp Dragonhead. The whirlwind of my life catching him in the currents. Dragging him into my fight. Not that he wouldn’t have volunteered. No he definitely would have volunteered to help. He was too kind to refuse even if I had not wanted to involve him.

Stephanivien. Sweet sunshine. A smile worth every thing. The man in charge of the Skysteel. Who tried to teach me to wield a gun rather then a bow. That day he handed over that carbine to me in Camp Overlook. Yet in the end I stuck with my bow. A man so accepting of people. So willing to teach and accept. It was hard not to be drawn to someone so pure.

They deserved each other. They deserved to be happy in this war torn world. Yet… There was still work to be done. Daylight was growing short. “Haurchefant! We should get going.” I called out to him finally after feeling I had given them enough time together. Watched the goodbye between them before Haurchefant finally turned to join me with a smile still on his face.

*~*

Hard to believe that happy moment was only days ago as we stood before the Vault. I gave one last glance towards Lucia and Haurchefant. I gave them a silent nod as I took off inside. We had to rescue Lord Aymeric. Several knights of Fortemps had been spared to join me in any fighting.

My job was to deal was to distract the Heavens’ Ward and seek out the Archbishop. I raced down those halls. Stopping to deal with combat of Temple Knights along the way. Facing off against three of the Heavens’ Ward in combat. Not all at once of course. Ser Charibert was the final one to stand in my way as I neared the top of the Vault. It was then that Ser Zephirin called the retreat, an airship crossing the sky overhead.

I couldn’t let them reach that airship. Even if at this point I was forced to continue on alone. The other knights who had accompanied me had fallen before my fight with Ser Charibert. Parts of my coat were still singed from the fight. For the most part though I had escaped with only minor injuries. My feet carried me up that remaining distance an through those doors. There in the distance was the Archbishop and the airship that had passed overhead.

I looked back over my shoulder at the sound of running footsteps. My heart leaped at the sight of Haurchefant and Lucia. With them Lord Aymeric, who looked a little worse for wear. I would not have to stand against the Heavens’ Ward alone. I hung back opposite of Haurchefant as Aymeric tried to appeal to his father. A silent look passing between us as the Archbishop denied Aymeric’s reasoning. Chose to continue in this folly.

I raced forward with Haurchefant close on my heels. He knew of the attack before I did, calling out a warning. Ser Zephirin had thrown a spear of what I could only assume was aether towards us. Haurchefant had stepped into the path of the projectile that had been meant for me. His shield met the blow. I thought we would be fine as he held strong under the attack.

Until the sounds of the first crack of metal. My heart sunk to the pit of my stomach. My eyes widened in shock as the shield finally gave before that weapon did. The scream stuck in my throat as I watched in horror. Feeling like the world was in slow motion as I watched Haurchefant fall to the ground. I dropped to my knees as Aymeric held up his head. I knew the blood on his lips was a bad sign. An not a healer among us.

“You…you are unharmed? F-Forgive me… I could not bear the thought of… of…”

I wanted to die as he spoke like this. The blow had been meant for me. Yet the lovable fool had sacrificed himself for me. My hands wrapped around his as he reached for me. I wanted to scream an cry at him at the same time. Why?!

“Oh, do not look at me so.”

That smile on his face. He was dying yet he could still spare a smile for me. Damned fool. Halone take him. Tears threatened to overwhelm me. My friend was dying. The one person who had stood by us when all else had forsaken us. Brought us into Ishgard and got his father to take us in.

“A smile better suits a hero… Tell Stephanivien I’m sorry…”

I forced a smile to my face. One last smile as he lay there dying. Just for him. “Haurchefant!” His name finally cried out from my lips as his eyes shut for the last time. Now came the tears finally. I was the warrior of light… Yet I couldn’t even save him. He had given his life for mine instead. Sobs wracked my body as I mourned the loss of his light in this world.

*~*

My feet gave pause at the doors to the Manufactory. Grief still clawed at my heart like a rabid beast. Yet… I needed to be the one to tell Stephanivien. Haurchefant had given his life for mine. This was my responsibility. He shouldn’t have to hear it second hand from someone else. Besides they had both been such dear friends to us. To me.

“Stephan…” I walked through the doors, sighting him near his workbench. He looked up at the sound of my name. The pain coloring my voice. “Haurchefant… He…” I couldn’t make myself say the words. I couldn’t make it so final. To watch Stephanivien’s heart break. The grief threatened to overwhelmed me again. I felt warm arms wrap around me in silent comfort as the tears finally won out.

I was barely aware of the warm wet tears that dropped on my head as Stepanivien hugged me. Sharing in the pain we both felt at the loss of someone so dear. It was all my fault… I knew his heart was breaking because of me. I know he had lost the man so dear to him because of me. That damn lovable fool. Halone watch over his soul… Halone watch over us all…

Journal Entry 34 - Destiney

I seem to be neglecting to write in here as often as I used to. I guess life has been a bit busier then normal. Especially now with my cousin in the picture.

Lance and I have been spending time when we both can getting to know each other. It has been mostly casual. He hasn’t tried to pry for anything more then I am willing to speak with him on. Then again part of me is still waiting for him to stab me in the back. I don’t think he will though… I guess it is still part of me not ready to accept that someone from that side of the family actually cares.

He did mention the other night he had come looking for me to tend to some injuries he had gotten while on duty. I guess he got injured fending off an attack in a joint effort with some of the Fortemps troops from Dragonhead. Some aevis scored a lucky hit on him. Apparently Tara took care of it for him though. 

He also mentioned some sparring match that happened while he was visiting. Something about Aras and Dusk. He didn’t have all the details as he and Tara had arrived towards the end of the match. Though he made mention of interest in challenging her himself sometime. As well as that he met Nate after. Who didn’t seem to be having a good day. 

Speaking on Nate. I’m glad he has so much patience for me some days. I feel I have been rather snappish with him lately. I guess I am just still upset from last week’s mission. I don’t really mean to take it out on him. I mean we have moments where I feel like we might clash an I get so scared of what might happen if we do. I guess I should have a bit more faith. Faith that the bond between us is stronger then a few ill words. 

I mean he did get a chance to see me use a bow for a change in the Twelveswood last week. Tara had gotten lost. Or rather something had spooked her chocobo. It was nice… Fighting side by side like that. Instead of just watching his back. We did manage to find Tara safe and sound though she had been chased by a few tempered Sylphs. Nate and I had gone to check an make sure they had all returned to their territory after they gave up the chase. Of course we found some stragglers. That was how Nate and I got to fight side by side. I was unlucky that day apparently though. One of the sylphs managed to catch me off guard an I was zapped pretty good. No real physical injury though besides feeling rather numb and tingly. Nate got us back to the house before actually carrying me inside on his back. I was a bit… embarrassed honestly. Mostly because there were others in the house at the time. But at the same time I was afraid I might trip an fall on my face with the way certain parts of my body felt numb. I knew it would wear off in time though. So it wasn’t like I hadn’t agreed to let him carry me.

Dusk pulled me aside once I was feeling a bit less numb. We stepped aside into my room to talk privately. Apparently she felt the need to caution me about Leera and Rose. She doesn’t want Leera anywhere near Rose. Our youngest an newest member. I understand she is young an still learning. However I was a bit offended that she felt the need to try an caution me yet again. I know Leera -can- be dangerous. I’ve always held a measure of caution when dealing with Leera ever since learning the truth about who an what he is. There is always a certain amount of caution needed when dealing with a predator. I want to believe Leera can be good, can do something more then be a tool for his creators. Even Oni when we had a discussion earlier in the day had believed there might be a chance for Leera to be a better person. He just needs to be taken away from the bad influences an given a chance. So I told Dusk my own opinions an what Oni had said. It was admitting Leera does need to change. Yet I still feel Leera does care about me in a way. 

I had told Oni about the potion Leera had given to me. About how Felix thought it had been something to be used against him. That was how our discussion went from Oni’s new tools into talk of his sibling. I haven’t seen Leera for a bit of time now. He had told me I wouldn’t.  But in our talk Oni did agree Leera wasn’t always the way he is now. That maybe if he was taken away from ‘father’ that there could be a chance for real change. I mean it is worth a shot if I can find a way. Why else would Leera care enough to keep speaking to me or even give me a potion for my own safety? I am certainly not -that- entertaining for him to be toying with me.
Oh! On a rather positive note. I survived my first cooking lesson with J’siris. I had offered him use of my new kitchen an he proceeded to teach me a stew. It actually turned out really well even with me helping make it. I didn’t even cut any fingers this time! I even took some to Lance before I joined the Order at the house for the evening.

Anyways I better finish my work before the mission this evening. It is nearly time.

Journal Entry 33 - Destiney

Now where did I leave off last time… Oh yes the knock at my door. Apparently I have a cousin who decided to come from Ishgard to watch over me. On occasion. Apparently he has been spying upon me for a while now. An those in my free company. It seems my grandfather has not been too fond of some of my recent activities. He originally sent Lance to spy on us an report back to him.

Lance claims he’s giving him false information though. That Lance just wants a chance to prove himself to me now. Since Dusk and Raiden seemed to think he’s not a danger to me… I’m giving him a chance. A chance to prove himself and the words he claims to be true. So we’ve spent some time getting to know each other. Just a little bit so far. Both of our lives are somewhat busy. So we just try to find time where we can.

There have been no recent missions. At least none that I know of. Life has been busy for many of us this past week. Work or family requiring attention from many. Myself included. Between visiting my mother and dealing with my cousin. An some work for the Flames and Gods’ Quiver.

I met Feterra… Apparently a friend of Nate’s who is staying with him… We had words the other night. Not exactly pleasant words. I do not know how much of the things she said I believe or want to accept with at least a grain of salt. She said Nate hates healers. That she can’t believe Nate would be friends with me. Unless we were ‘special’ friends. Just because Nate stayed on my couch in my room at the Order’s house when he was injured… Nothing has ever happened like that between us. I would never ask that of Nate. I would be afraid it would ruin what does exist between us if I even did. An I can see the pain when he mentions Granger.

I was… Angry. I think I kept my temper rather well despite the anger I was feeling towards her words and judgements of the bond between Nate and I. Thankfully Rhisi arrived an our conversation ended. I took a walk rather then continuing to let her goad me into further anger. It would not benefit anything for me to have remained. She did apologize to me later before I went to bed. I was no longer feeling well.

Oni had been the reason I had felt ill. He had come home with items from a recent hunt. All I could remember was the day I had found him hunting. The blood and sight I found… The thought still made me fearful to be around him. I have been avoiding him an staying away from him as much as possible since that day. At least until last night.

Rhisi had pulled me aside. She had mentioned the day before about asking me how I was doing with the cards. She did ask about the cards… But there was more to our discussion then just that. We also discussed Oni. I was asked if I had ever tried to ask the cards about Oni. I had. Twice now. Once a while back when I was last having problems with him. An then again last night. Each time the answer was the same. Incomplete. Unfinished. Rhisi thought it was actually fitting of the man she knows Oni to be.

I… Came to a realization last night in that discussion. I don’t want to die. Not anymore. Not like I once had. Somehow in my fear while watching Oni… In thinking I might be next… I realized I no longer wanted to die. I had never given the idea much thought since the day I tried to die outside of Occidens. I had wanted to die so badly. I had wanted to take those soldiers with me. Instead I had left a broken mess. I was saved and could not understand why. I was inches from death. Seconds maybe. Yet I was saved. For so long… I couldn’t understand why. I’m not entirely sure I still know why. Yet… Maybe I am finally on the path to understanding it.

Rhisi told me a small story. In a way she seems to think that the events that occurred on my nameday… That this is in a way a part of my rebirth. That it is like the warriors of her story. They live to fight an die in battle. Only to sometimes live. That it is not a second chance. It’s a path towards a rebirth. To accepting that they are alive an that is how they want to be. That the path is never easy. It can be dark, stormy, painful, and filled with fear. It’s the acceptance that is the rebirth. Realizing you want to be alive.

Maybe part of me did die that day. Maybe that part of me my uncle, Leon, an Dove saved was worth it. Worth breathing life back into. Even as broken an shattered as I was. That fragment they worked to restore… It just took me time to realize I wanted to be alive.

Of course this doesn’t mean some magic wand has been waved an I will be one hundred percent alright from now on. I’m still an imperfect creature. I am still finding my way in life. I am still figuring things out. I’ll still have moments where I doubt myself and my abilities. Where all I feel is the darkness in my own heart. That is still a part of who I am. There is no magical cure. There is no quick fix. But… There will always be people who love and care about me though. An somehow I will make it through even when my doubts threaten to drown me.

Oni… I am still unsure how I feel about him. Other then… I still want to be his friend. I was honest about that with him last night at Bronze Lake. I do not know if I can look at him the same way I once did. I do not know if I will ever be able to easily accept the predator he is deep down. I do know that the people of this company that know the truth trust him completely. Rhisi said he chooses us. He chooses to give everything he is to us. That even if he was half mad with hunger he would still do everything in his power to control himself and protect those he calls his family. Somehow… I need to find a way to accept this. In my own way. To come to terms with what lurks beneath that gentle exterior.

Leera… He knows I gave up the potion to Felix yesterday. Felix felt it was dangerous. That somehow it was some plot against Oni. I had never once intended to give it to Oni. Leera gave it to me. It was for my safety. But… I knew Felix wouldn’t let up. I didn’t want to ruin what is between Felix and I. Our friendship does mean a good deal to me. So I gave it to him. Apparently Leera had been nearby an observed. He contacted me over the linkpearl he had left me. I felt bad. I’m not sure if he thought I would lie to him as Felix asked me to or something else. He sounded disappointed. Whether it was just in Felix or the fact that I handed it over I do not know. One thing I will admit is that I am disappointed that I will not hear from Leera again for a time. He said he had to go away for a while. However I did let Felix know I would not stop talking to Leera just because I handed over that vial.

It is unfair to make me pick sides. To keep me in the dark an assume I should side with one based on words alone. I still think there is some shred of good in Leera. I will continue to keep this stance until he proves me wrong otherwise. Till he proves to me that there is no redemption for a soul like his. If I can accept Leera… Surely I can find a way to accept Oni as well. They are both dangerous in their own ways. I will find a way to come to terms with everything. One way or another. I hope. I believe.

There is one thing that bothers me though… I had stepped away from Felix, Dusk, an Rhisi to answer Leera. I told them it was something personal. Which.., It technically is. Still it feels so close to lying… I found myself unable to admit to who I spoke with. Not with Dusk and Felix present. I know their opinions of Leera. I knew they would frown upon it.

Damn it all… I totally did not have a chance to speak with Nate last night either. I spent the first half of the night enjoying the quiet as I was left alone. I mean Konner did come to check in with me which was kind of him. Eventually though Nate brought over a guest who was staying at the house. Yet I did not get a moment alone with him to speak with him about Feterra.

I had a first that night. Nate brought Taka over to me who was very visibly pregnant. I have never dealt with a pregnant person before. Nor have I ever had to check on the health of a child. I am still such a novice healer yet Nate… Seemed to think enough of my skills to bring her to me instead of Aimee. I was nervous and unsure. Yet… I think I did alright.

Overall… This past several days has been a literal whirlwind. I feel like I have been up an down and all over the place emotionally. Many good and bad. I think… Once I can sort through my feelings… Sort through how to handle everything… I will be just fine. Yes… I think that is accurate.

Two Paths Converge - Destiney and Lancefer

(So. First meeting for the cousins, Destiney and Lance. Since my characters cannot actually ever meet each other in game, of course, I wrote this for them.)

Destiney quickly tucked away her journal as she finished the last lines for the entry she was working on. The fact that someone was knocking on her door had her curious. Chee and J'siris usually didn’t bother knocking and waiting. They usually just knocked then came in. Whoever was at the door today wasn’t them. She didn’t usually get visitors at her personal home. It wasn’t an address she openly gave out. This place was an escape from all the chaos and activity in her life. Her one safe haven from everything.

What she hadn’t been expecting was the handsome elezen on the other side. She was pretty sure she had never met this man before. His darker skin tone almost made her mistake him for a duskwight at first. But the racial cuffs on the ears marked him as a wildwood. His hair was raven black with what appeared to be dark blue highlights in places. Faint freckles dotted his cheekbones right below his summer sky blue eyes. She found herself speechless as she stared up at him.

“Destiney? Destiney Delvanguard yes?” He asked as he bowed politely to her. Even an Ishgardian accent touched his voice.

“Yes. Who are you?” She finally managed to find her voice to ask the young man before her. The accent had set her on edge. It had been the douse of cold water she needed when staring at a handsome elezen man. She knew very few people in Ishgard. He was not among those. Very few of those she even knew there could be counted among those she trusted. So what brought this man to her doorstep then?

“Lancefer, Knight in service of House Haillenarte. May I come in?”

Destiney stepped aside as she held the door open for him to come in. She had not missed his lack of a last name. Curiosity won out over caution though. There was no one she remembered among Haillenarte. Never before had she interacted with anyone from the High Houses. Not even a knight of one. She had always kept her time in Ishgard limited after her five year stay had ended years ago. Only returning as needed for information or items bartered from a trader there. Not even returning to visit her aunt. Though she did send letters at times to let her aunt know she was still alive.

Thankfully the recent remodel of her kitchen allowed for better space to deal with guests. Mostly because she had been tempted to invite members of the company by sometime. Most definitely a few of them at the very least. She had already had Felix over once. Along with his friend Rowan. It had just been a few nights ago actually.

Lancefer picked a chair not far from the doors, placing his gauntlet clad hands on the back but didn’t sit. He looked anxious and nervous though he did hold himself well without fidgeting. As if whatever he had come here for, was bad news. Or at least news he was unsure how she would take. Destiney didn’t take her eyes off him though as she moved around the counter into the kitchen. The more distance between them the better. Not that there was much room for escape if needed. Especially being in the kitchen. Still the space between them an the counters made her feel a fraction safer to deal with the Ishgardian in her home.

“What can I help you with, Ser Lancefer?” Destiney asked as she grabbed a bottle of white wine off the cupboard shelf before turning her attention back to him. There was no way she wished to take her eyes off him for long. His sword and shield were not drawn but that did not make him any less dangerous. Her bow was downstairs on her desk as she had not expected needing it. As was her soulstone so there was no way to call Daisy to her aid. Fingers reached into her pocket to brush against her linkpearl. At least that much she never left just anywhere. It was also on her person.

“This… This is hard to explain.” Lancefer said with a sigh as he ran a hand through his dark hair. He finally let go of the back of the chair and began to pace. “After speaking with both Lady Miu and Lady Dusk… They both thought it time I come clean to you. That I come speak with you. I beg you to hear me out until I finish what I have to say though. Will you?” He looked at her with pleading eyes as he stopped his pacing for a moment.

“Lady Dusk? You know Dusk?” Destiney frowned as she looked at him. Lady Miu was a name she had not heard before but she only knew one Dusk. It made her feel she needed to be extra cautious now if the Dusk he spoke of was the one she knew. Though it also made her want to find out the truth. Surely if he was dangerous Dusk wouldn’t have suggested he come speak to her. After all Dusk kept trying to warn her of Leera because she thought the duskwight was dangerous. Granted Leera was dangerous in a way but he had never proven a danger to her yet.

“Lady Dusk of the Order you belong to yes. I have…” He hesitated as he took a deep breath as if to try an ease the tension of his body. He could see the way Destiney had tensed up as he confirmed that they were talking about the same Dusk. “I… have been speaking with various members of your company. For a while now actually. Raiden. Oni. Lady Tara.  To name a few. I dined with them for a brief time at the beginning of the week even. They knew the truth an have held their tongues on the matter because I pleaded for them to do so.”

“Held their tongues on what matter? Get to the point.” Destiney said with a frown as she gently placed the wine bottle down on the counter behind her. She no longer trusted herself to hold on to it. Afraid she may either throw it or drop it. Almost wished she had a seat in case she needed it with whatever this knight was about to tell her.

“Please hear me out until the end. At first what I have done is because of orders on behalf of my grandfather. But as time went on my motivations changed. My reasons for doing what I have done have changed. Fury take me… I even battled Raiden on behalf of those motivations. Before the eyes of Halone herself outside the gates to Ishgard…” A heavy sigh as he resumed pacing once more as his story slowly unfolded. “I lost gloriously to Raiden. I never stood a ghost of a chance. I thought… thought you were safe with members like Raiden to watch your back.”

“Safe? Safe from what?” Destiney struggled to remain patient. She found his words to grate her nerves. Why had he challenged Raiden? What was she supposed to be safe from? Interally she was screaming for him to get to the point. However she knew screaming an getting angry would do little good. It was obvious whatever this knight was trying to say was difficult. He wanted to make his point with as many details as possible.

“From my grandfather. Our grandfather.” His eyes met hers. He held his breath as he watched her for any sign. Any sign of what she was likely to do. When she just stared at him in confusion he pressed forward. His words came quicker now. Hurrying to make his point before she had a chance to toss him out of her house without finishing. “My name is Lancefer Aurifore. I am your cousin. Grandfather at first sent me to spy on you an report back to him. Looking for any weakness he could use against you. Once I learned you were my cousin though… I started to defy his wishes. I fed him false information. I fought Raiden for your safety. He… Doesn’t have the best of reputations among the knights but it is not my story to tell.”

“Wait… What? Grandfather… That…” Destiney sucked in a sharp breath as she gripped the counter behind her. Her eyes stared down at the floor beneath her feet. She felt like a rug had been ripped out from under her. She had had no interactions with the old bastard since she had left Ishgard. Gladly had she kept it that way. Neither one of them wanted to be family to one another. Yet this man in her home was calling himself her cousin. She felt angry and confused all at the same time.

“I tried my best to work from the shadows. To keep anything that might damn you as a heretic from reaching grandfather. But… I am a knight not a spy. I have a certain amount of honor to uphold. Haillenarte has already fallen too far without me adding anything worse to their reputation.” His pacing stopped again. Once more his hands gripped the back of the chair nearest to him. His gaze was downcast. “Both Lady Miu and Lady Dusk insisted this farce needed to end. That I needed to come clean an speak with you. I… You are my family. I cannot stand by an allow this continue. To allow this all to spiral out without you knowing what sort of danger might lurk in the shadows. Please…”

His words seemed heartfelt. That was what struck Destiney the most. Never before beyond her aunt had anyone from that side of the family reached out to her. To most of them her mother was an outcast. An she a half-breed bastard. Yet here was one claiming to be different. To actually be trying to warn her. Grandfather having a desire to brand her a heretic was actually not very far fetched. She didn’t like the man an he certainly didn’t like her.

“If you can not trust my words alone… If you have reason to distrust me… Speak with Raiden or Lady Dusk. Or even Lady Tara. Please. Even if you toss me out right now… Please just believe me… All I want is to keep you safe.”

Destiney felt at a loss for words. Every name of an Order member was someone she trusted. Even if she was not currently on good terms with Oni. It still said something if those people had trusted him enough to keep his secret. It explained the occasional feeling of being watched.

Family. The gods were offering her another piece of a family. A piece she had never known till now. Could she trust his words rang true? Could she really just accept his words for what they were? Haillenarte… It was one of the decent High Houses. One she had always thought to be far more noble then those monsters of House Dzamael. Maybe his words could be trusted.

Raiden had fought with him an allowed the man to live. He had walked away from a battle that could have very well killed him. If Raiden had allowed him to live… There must be some shred of truth to his pleas. Which struck another cord in her. After what she had watched Oni and Raiden to be capable of… They had allowed someone who had clearly attacked them to walk away alive.

Her hands clenched as she tried to decide how to react. Slowly she reopened her hands and finally looked up at him. His head was still bowed as if waiting for her judgment. Part of her was angry, furious even. Part of her felt sympathy towards him. Her heart was tugged in various direction of emotion as her mind tried to sort through the information in a reasonable fashion. How dare he assume she needed his protection. How dare he spy on her! Yet… He was reaching out to her now…

Destiney stalked from the kitchen over to where Lancefer stood, still not looking up as she approached. Her hands met his shoulders, shoving backwards. With a clatter of metal, Lancefer found himself on his butt staring up at her with wide startled eyes. Destiney crossed her arms over her chest as she looked down at him with a frown.

“How dare you assume I need your protection. How dare you stalk me from the shadows yet call yourself a knight. How dare you assume I want any contact with anyone in the Aurifore family.” Destiney began. Her voice was firm yet the anger was held at bay. Slowly she dropped her arms from where she had crossed them. A hand stretched out to him. “Get up.”

He stared at her dumbfounded and speechless. First she had shoved him and scolded him. Now she was offering her hand out to him. Demanding he get back to his feet. Her expression was hard for him to read. He took her offered hand, getting back to his feet with her assistance.

“I appreciate your concern but I can protect myself… Most of the time.” A tug at the corners of her mouth was the first sign of true emotion since that frown had faded into a blank look. “I will give you a chance. One chance. If you screw up, you will never bother me again. If you are truly as honest as you have made yourself sound… Then… Welcome to the family?”

Lance felt his eyes would pop out of his head as he listened to her words. He threw his arms around her without thinking, hugging her tight. She squeaked in protest at the sudden hug by a man she didn’t really know yet. He quickly pulled back with a sheepish smile.

“Sorry… I was expecting worse. Like things thrown at me… Or spells. Halone have mercy.” He laughed nervously. “I am… Overjoyed that you are going to give me a chance. I have never been close with my siblings. I have been… the black sheep of the family since the day I joined Haillenarte.”

“Well then…” Destiney looked around at her kitchen, eyes settling upon the bottle of wine. “Tell me about it over a drink? You already know more about me then I know about you.”

“Ah… Tea maybe? You do drink tea yes? I am afraid I have duty later this evening. Alcohol would not be wise.” Lance said as he removed his sword and shield, leaving them near the door.

“Tea it is.”

Journal Entry 32 - Destiney

It’s been a time since I’ve last written in here. I was… emotionally distraught last time. Things are… A mix between better an worse. Depends upon which day we speak of. Am I as upset as the last time I wrote? No. Am I still… Gods I don’t know. The things I’ve seen and had to think on in the time between then and now…
The missions and the missing kids. Yes more missing kids which we found and rescued this time thankfully. Dealing with missing supplies only to have to deal with our masked foe and corrupted fire elementals and the undead… Our missions have been getting more and more dangerous. Dealings with a fanatic crazed with some sort of being named Gaia. It’s a lot to take in. A lot to understand. It leaves me scratching my head an wondering where to find the answers. We can’t even touch our masked foe. Twelve be merciful… We need to get to the bottom of this before anyone else gets hurt. Aras was hurt in the fight with the masked foe and his behemoth. Quarcy was hurt in the fight with the masked foe an his tortoise and fire elementals. I am tired of watching the others get hurt. There has to be answers somewhere. There just has to be…

On a plus side to the time I’ve spent… I am back on good terms once more with Felix and Dusk. Though they have both multiple times cautioned me against Leera. Both of them have. I know they mean well.

But I hold to what I believe. I believe Leera can be a better person. He just needs the right influences. He’s been nothing short of caring when I talk to him. Alright sometimes he seems a little cold. But he’s always been honest. He even gave me a potion of sorts in case I were to get hurt. Which of course Felix seems to insist is some kind of poison. I highly doubt it is. Leera gave it to me while we were discussing Oni.

Speaking of Oni… I got to witness him hunting by accident. Wrong place, wrong time… To think… Our head of security can behave like that… To know what he is capable of… I understand now why Leera warned me. I was never more thankful in that moment to have that linkpearl to contact Leera with. I was so afraid I couldn’t think straight. I thought for sure I was going to end up as Oni’s next meal. An to watch him… No I can’t recall it. It still makes me feel ill.

Felix seems to think I need to keep an open mind. I’ve always had an open mind. But this… This is wrong on so many levels. Nate said Oni wanted to apologize. I’m not sure I want to be alone in the same room with him. I’m not sure I can trust him after what I saw. After everything I’ve been told between Leera and Raiden. I’m not sure what to think right now… I’m not sure I will ever be able to look at him in the same way again. There might always be that fear now.

I’m hoping to see Leera again soon. I’m hoping to finish discussing some of what was mentioned before Dusk showed up during our last chat. Hopefully…

Ah… I will have to finish writing another time. There is a knock on my door. Might be Chee or her brother. It is unusual for me to have guests at my personal home.

Heartbreak - Lancefer

Lance had been over the moon to go to that wedding as Miu’s date. Though being on display to her friends and free company had been a tad bit embarrassing. Though the mood had sobered up a bit once they had been alone. Well mostly alone even though one of her drunk friends slept on in the room next to where they had stood.

She had asked after his well being since it had been days since they had last met. He hadn’t wanted to worry her. Hadn’t wanted to admit he had an encounter with Savara. He had been in Camp Dragonhead at the time when Savara made yet another appearance. His wounds had been minor in comparison to those also injured in fending off the dragon. But he had not been able to lie to her. Not to Miu.

Unfortunately his work had kept her from seeing her again for a few days. Thankfully it had been an uneventful few days. No more injuries to report. Those that he had had were fine with a little healing help from Miu the last they were together. However…

He had not expected the wound that was dealt when he met with Miu last night. It was not physical but emotional. She had broken things off between them. His family had gotten between them. Not in a literal sense. But she had been worried about him. Worried about his future if they remained together. She had not also been ready. Seeing her ex-lover at the wedding had reminded her of painful times.

Lance’s fist hit the stone wall. The metal of his gauntlet protecting his hand from more then possibly bruising. He was disappointed and upset about this turn in his life. He heaved a sigh as he leaned against the wall, resting his forehead against the cold stone.

Miu wanted to remain his friend and steadfast ally. She still wanted to help him explore that dreaded place in his mad quest. Still cared about him. Just not in the way he had hoped. But he still had her in his life. They had only dated twice. He had hoped too soon. It was his own fault really. He knew better. But it still stung. Still hurt that his family was part of the reason for what happened last night.
As soon as he was released from duty for the day he went out into the cold frigid air of Coerthas. The air burned his lungs as he took a long walk. He needed to clear his head and his heart.

He would be fine. He knew he would be. He just needed a few days to process all that had happened. He would maintain a friendship with Miu. A ghost of a smile crossing his lips at the thought of her. He’d allow himself a few days to mourn what could have been. Then life would have to continue. He had a job to do. A life to live. A cousin to protect. An a High House to serve. Life would move on as it always did. He would not hide himself away forever. Just a few days. He just needed a few days.

Eleven Questions (2)

1. If your character was allowed to murder one person without any consequences, who would that person be and why?

“Whatever Garlean bastard decided on that fight that took my father’s life. He’s the one person I will never forgive. If I wanted to stain my hands with further blood it would be his.” - Destiney

“No one. I would not murder anyone. Not even because I hate them. Any who die by my blade it is because they deserved it for trying to attack something I am sworn to protect. In which case it is no longer murder.” - Lance

2. If your character had one thing to say to their parents before they died, what would it be?

“I love you and I’m so sorry.” - Destiney (OOC: Mostly in answer to the fact she did lose her father an the last time she saw him she never said good-bye and was angry with her parents.)

“I know you have never really approved of my choices but I do not regret them. I’m sorry that we could never come to an understanding an fix what was lost between us.” - Lance

3. Does your character get restless when things are too quiet or do they favour solitude and silence? Why?

“I favor solitude and silence most of the time. I’m not a fan of crowded places. Though I do also enjoy the noise of the Order. They are lively but they are family.” - Destiney

“The silence makes me restless. It usually comes before an attack. But… Noise can also make it hard to hear what is coming. So it is a bit of a mixed feeling. If I am somewhere safe then the silence can be a bit of a bother.” - Lance

4. Your character has been granted 3 wishes; what would they wish for and why?

“My family to be whole again for certain. The death of my father broke our family apart I feel. Leon to not have passed on so soon. I did not have enough time to appreciate everything he had to offer to me. And I would wish I was a better person. That I didn’t have these moments of such dark thoughts or anger that I hurt those I love with words that are not always meant.” - Destiney

“I would wish my family was not so stuck in ways long past. I want them to realize how foolish it is. I wish I could have saved Lord Choldebaimt at the Steel Vigil. He was a great man and did not deserve the fate he ended up with. An for Miu to be happy no matter what happens. My life will always have an element of danger to it. I don’t want to see her lose that smile if something happens to me.” - Lance

5. How does your character tell someone they love them without words?

“Hugs. They are the best way to say this without words. Without making someone believe I want more from them then their precious presence in my life.” - Destiney

“I find this hard to answer. I guess through my undying loyalty. I have only loved a few ladies in my days. My job has been my love for so long I’m a bit out of touch with the world an acceptable behavior.” - Lance

6. As a child, what did your character think they would be when they grew up?

“I thought I would be like my father. A member of the Gods’ Quiver. However things did not go as planned. Now I’m a healer like my mother. Oh the irony of it.” - Destiney

“I thought I would be a knight like my father and grandfather. I did become just that. However I did not join Dzemael. I chose Haillenarte instead. Not a decision I regret.” - Lance

7. Would your character ever cheat to accomplish something?

“That… Would depend what was at stake. Gambling? Bartering? No. It would have to be life or death to cheat. I don’t find cheating acceptable.” - Destiney

“Never. I am above such behavior.” - Lance

8. What does your character view as their worst personality trait?

“ Neuroticism. My emotions are not always stable. The worst my week is going the more likely I am going to be in very dark places in my emotional state.” - Destiney

“I can be Obsessive. When I find something like the rumors of Lord Chlodebaimt’s spirit… I will not stop till I find out if there is any truth of these rumors.” - Lance

9. What’s something that really repulses them?

“Slimey creatures. Anything slimey in general. Keep it away!” - Destiney

“I refuse to answer…” - Lance (OOC: Actually… I haven’t really picked anything for Lance. XD I probably should.)

10. Which one of the five senses is most important to them?

“Touch. Being able to touch someone an know it is not a dream. That they are real an here.” - Destiney

“Sight. Being able to see. See what might be coming and fight back. Seeing Miu’s smiling face. If I had to live my life in darkness without sight… It would be sad world.” - Lance

11. What was something they struggled with greatly and how did they overcome it?

“I struggled for so long. With the consequences of the things I did when I left Ishgard after five years. I decided my vengeance for what the Garleans had taken from me was worth it. Only to learn how foolish I truly was. I was not ready for the nightmares that haunted me nor the fact I realized later that the people I killed… Should not have been punished for those that had killed my father. They had families and loved ones. I had done to them what had been done to me. I had continued the circle of hate an destruction. I am not sure I will ever truly be over it. But… I have those I love and care about. They support me an keep me strong. With them… I can overcome anything. Maybe even this.” - Destiney

“For days… I would not leave my room. I was so lost. I had been a novice when I joined the troops at Steel Vigil. To be one of those… To survive… The man I admired and wanted to be most like gave his life for us. For us that survived. I was not sure where to turn or what steps to take as I wallowed in my misery. I lost myself for a time. My dreams haunted by the roars of dragons. Eventually I found myself once more. I pledged myself to a purpose. If I was going to idolize Lord Chlodebaimt… Then I could not, would not continue to mope about my room in Ishgard like some sort of child. I was a man an it was time I acted as such. I would do my best to see the family and country he loved so much safe. Help to restore the glory lost when Steel Vigil fell. I would honor that man in my own way.” - Lance

Eleven Questions (1)

1: How did your character meet their best friend?
“I met Chee and Arthur when I first started as a freelance healer working with other adventurers or mercenaries. I think it was in Ul’dah as we all signed up to work with the Immortal Flames. They were a blessing in a world where I felt lost on where to even begin.” - Destiney

“Best friend… I do not have one. Not unless one counts my duty. There are people I speak with but none that I trust deep enough. Though… I guess Lady Miu could be counted as one though what we share I hope is also more then just that.” - Lance

2: What would your character die for?

“The people I love. I wouldn’t give a second thought of sacrificing myself for them. My life isn’t worth the lives of everyone I love and cherish. My husband, my free company, my friends. Everyone of their lives is worth more then mine alone. If I can give back to them the life that was saved so long ago from the brink of death… Then without a doubt my life for theirs.” - Destiney

“My country, my family, Lady Miu. I am a knight an my life is pledged to Ishgard. If they send me to fight and I die then it was my fate. I pray that Halone though would take mercy upon me. I have so much life left to fight with. I am not ready to return to her hallowed halls just yet but if it is what must be done then I will do it willingly.” - Lance

3: What is the cutest thing your character has ever done?

OOC Destiney: Probably being teased endlessly about her obsession with certain types of elezen. She tends to get very shy and blush around them, sometimes stammering or rambling in her embarrassment. Certain people in the FC even go as far as to tease her about butt biting. She hasn’t done such a thing but it often leaves her flustered if there is a cute guy around.

OOC Lance: Oh gawd. His whole relationship with Miu is entirely adorable right now. It makes me happy enough to giggle at this sap. He’s a hopeless romantic. Just watching these two interacting is so damn cute.

4: What is your character’s deepest, darkest secret?

OOC Destiney: I answered something like this in a ask a short while ago. So I’ll try to summarize. She has bad reactions to Garlean bases due to an old incident. An because she is still healing emotionally she has moments of self-destructive tendencies. An she can not fight other people because of her incident. Partly personal choice and partly because she simply can’t make herself do it.

OOC Lance: He won’t willing admit he’s scared for the future. He’s at a very thin edge with his family an the fall honestly scares him. He’d rather face down dragons or heretics then admit how scared he is for what the future holds if his family casts him out.

5: What is the most surprising thing about your character?

OOC Destiney: I had never intended Destiney to be such a emotionally broken mess. I never thought she’d make me cry some days. Quite literally. I wanted her to have a bit of turmoil in her past but it evolved into something a bit darker then originally planned. But for her it works. It just and I can’t explain it. I guess what surprises me most is finding a FC willing to take an deal with her crap an give me such acceptance despite Dest being such an idiot at times. :)

OOC Lance: I had intended Lance to be more… Snobbish and sarcastic. A upper class snob. He turned out completely different then my original vision. He ended up being this loving and caring man with a sort of white knight complex. What surprises me most is just how much he’s changed from my original vision into something so warm and happy. That despite all the darkness that looms over the horizon he still pushes to find the light an goodness. I just want to hug him an try to keep all that darkness from trying to drag him down. He’s almost like a brilliant light of hope.

6: If you could title your character’s life, what would you title it?

OOC Destiney: Darkest Before Dawn. Destiney has moments where she feels so broken and consumed by dark emotions. Yet she always finds a way back out, usually with help from those she loves and cares about. It’s always darkest before the light of dawn chases away the shadows of night. So I found this rather fitting for Destiney.

OOC Lance: Winter’s End. Because he has finally left the cold endless winter of Coerthas. He’s begun to see more of the world beyond those frosted windows. He’s found a woman he likes to refer to as his Summer Sun. At the end of Winter comes Spring, hope for a new beginning. This is Lance’s new beginning. A time where he came finally come into his own.

7: What is their deadly sin?

“Wrath. I can be… fairly vengeful.“ - Destiney

“Pride. I’ve always had a lot of Pride as a knight and as a man. I’m not afraid to admit it.” - Lance

8: What is one question they’ve always wanted an answer to?

“Why was I spared when I wanted to die? I was throwing away my life. I didn’t deserve to be saved.” - Destiney

“Was there something we missed or something we could have done differently to stop the fall of Steel Vigil? It will haunt me till the day I die.” - Lance

9: What would it take to break them, inside and out?

“Being broken once wasn’t enough? … Losing everything I have now. My friends and my family I’ve made. I’ve come so far from that day. If I lost it all now… I don’t think I could find my way out of that darkness again. Leon isn’t here to put me back together again this time.” - Destiney

“… I… Losing Lady Miu or my cousin. Losing my position as a knight for Haillenarte would be devastating yet… If I lost Miu or Destiney I am not sure I would have the strength to walk back into that bleak landscape of Coerthas anymore. How could I keep calling myself a knight knowing I had failed them in some way.” - Lance

10: Where are they ticklish?

“Excuse me?! Keep your hands away from my sides! Unless you wish to be smacked in the head with a book!” - Destiney

“Uh… M-my under arms. I do not want to hurt you. I’d suggest keeping your hands to yourself.” - Lance

11: Would you want to hang out with your character?

OOC: HAHAHA. I hang out with them in my head all the time! :P They’re parts of me. ^^/ I have a small group of characters spending time in the back of my head at all times. Destiney and Lance are always among them now. Welcomed with open arms by the others. Welcome to the insane asylum of my mind.

Thoughts - Lancefer

Lance felt like he was walking on air as he went to his next day of duty in Skyfire Locks. He may not have been able to find his cousin but his day with Miu had been nothing short of perfect.

Finding his cousin still worried his mind though. The few days he had shadowed her before his date had left him troubled. She had seemed so… Disturbed. There just had not been the usual mood about her. She had seemed so detached an almost… Broken. This was not the cousin he had gotten used to spying on. Something was clearly wrong.

He tried to keep his thoughts on Miu as he worked. He had kissed the girl for crying out loud. Even more that she had kissed him back! But slowly his thoughts became troubled with other problems. If his family found out about his affections for the small miqo’te woman… They would surely cast him out. Even if he was no longer heir to the family name he had still been expected to marry well an carry on the family name. This would not be the kind of woman they expected him to end up with.

A frown creased his brow as he looked out over the winter landscape of Coerthas. How was he to keep protecting both ladies? He had to find a way to keep all the truths hidden behind lies to his family.

He had to find his cousin as soon as he could. He was worried for her. He had tried last night to find her with no success. His cousin apparently did not want to be found. Not that he had had much luck finding Raiden either. He still wanted to seek Raiden for training or at least to challenge the man in hopes of strengthening himself. Things around the Order’s house had been so… Subdued feeling. Something had happened. Something bad.

Now he just had to wait for his duty to end for the day. He would try again. Destiney was out there somewhere. Hopefully whatever was going on would pass if he could not. Miu had told him to speak with Destiney. He was done hiding in the shadows.

A heavy sigh as he looked away from the snow. He was worried for his future and the future of his cousin. His future with Miu. But he could not be afraid. He had to keep fighting. No more hiding in shadows. It was time to be open and honest. It was time to confront the monster head on.

A small smile as he thought again on that day with Miu by the waterfall. Together with her. She was his strength right now. He would get through anything and everything as long as he had her. She was his summer sun in the never ending winter of his life.

Just like a rose. Together they had something beautiful but he was the thorns protecting the beauty an joy that was Miu, the rose.

Journal Entry 31 - Destiney

Am I really so fragile? Am I truly like broken glass? I overheard Dusk’s words as I lingered near the stairs after changing my clothes to head to the Shroud in hopes of finding Basteaux. I wanted to run upstairs an claim I was not glass! But… Maybe I am…

I must be so broken an be the only one who can not see it. How could I feel nothing about ten dead children! Ten! I felt numb and empty. Yet… I was so near to being sick watching the rest of the Order kill the bandits responsible. I spent the better part of two days wandering about wondering why I felt so little. Was I really so broken I could feel so little about dead children? That I could find no rage. That I could find no killing calm towards those responsible. Had I shattered myself so badly that day outside Occidens that I could no longer find that rage an anger for such a tragedy?

I thought I was going to be okay. I thought I could be strong an help those who needed it. I thought I could repay the kindness I have received ever since joining the Order. I told Rhisi I was fine. That I could find no rage like everyone else could. She hoped I would never find it again. I thought I was fine. But time only made me doubt myself.

I found Leera outside the house a few days ago. I was cautious at first as I usually am. I know what the others think of him. I know I can never fully trust him. But… He seemed like he was actually sorry about the whole incident. I found myself drawn towards him like a moth to a flame.

When Felix showed… I said words I should never had said. I felt as if a slap to my face would have been less painful or even a sword to the gut… He thought… I was stupid for wanting to be around Leera. Even though he was the one who first left me alone with him! Even though he never once thought to ask if I was okay after finding out the truth about Leera in person! He claims Leera is a monster an only wants to kill certain members of the Order… Yet… I see more to the man then that. I can see some shred of good in him. I want to believe that maybe there is a chance he can be something more.

Dusk had happened by during our exchange of words. She called my behavior childish… Maybe… I think I had a right to my feelings. I felt so raw and hurt. I felt so… Alone. I wanted to curl into a ball an wish the world away. I threw words at her. I told her how I felt. Blamed things on those that made me feel as if… as if… I was not a person. I blamed Oni and his treating Daisy and I as snacks. I blamed Aimee an her lack of making sure I knew my job as a healer for the Order. I blamed Felix for thinking less of me. I blamed everyone but my weak self at the time…

As she left I noticed Leera had left a linkpearl near me when he had left. I grabbed it an held it tight. I felt… Defiant. Hurt and defiant. I wanted to prove them wrong. Prove to them that maybe there was a shred of humanity inside the man they thought of as a monster. That even as fragile as I can be in their eyes… I can still be strong in different ways. Continue to reforge the broken parts of myself as I had been. I had been doing so well…

It was after that exchange that I had gone out with my bow. I was still feeling so raw an hurt. I figured a few drinks with Basteaux an forgetting the world was in order. Instead all I found was more pain. This time physical. I was forced to flee from some bandits as I was lacking care as I traveled through the woods. Somewhere along the line I had fallen. Tried to stop my fall with my bow hand. I know the wrist is sprained. And… I do not care. I welcomed the pain. Once I was safe I took the time to wrap my wrist and hand. Not well since I was doing it with only one hand.

I’m still so… Mixed. So hurt an sad. I don’t want to bother Rhisi. I don’t want to bother anyone. I just… I’m not sure what I want. I have avoided the hall since that night. I’ve avoided all contact with the rest of the Order. I’m… not sure… What I am going to do come tomorrow… I should be there for the mission… But… I just do not know… Twelve help me… Maybe I should use that linkpearl Leera left me… Is this a mistake? Should I have not picked it up at all? Maybe I should just let myself believe what they say about him instead… Is it really wrong of me to want to think that maybe Leera might change for the better with the right influences? I won’t know without trying… It could mean my death… It could mean more pain… I should be afraid… But I’m not…