Saturday, October 22, 2016

Journal Entry 28 - Destiney

The beach night was at Costa this week. It was not a bad night. Nor was it overly memorable. Well not as much compared to some of the others things that happened this past week.

I spent the night talking with Nate and Chloe mainly. Though Oni left a note with me before he left. Saying we needed to speak so I could give my report on the work Tara an I were supposed to have done. I put the note away and continued to converse with people present. I would worry about it later. The reports had waited this long anyways.

It was at dinner the next night that Oni decided it was a good time to pull me aside for those reports. I left Nate to speak with Rhisi about joining us for some work. We headed off to my room where I left my papers an the armband I needed to give to Oni.

I gave him my report. An gods be damned if I did not feel like I had somehow kicked a small cute creature after Oni had left. He was… So quiet. So unlike himself. Well unlike what I had grown used to knowing. I felt like I had surely done something bad. I returned to join those that remained at the table. Oni’s silence was unnerving at the very least. I wanted to scream an demand to know what I had done. All I had done was give my report as he had asked.

I had promised Nate a reading after dinner. Most of the others had wandered off for the night. An I needed a distraction from the fact that Oni was behaving like that. So we headed downstairs so I could use the table down there for the reading. The table that was setup for Triad was a good place to work with the cards. It all started out well as I used the Trinity spread. It was not until the third an final card that I became worried. It was a warning of sorts. At least from the way I was interpreting the meanings. I am still learning after all. It called for vigilance. That some quest ahead would be dangerous for him. I hoped the warning was not needed. But I asked Nate to promise me he would be careful an ask for my help if he needed it.

I was busy most of the next day with work of my own. Well most of the day. I might have set outside of the yard hiding behind the fence later that evening. Aimee and Oni were in the yard. As was Tara who had just gotten back home from helping her family with the harvest. I was sort of snooping, still curious what was going on with Oni an not wanting to outright confront him. Eventually Nate arrived an nearly gave away my position. Thankfully though Oni left with Aimee and Quarcy to head to Ishgard. They were off to investigate some leads.

I joined Chee for a short while before the mid-week mission. We did a little catching up on the things that had been happening in our lives. We enjoyed some drinks for a Lady’s Night at the Last Bell. Sadly too soon I had to say goodnight to Chee. Rhisi had given us the call to begin heading to the house for the mission.

Our next mission was back out in Southern Thanalan again. Nate joined us as a guest. Apparently there were more shepherds then the one we helped. We were looking for something to help remove petrification. Hopefully it would be something more effective then Dusk an my attempt before. That was a bit too much for two people to have to do repeatedly. We found something worth trying an took it back to the two groups, one of shepherds an one of sheep. I still do not understand why these silly shepherds even decided it was a good idea to try an do what they do in Southern Thanalan of all places.

My mind was on anything but the mission of course. Between Oni’s behavior and the reading I did for Nate. I felt like I was ready to jump at every shadow. I was worried something could happen. Worried out reaper friend would choose to attack again. I excused myself early from the half of the team I was working with. My mind was just not focused. I returned to the house.

Raiden was there. As well as Rhisi, Konner, and a guest. I hated asked Raiden for a moment of his time with a guest present but I really needed to at least get something off my mind. I asked him an we went to my room to speak privately. Of course he had to bring a cake with him which he decided to snack on.

I finally asked Raiden to tell me what I did to Oni. I -needed- to know. It was driving me mad. Apparently Oni thought I no longer wished to be his friend based on my behavior towards him. I was… Mad. Confused. Frustrated. Never once did I want to hate Oni. Oni is… different and frustrating. But I could never really hate him. Even if he says things he did not clearly mean. I assumed his words meant one thing when they meant something else. To be honest his words were not exactly clear either. Raiden does not think we need to apologize to each other though. I guess I need to work on my people skills…

Though I did steal a slice of that cake from Raiden’s hand towards the end of our conversation. I could no longer resist the temptation he was holding. Of course then I made a comment that he probably enjoyed me making Oni into a mummy. Which lead to him making a comment of … No I am not writing those words. I thought for sure I might melt alone hearing that comment. I bid him goodnight an pushed him towards the door before he could add more comments of that type.

I was late coming home the next night. I had a bit of work to do. I arrived to quite the mess. Chocolate spatters, shirtless men, and a partially damaged cake dragon. Apparently it was Raiden’s nameday. An I did not know so I did not have a gift for him.

Somehow the conversation lead to my lost bet to Felix. Great. Now Raiden knows. Let the endless harassment begin. Eventually a guest arrived. She commented on Raiden and I. It is not a courtship ritual! Raiden and I are not like that… I don’t think we are… I think he just enjoys leaving me flustered and blushing. Then Raiden just had to lean in an add something to me privately. Twelve save me… He made the comment from the night before worse… I wished I could just disappear.

I used the chance of Raiden being distracted by Anais to disappear up the stairs. I needed a drink. Badly. Nate was up there at the bar an I had almost totally missed the fact he was there because of the addled state I was in. We spoke for a bit. He finally opened up to me a bit. I was happy to listen, to understand him better. We’ve both lost people. We both don’t want to lose anyone else. I think together we can make sure not to let that happen. Not alone. That is one of the things I always hear repeated among those of this company. Not Alone. None of us here are ever truly alone. Not as long as we have each other.

Not alone. It’s been a long time since I could ever truly appreciate those words. Being here.. Among those of the Order… It’s been a much needed balm. My friends of ‘The Outsiders’ gave me purpose an the needed push to keep moving forward. The Order has given me what I’ve long needed to begin to truly heal. I wanted to hold Nate’s hand an never let go. He has become such a precious friend to me. Just as the rest of the Order. I won’t let anything happen. Not to any of them. No matter how frustrating and confusing they can be at times. They are my family.

Anyways! Our mission last evening took us back out to Southern Thanalan again. More dealings with the shepherds and looking for answers on what was going on. Apparently the golems were not behaving properly over towards Qarn. Half the team went to check with the nearby beast tribe. I was with the other half dealing with the golems. We gathered up golem cores to try an figure out what was going on with them when Dusk’s attempt to reason with them went unheeded. I brought samples with us back to the house. The aether of the area was too turbulent to be able to figure anything out from there. But it sounds like we will soon be making a trip down into Qarn.

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