Scattered

(Post for Alex. Read at your own risk on this one. Last night was rough for him so he’s not in the best of places right now.)


Alex paced about his apartment. The letters had been delivered to Yuti and L’ania. Last night’s events though? They still played in his mind as fresh as ever.
That man… He’d called him a mutt. A sheepdog.

Shattering of glass against the wall as Alex threw a bottle. Fists clenched at his side. A silent snarl on his face. Turning to swipe all the stuff off the table near him in a fit of rage before flipping the table as well.

And he had taken the blame for the kill. Tried to at least. If anyone was to be hated in this matter… He was willing to be the one. So many hated him already. What was one more to the number.

He thumped his back against the wall. Sliding down to sit on the floor. Knees bent and his head hung as he put his hands to his forehead. Teeth gritted as he gripped his fingers into his hair that had come loose from his usual style he wore.

L’ania… Her condition when they’d arrived… It reminded him of the things Jacques would do to victims. Of what Jacques had done to him. The pain and the misery. The despair. To see someone as innocent as L’ania like that… He’d dipped down deep into the darkness. To both fight and hide his own pain. For L’ania. For himself. Reveled in the blood of his enemy.

Took a beating himself. Had his face burned in an attempt to both fight and free Yuti. To take the focus of their enemy onto himself. Fingers lightly touching the edges of the cloth on his face. Toka had healed the worst of the damage. There wouldn’t be any permanent scarring but the skin still needed time to heal the rest of the way.

Still… The insults the man hurled at him in such short simple words…

“I’m not a mutt…” Alex muttered softly. “Not a sheepdog…”

Fist thudding against the wall as he threw an arm out to the side. Was he really going soft? Was this all because he’d let himself join House Rillek for Kohina’s sake?

He hadn’t gone home to Koh this time. Couldn’t face her… Wasn’t sure of anything anymore. His life was so scattered and confusing. What way was up? Which way was down? Was he really a sheepdog now rather then a jackal? He’d picked another fight and lost again. How could he even think he could protect Kohina… He felt like such a fool.

“Kohina… I’m so sorry…”