It was all over. He was going to die here. Die like a mongrel. There was no one to save him. No one except Aeri. But how would she find him before it was too late? He was doomed to a slow and painful death.
He was in so much pain. Barely able to even rest for a moment. Only when Jacques let unconsciousness claim him for a few hours did he get to rest. His throat felt raw and savaged from the roaring and screaming. He hadn’t been able to hold back against the pain anymore.
Weakness… He had let himself be weak for a knight of Ishgard. Lancefer…
He was the only one who ever saw me as something other then a monster back then. Someone who saw the damaged boy beneath the armor. Saw my scars as the story of my survival from hell…
Stay away from him. He’s a freak. Some day he’ll find himself witchdropped. Monster! Savage! Mongrel!
He could still hear the words spat at him over the years. Cold crimson eyes watching people warily. He spat the blood from his mouth onto the ground as he sat huddled in a corner against the cold air. He had won the fight but he’d taken one hell of a beating in the process. Jacques wasn’t going to be pleased. So he was lingering. Not wanting to return for a beating for being so stupid and careless.
That hand that reached out to me. The haunted sky blue eyes that seared me. He didn’t back down when I growled at him to go away. Instead all that stupid fool did was help me. Tended to my injuries without asking a damned thing. Despite how wrecked he still was from the fall of the Vigil. It didn’t seem to bother him one damn bit to help a monster like me.
Alex snarled as a shadow fell over him.
“Why are you helping me?” Alex asked with a defensive tone as he kept a cautious eye on Lancefer while bandaging Alex’s wounds.
“Because I see someone who needs help.” Lance’s tone was almost as hallow as the look in his eyes. The look of someone who had seen too much far too soon. Suffered and was broken by the enemy.Something about him called to me. Was it because to him I wasn’t a monster? Because he saw past the mask? Through the cold words of others that I used like an armor to protect myself? To care about people was a weakness. To let others care about myself was just as bad. I was never wanted before. Why would anyone care now after all these years? Yet he did. Stupid Rose Knight…
Alex screamed as agony ripped through him. Scattering his thoughts to the wind. To endure this was going to drive him into madness. If he survived long enough for Aeri to find him. Still… Jacques was going to kill Lancefer anyways. It was all his fault. All because of him. Lance would die because of his stupidity.
Lancefer… I’m so sorry I ever got you involved in my hell..
Alex laughed as he ducked a swing and landed a fist to the man’s gut. Staggering back to bump into Lance’s back. He grinned like a madman as he realized who was at his back. Side by side. Back to back. Alex had picked the fight yet Lance had still stuck by his side to fight with him against the group of thugs. Yet the fighting seemed to bring a spark to Lance’s haunted eyes. Something about standing with Alex in these insane moments seemed to bring a spark back to the boy.
Later they would sit on the wall in the freezing cold. Drinks in hand and bandages wrapped around injuries. A smoke in their free hand. It had taken him time to convince Lance to relax and enjoy the drugs with him. But eventually the boy had relented. Perhaps because it was an escape from the mental torment they both suffered.
He could see the boy didn’t sleep well. The smudges beneath his eyes told Alex just how well the boy slept. Probably plagued by nightmares from the Vigil’s fall.
“Living is hard. Dying is easy. You give up an you’re weak. So fight an prove them wrong. Don’t let the demons win.” Alex says before taking a long drag on his smoke. “Besides I plan to live as long as I can just to give people hell.”Thirty one summers… Only half his life lived. He was going to die at his mentor’s hand. It wasn’t enough. Not nearly enough. Screw the gods and their lack of care for him. All his life had been one struggle after another. The gods didn’t exist. Or they watched life treat him cruelly over and over again for their amusement.
Watching you that day… Watching our friendship die… I thought I had protected you… The only person who saw me for me. Instead of the monster that I had been made to become to survive… I failed… I failed so hard…
Alex fought back the urge to cry for the first time since he was a child. Why had Halone forsaken him like this?! The pain was getting to his head. He knew his body was having a hard time coping. So much blood loss… If he survived… Would there be anything left worth saving? Would he ever hold a weapon again? Maybe it was just the feverish feeling he felt that was driving him slowly mad. Was this how most of his mentor’s victims felt before their minds broke? He didn’t know… He felt disoriented and jumbled. His thoughts kept drifting. It was the only thing keeping him from succumbing fully. Thoughts of the only people who ever gave a damn about the monster he was.
Not that you care anymore Lancefer… I made sure to shatter everything into irreparable pieces… Just to try and keep you safe. From both Jacques… And myself… We were from two separate worlds… We should have never been friends. There was no way a friendship between us could have ended well. So I betrayed you to save you… I made you hate me. The first and only person at that time who even cared if I lived or died. I plastered on that cocky grin and shattered everything as I killed those knights. It was my job… An I did it in front of you just so you could see the true monster. To realize we could never be friends. It killed me to watch what we had die… To return to being alone in the world. But I knew it had to be done. You were a knight and an upper class kid. I was a mongrel and hated. I would end up dead in a gutter or at the bottom of the witch drop… There was no place for someone like you in my world.
Yet he had found acceptance and care in the least likely of places years later. He knew he wasn’t lucky enough to score a beauty like Aeri so easily. That she wouldn’t buddy up to him without some hidden agenda. Which was true. She was working for Soren to get information from him. Yet something about her called to him. Even when she was betraying him. He should have hated her. Should have tried to kill her. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to do so.
Instead I hide my feelings for her. I wanted her with something more then desire. I felt like I had found someone who understood me. I wanted to claim her but she was a wild and free spirit. I could never claim something as strong as her. Not for myself. It was too late once I finally realized I wanted to love her. She had already fallen for Rath. I was too little too late. Always too late… All I could do was watch her. The same with Toka. I wanted to care but I kept my distance. They cared what happened to me. I cared about them. But still I kept myself apart. I didn’t want to drag them into my personal hell.
Yet Aeri was resilient. She still cared.Even when I tried to push her away because of Jacques. Even though she had Rath. Didn’t give me up as a lost cause after all this time. Pulled me back together after Soren wounded my pride. Gave me a reason to want more for my life.
Yet look where I ended up… Strapped to a chair… Tortured by my old mentor… I’m a sorry piece of shit… Yeah… It was better I never got a chance to make her love me. I couldn’t even keep my promise to her. So much for not being stupid…
He felt something splinter. Groaned in agony as stars swam before his vision. “Aeri… I-I’m s-sorry…” He could barely mumble the words through the haze of pain and blood. Didn’t flinch as Jacques lifted his head up by his hair. All he could do was pray for an end of the pain. For something to finally end this suffering.
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