If I Break (Backstory - Destiney)

(Part 1! in Destiney's backstory. This is set right before the Calamity an through the five years till when ARR begins. The second part will pick up at ARR when its finished.)

Destiney hated it. Hated it all as she rode in the chocobo led wagon away from home in the quiet forests of the Shroud an through the Highlands of Coerthas. She glared up in anger at the falling moon. Dalamund people had called it.

Her brother was still missing yet her parents were sending her away. Her hands clenched in her lap where they rested. They had said they wanted her to go remain with her Aunt and Uncle in Ishgard until things calmed back down. A nation plagued by dragons and heretics… She felt like they were sending her away from one danger into another different danger. Either way she was unsafe. Either way it was not helping to find her missing sibling. But for her parents Ishgard was a nation outside of the war against the Garleans.

If it had not been the look in her mother’s eyes… It was only that look that had silenced her an kept her from running out on her own with just her bow in hand. The pain in those eyes. Not knowing where one of your own children was while danger pressed ever closer. Seeing that staff in her mother’s gentle hands… She did not have the heart to continue her argument with her father about remaining. Or even make the suggestion that she was old enough to fight if she was old enough to start training for the Gods’ Quiver. She was nearly sixteen now.

She was so angry an hurting. How could Tak just leave her behind without a word? How could her parents just send her away? She scrubbed the back of her one hand across her face, unsure of when she had started to silently cry.

“We’re almost to the Gates, Miss.”

Destiney didn’t respond to the driver. However she did look up an away towards the towering city in the near distance. The Holy See of Ishgard rose up in the air, looking as if it was trying to touch the clouds above. She had no idea how her parents had gotten her entrance into a city that had locked itself away from the rest of Eorzea. Or if even she would like the family she was to be staying with. Dekkarra had sworn he would stay in touch an maybe find a way to come see her. It was one small bright light in the darkness that was becoming her life.

Destiney gathered her belonging from the wagon upon arrival at the gates. Not even a thank you to the driver. She handed the folded an wax sealed letter to a guard at the gates.

“What do we have here?” He asked as he took a look at the wax seal before opening the letter. “Aurifore huh? Wait here.”

She watched in her silent scowling expression as the guard stepped inside the gate to check on whatever the letter had pertained. She had never heard of the Aurifore name before but then again she did not even know any of her relatives from her mother’s side of the family.

“You can enter. Do not let me catch you causing problems.” the guard warned as he came back an allowed Destiney to enter.

“Whatever.” Destiney grumbled as she picked her bag back up an walked through the gate with a guard following close behind her. The guard had left her once she had reached the city itself. The was light of day was fading fast an she had no clue where she was going. She could feel the stares some of the passerbys were giving her in her glade tunic an pants. She looked completely out of place among the people of Ishgard. She felt like they were probably considering her to be some foreign bastard who found a way to slip through the cracks.

“Destiney?” asked a gruff male voice.

“Who wants to know?” Destiney said with irritation as she looked an found an raven haired armored man, probably only a few years older then her father. The scowl on his face the his whole stance gave the impression of someone who had no tolerance for children. Let alone teenagers. He looked every inch like he did not want to be the one here to claim her.

“You will speak with more respect to your elders. Especially those who you will be staying with. Honestly. I have no idea why she agreed to take a half-breed bastard in anyways.” he said with disgust in his voice.

Destiney bristled at his calling her some half-breed bastard. She clenched her fists an glared at the man in his Ishgardian knight chainmail. It was so very hard to bite her tongue an not reach for the bow she had refused to leave behind at home. If only she could silence his biting tone.

“Nothing to say? Good. Keep up or stay in the Brume with the rest of the scum.” he said as he turned an began to walk without a care of whether she followed or not.

She followed him in tense silence, resisting the urge to put an arrow in his back. Being put in jail her first night here was probably the worst possible decision she could make. There was no way she could tell how the trials worked or even the justice system at all in Ishgard. For all she knew they could be entirely different then Gridania. Not that Gridania would take shooting someone with an arrow lightly when it was just in anger. Especially since it would be over an insult. Her father would have scolded her an told her to ignore such jabs. To be the bigger person an let the insults slide off like rain over metal.

The house they arrived at was not lush or ornate. It was a simple house but obviously cared for. The man watched her with wary eyes as he opened the door an stood there waiting for her to enter. Destiney just returned his glare for a few moments of silence.

“Lance is that you?” called a mellow woman’s voice from within.

“Yes. I brought the child you mentioned was arriving.” the man replied as he looked towards the inside of the house.

“Destiney? She made it finally?” the woman speaking appeared. She had the same orchard brown hair an hazel eyes her mother had. There was even a resemblance in her face to that of her mother. She rushed over an wrapped her arms around Destiney. “Oh my child. It is good to see you have arrived safely.” She removed her arms from a now tense Destiney. This woman was studying her face an the confusion in her gaze. “Well now… I don’t supposed that sister of mine has said much on me has she. No I doubt she has. Come inside.”

Destiney followed her aunt inside the house in silence. The interior was warm an inviting. A fire was burning merrily in the hearth. Beside it sat a pair of chairs and a small table meant to hold snacks for those sitting near the flames.

“I have to get back to work now, Kat. I will be home late tonight.”

“May Halone watch over you, love.” her aunt replied to the knight who had led her here, obvious to her by now he was her uncle by the exchange between the pair.

Destiney chose to sit down in one of the cushioned chairs by the fire, watching her aunt with wary eyes. Her aunt stepped out of the room for a moment with a brief mention of getting snacks. She returned shortly with a tray containing tea for two an some small sandwhichs. Destiney felt her stomach rumble as she had not eaten much on the long journey from Gridania to Ishgard.

“Please. Eat. I am your mother’s sister Katrienne. You are welcome to call me Aunt Katy.” Her aunt sits down in the chair opposite of her, watching her all the while with a warm smile on her face. “How I wish Halone would have blessed us with a child as beautiful as my sister’s. You look so much like your mother. But I can also see some of your father in you. Those blue eyes… Not an Aurifore trait for sure.”

“Aunt Katy…” Destiney tries the unfamiliar words over her tongue. “Who are the Aurifore?”

“Well now. That would be the name of the family your mother an I were born into. A name your mother gave up the day she departed from Ishgard. Father was none too pleased an he disowned her. I think they were both entirely too bull headed about the whole ordeal.” Aunt Katy says as she picks up one of the tea cups from the tray. “It is not a name of one of the four houses here in Ishgard but your grandfather an his father before him has made quite a name for the family.”

“I want to go home.”

“Home? I’m afraid that is not possible at this time, dear.” Aunt Katy replies with a frown. “Your mother asked me to care for you until it is safe enough to send you home once more. Until all this nasty business with the Garleans has been cleared up… I am afraid this is your home until then.”

The rest of the evening passed in silence. A few times her aunt tried to strike up conversation again with her. Only for silence to once more claim the air between them. Destiney stared at the dancing flames of the fireplace, only vaguely recalling eating an drinking what had been offered. Her mind was still on what she had left behind.

Why was she being carted away towards what her parents thought as safety while others were forced to endure. Why was she so special… If only she could have remained to fight. Or at least allowed to remain to search for her missing brother.

Her sleep was restless as she tossed an turned that first night in a strange place an a bed she did not know. So far away from everything she had ever known.

*~*

Destiney was going through the motions of living here in Ishgard. Her aunt had provided her with new clothes, ones more befitting a member of Ishgard society. Her aunt had even gone as far as to bring her books to read. There was however no where she could go to pratice with her bow. Her uncle had been less then pleased with the idea of her using a bow an waved her off as if she was nothing more then an insect. Still people gave her strange stares, heard the whispered rumors. Not like she wanted to make friends anyways. All she had to do was wait for her parents to send for her. She did not need these people or this life. Surely her parents would send for her soon.

Word did soon arrive. Along with the whispers of what happened at Cherteneau Flatts. The rage of an elder primal. The weather had been getting worse since the days of the battle, delaying the messages to Ishgard.

Destiney rushed home towards her aunt an uncle’s house. Surely there was now word that her parents wanted her home. She burst through the door an skidded to a halt. Her aunt was holding a letter in her hands, a sorrowful expression upon her face. Her uncle knelt beside where she sat in a chair, a comforting hand on his wife’s shoulder.

“What does the letter say?” Destiney asked, her voice so low, her heart clenching in fear. That expression on her aunt’s face twisted a dagger in her chest. Something was wrong. So very wrong.

“Destiney… Darling…” her aunt said softly as she got up from the chair to walk over an wrap her arms around her neice. “You father…”

Destiney broke away from her aunt’s arms. Her face was a mix of disbelief an horror. Her father? Curse the Twelve! If anything had happened to her family… She did not want to hear the next words her aunt spoke. Her knees gave out on her as she crashed to the floor. She felt like silence was swallowing her world. Eventually that silence gave birth to sound. It was the keening that broke the silence. Her world was breaking apart beneath her. She screamed an raged as her aunt tried to console her broke heart until both her voice an body could take no more. In silence she cried herself to sleep within her aunt’s embrace.

*~*

The days became a blur. Rarely did she even attempt to get out of bed. Her eyes merely gazed out the window at the snowflakes that had begun to fall upon Ishgard. Her father was gone from this world. An she was not even able to return home for the funeral. Still trapped in this miserable city, her world having come undone. She had no desire to climb out of bed. Only did her aunt or uncle make her get out of bed on occasion to at least bath an eat. Most times her aunt brought in a tray of food an asked quietly that she at least make an attempt to eat something.

However things changed. Slowly an painfully. But there was at least one light within the darkness that had become her heart.

Somehow her aunt or uncle had managed to pull some strings. Dekkarrra crouched beside her bed as she rolled over to look at who had come in this time. At first she thought he was a mere illusion conjured up by her hopeless heart to give her more reason to despair. But his hand was warm over her own. It felt so real but she was so afraid to move or say anything. Afraid it would all shatter away as if a dream. The smile on his face was gentle but his eyes were filled with sorrow. She probably looked horrible to him. Spending all her days in bed an barely eating.

“Destiney…” he said her name softly but full of love an concern.

“Dekkarra…” her voice cracked, so used to sitting in the silence with only her dark thoughts to keep her company.

“You’ve… Your aunt…” he sighed as he tried to find the words he was searching for as he held her hand within his. “She said you’ve been locking yourself away. She’s worried about you. I’m worried about you.”

“Why should I care? My life…” tears welled up in her eyes as she thought of how much upheaval she had suffered in such a short time.

“Your life is not over yet. What would your father think if he saw you like this?” he asked softly as one of his hands caressed her cheek. “You’re letting yourself become a ghost.”

His words stung her heart. She knew them to be true. If her father had seen her wasting away like this over sorrow… He would have punished her with extra training until her fingers bled from pulling the bowstring so much. But there was still so much despair in her heart an soul she could barely bring herself to move. Her fingers gripped the hand holding hers. How was she supposed to find her way back from the darkness?

“I…”

“The Destiney I know an love is stronger then this. I did not fall for a princess, I fell for someone with fire in her veins an a spirit full of life. Someone who is strong enough to overcome this an allow it to temper her into something stronger. We are not adults yet… But I know you are going to be something great when you manage to pull yourself back to your feet again. Because that is the girl I fell in love with. She is every inch a fighter like her parents.”

Tears trailed down her cheeks in silent paths. His hand gently wiped them away, his eyes steady an full of love. She would never understand what he saw in her. A girl who wanted to fight an protect at one time before her world had fallen apart. Yet… He was still like a missing piece of her soul. Just being near him again… It was a shard of light within the darkness. Something for her to grasp an hold onto with all her might.

“I can not stay for long. I begin my training to become a healer soon. But… I will write to you an return when I am able. Please, Destiney. Do not give up. Come back stronger from this. I need you.” he said softly as he leaned over her to kiss her forehead softly.

She could barely find the words to say as she watched him turn to leave. She wanted to reach out for him. To beg him to stay. Somewhere deep inside though the embers of herself were kindled by his presence. By his unwavering love for her.

*~*

Destiney slowly began to make her way back into life. So long spent abed had left her weak. Her father would have endlessly lectured her about letting herself go so badly. Overtime she found a quiet place down around the Brume to build her strength back to where it once was. In silence with nothing but her thoughts. The look upon her face was enough to deter most into leaving her along. That an possibly ending up with an arrow to the gut. When she wasn’t pulling the strings of her bow, she was running. Feeling the sting in both her lungs an her skin from the cold.

Her thoughts turned to the Garleans. Everything was their fault. Her father… Her happy life… She would find that lost fire an blaze it bright. She would get her revenge on the people who had murdered her father. Those that had snuffed out a bright star in her life. They would pay.

Her books an such that her aunt continued to provide were a distraction. One that was welcome after a day outside strengthening her body again in the now frigid air. She found she loved some of the stories. They were an escape from the world. At least when they were novels. She found she preferred the stories containing heroes or romance.

This was how her days in Ishgard would be spent. At least until the day she would depart once more for the world outside those sealed gates.

Journal Entry 7 - Destiney

I’m not sure how to feel right now. I know it has only been days since the last time I wrote in here. An I was not feeling particularly… Light-hearted after the end of my last entry. But last night… Was much needed in helping me lift my spirits.

Though before I get to that part of the day. I did finally set up a room at the Order’s house. I figured it was a good idea. In case I have any more nights where I end up drinking an am not sure if it is wise to walk home. As well as it gives me a place to keep clothes an books as needed. Not that walking back an forth between the Order house an my own home is that bad. Just saves time. Chee aided me in getting the room setup. We even added an extra bed in case Chee needed a place to crash while visiting. I finished not long before the gathering. So I went almost as soon as I was done.

I joined the others at Bronze Lake last night for our weekly gathering. When I got there is was just members of the Order. I took a seat in the waters near Dusk and Kagato. Lady had insisted on tagging along. She has been rather… Insistent since the other night. Kagato was just beginning to tell a story of why he is not comfortable in Gridania.

I however was very much distracted. An reminded once more of the other evening. Frost showed up an I noticed Aimee dragging him over to a nearby part of the waters. Of course I could not help but notice his bandages once he removed his shirt. I… very much wanted to go over an see about his well being. But… He had Aimee there. He was in good hands. She would understand more then I would anyways for those involved in the experiments.

Needless to say I felt… Inadequate. For all my experience as an adventurer… I was still so inexperienced as well. As well as Lady was being so overly pestering. I think she knew I was feeling a bit down. So as the waters cleared of a few people I went over to sit near Kagato an join him for a drink. He seemed quiet an distracted as much as myself. We got to speaking an mention might have been made of things that happened the week before at Forgotten Springs. An Oni might have heard us. I swear Oni an Raiden have superior hearing…

Oni eventually, though tired, made his way over to us. I was pretty much trapped with my back to a wall. Well more like a railing an plants. But still very much the same, trapped. I could not even maneuver past him to escape away in the water where he might not follow. Just when I thought I was doomed to the same fate as Felix… Aimee did something to stun Oni for a few moments. So I took my chance to slip past him towards the waters where Aimee and Frost were.

An slipped… On water… My footing was already not as steady an sure since I had had a glass of wine. So I found myself on my butt rather ungracefully, still a good distance from safety. I thought for sure I was doomed to be licked by Oni as I sat there.

The next thing I knew… There was a hand reaching out to me. For a moment I could not breath as I looked up to see Frost looking down at me. I thought my heart might stop in my surprise. I took his hand an allowed him to help me to stand. Though the moment was so very brief… I couldn’t help but desire more. Argh! Why must I have such a weakness for men like Raiden and Frost… Of course all I could think of was to thank him for his aid. Well… At least I did thank him though I wish I could have managed more then just that. As cold an anti-social as he can be… I still want to try. I still want to attempt a friendship with him. As I’ve heard it said before, still waters run deep.

I think… I felt much better after the night ended. Much better then I had when the night began at the very least.

Journal Entry 6 - Destiney

It seems almost like a weekly ritual at this point to write in this journal after the beach gathering. However I am a few days early this time. I could not wait a few more days before writing here again. I have my reasons which I plan to write of course. I have a need to voice my feelings privately right now.

Dinner at the start of the week was pleasant enough. Though I painfully admit I do not recall much of what happened. Well other then Shaleth needing medical attention upstairs before dinner. However he did manage to lose his voice despite how I tried to help him. At least I was able to remove the pain he was feeling otherwise with some healing magic.

I seem to have a trend this week though. I can not recall when some of these events occurred. I know they occurred through the week but some of the days are just a blur. Not because they were busy. I can not say why so much of what happened has been so blurred. I hope it is not a sign that I am getting ill or something worse. I feel fine so maybe it is just a simple slip of the mind. I do have a lot on my mind of course. So it is very possible my problem is just too much going on that I can not process everything properly.

I did learn this week why Kagato wears an eye-patch. As well as why he seems to drink so heavily or hides behind a jovial mask. But I do not know if it is my place to say anything about his problems an my opinion is just that. An opinion. I can not say if what I believe is accurate. Only he could say if it is. So for now I shall keep my thoughts to myself or this journal. Though if he wishes for someone to speak to… I would be open to listening. My problems were no where in the same league as his are now but… I do remember the darkness of my own heart from those days past.

Rhisi took us out a few days ago to the North Shroud. We had a task to try an calm down some of the problems occurring near Fallgourd Float. Apparently the Dallahan were being troublesome. The Treants were also in a very displeased mood. We believe the Ixals were to blame so we went into their encampment to thin their numbers an hope that would calm down some of the disturbances in the area. I can only hope we were successful in the work we did that night.

I was in the house the next night just chatting an trying to make some more notes on some more difficult medical things. Such as the workings of the inner body an minor surgeries. Nothing overly complex but still I feel more at ease making notes. I feel I learn and remember things better this way. Well… Frost came by… I had to step outside for some fresh air. Especially after I had dropped my notebook an the stupid thing fell open to the doodles from the other week… I do not believe he saw them though.

I was still outside when Frost went to leave. I was finally able to apologize for Costa. He seemed as he usually did. Indifferent. I… I told him how I wanted to get to know him better. Possibly be friends. Only to be politely told he doesn’t really let anyone get to know him. If it is because of the… experiments… I’m not afraid. I’d say it is hard to be afraid of danger when you are so used to being at the center of it. Or nearly killing yourself. Though I have come far from those days where my life was near meaningless. An before I joined the order I was a free adventurer getting into all sorts of messy situations with people I barely knew beyond a name. So I will continue to try an get to know him as best as I can. I don’t care about his past. I want to see who he is now, not know who he used to be. I will… Just be cautious so as not to anger him. Or be a pest. I can be patient. Or at least try to be as patient as possible.

Of course Felix had such lovely timing… I nearly squeaked in surprise when back to the house as I was about done with my conversation with Frost. I had to wonder just how much he had heard. I talked with him for just a bit before I went back inside to rejoin the others. Where I spent some time talking with Rhisi. She wants me to talk with Aimee. Healing stuff mostly. Aimee… I do like her. She is just… A bit intimidating after that day in the medical room at the company house. I must say… Having a medical knife pointed at you because you startle someone is quite a surprise. Though I did in a unintentional way deserve it for bothering her. I guess I really do need to find time to speak with Aimee. If I can get her away from Oni. Oni… Still has not gotten even with me for Forgotten Springs. It makes me slightly paranoid.

Last night…

Last night was my first real mission. My first real healing job with the Order. It was… Much different then I expected. I am used to a fight against enemies, supporting those I am working with. Not an encampment of refugees outside Ul’dah. But I am not against helping those in need either. I guess I have just never considered doing such as an adventurer. We had a task to remove bee venom an help the healing process of those that had been stung because the local bees for some reason were… Very angry.

The first two people I helped went alright. There were no problems. Daisy even helped me by distracting the one lady while I worked. Thankfully I had some bandages handy in my pouch an gave them to Aimee and Dusk. (I might have had them because I was still debating if I wanted to turn Oni into a bandage mummy…) The third I tried to help started thrashing about… An I might have nearly lost my temper… I have been doing so well lately about keeping my temper leashed an under control too… I’m sure Aimee thinks less of me then before after that. I do not even have any sleep spells… Which was something she had asked me if I knew. Dusk had to help me out. I feel… Miserable. I feel like I should have been able to handle that better. These people were not adventurers or mercenaries. I should not have let myself think that way. I think… My teacher would be disappointed in me as well.

But… I will not sit in despair. I can not. I need to find my way past this. If I sit around an despair I will only find myself spiraling back down into the darkness of the past. I can not go back to that place again. If I do I am unsure if I can find my way free a second time… I will get past this somehow. I need to better myself. Learn from my foolishness. It was only my first true mission as a healer of the Order. I made a mistake. An I will find a way past that mistake. I have to.

Journal Entry 5 - Destiney

It is almost hard to believe a week has gone by again. I thought last week was long. This week seemed to come an go in the blink of an eye. I feel like it has been a literal whirlwind. So many comings and going this week alone.

I was… Worried? Well confused most definitely. So many of the people I knew were in the order when I joined when their own separate ways. An new faces were accepted to replenish the ranks. So it feels like a very confusing time. So many new names and faces.

However the week started off… Interesting. I did not mean to get drunk the day the next day after the last dinner with some of the members that departed. It was certainly not because of their departures. It was… More of an accident really. I was making notes up at the bar. Medical notes of course. I have been looking into non-aetherical methods of healing. Just in case. I decided to relax with a glass of the wine that Felix had introduced me to at Bronze Lake a few weeks ago. One glass turned into two… An in the end I was a bit… Tipsy when Felix showed up at the house an joined me at the bar upstairs. Okay maybe a bit more then tipsy. Somewhere along the line Rhisi an Chee joined us as well. I did not know that Oni an Aimee were downstairs. An Chee got me all flustered by admitting I have a thing for handsome dark skin elezen men. Which of course… Raiden overheard… Sigh… I ended up with another glass which I drank before heading downstairs with Chee an Rhisi. Thankfully I did not fall down the stairs. From there I only remember pieces of the rest of the night.

I remember the doodles in my notebook along the edges of the page. A rough drawing of Raiden and Frost. Eventually one of Oni looking like a devil. An one that I believe is supposed to be my father an a dead Garlean solider with arrows stuck in him. I remember calling Raiden ‘yummy chocolate’ and poking Oni. An something about my hands not being cake. No idea about how that came up. The details were lost in my drunken haze. I must remember not to drink when Oni or Raiden are about. Not that I usually drink.

I was pretty nervous to run into either of them the next day after that night. Though I did talk to Felix for a bit that day. An I might have mentioned wanting to turn Raiden an Oni into bandage mummys for that night. So the two of us might plot against them to make it happen. This could be interesting.

We went with Rhisi on a mission for a client. I will admit… I hid behind the bookcase when I heard Oni an Aimee arrive. Thankfully either Rhisi took pity on me or bless the Twelve I got lucky not to be paired with Oni for the mission. Probably because this way both teams had healers. Aimee always seems to be with Oni. Chee was invited to come with us. So the team was Rhisi, Chee, and I. A solid team if you ask me. A free paladin, a bard, and a scholar. A nice little balance.

We went into a dungeon Chee an I have some experience with out in the Shroud. Though I will admit not with a lot of success. The problem with taking a team of people you do not know is often a lack of teamwork. Things went much smoother with Chee and Rhisi though. We encountered the many traps and ambushes. Thankfully I tend to carry a few vials of echo drops since I managed to trigger a trap on myself… We did manage to find what the client was looking for. It was on a rather fearsome looking creature. However it was easier then it appeared it would be to fell. I think it is because the three of us worked so well together.

A couple of days later was when all the new faces began to join us. Konner an Rhisi had decided to recruit a few outsiders to aid us with a mission into the East Shroud. Sylph territory… How I despise those annoying pests. Those stink bombs… Ugh… But we had to venture deep inside their territory to find what Rhisi needed for the wards around the house. It was… Interesting to say the least. I nearly jumped out of my skin when one of those nasty toads landed right behind me. Thankfully we were able to make it deep enough to find what we needed upon one of the tempered Sylph. Rhisi gave it to me to hold on to. I was… Surprised. Maybe it was because she knew I would have a pouch of some sort to hold it within. Or maybe because she trusted me. It… feels nice to think that I might be trusted after only a short time with them. Then again I have given them no reason to distrust me either. We returned to the house to chat for a bit an I gave the crystal back to Rhisi.

I attempted to be present the next day to meet some of the other new faces. However I was feeling a bit under the weather. So I was forced to leave early. The extra rest was good though. I felt better today because of it. I think it might have been too much time in the heat that day. Though I had not left before Lady an Luna seemed to be plotting things. I am still worried Lady might nip Luna. Though Luna seems to think it might be a good idea to try an ride Lady around the halls…

Tonight though I got to meet some of those new faces I had not had much of a chance to interact with. As well as people outside off the Order as well. Including a few people from the neighborhood Chee an I live in. I had met X’apa early in the week while over at Chee’s house. Apparently his Free Company has a house nearby. Rhela and Suumiko from his Company came with him and us to the gathering tonight at Forgotten Springs.

I did as I usually do an was distracted by the first member of the order I felt like talking to. Which happened to be Kagato. I was a bit surprised to see him outside of his gear tonight. I don’t recall him being in swim gear last week at Costa when I first met him. We talked for a bit before I chose a spot to sit an wait for Chee to return. I would have conversed with our neighbors but they seemed busy with a few friends of theirs that had surprised them by visiting. Chee returned from whatever business she had to deal with shortly before we were joined by Tita. Apparently the girl is going to be coming by the Order house soon to take care of the chocobos. We had a pleasant conversation until she had to depart. Chee had departed as well since she was nodding off sitting beside me. So I joined Mithra and Kagato near the steps. We talked about Raiden for a few moments. An of course… Raiden has not forgotten… Ugh! Eavesdropper!

It was towards the end of the night that I could not help myself. I seen Mithra and Oni standing together. Both of them seemed so transfixed on what was happening. Mithra was rubbing his belly and Oni… Well he was enjoying it. So I pushed them both off the dock into the water below to cool them off. I am so going to pay for doing that. I am sure Oni is going to find some way to get even with me. I hope it is not licking my face like he did to Felix the night I was drinking… I better watch my back for a little while. Heh.

Anyways… I should get some rest.

Journal Entry 4 - Destiney

I wrote last week that I was seeking membership among the Order. Well… I have been accepted. Though now the question is shall I fit in among the others or will I find that easy acceptance at the gatherings is different then fighting along side them when it matters. It has…. Been a very interesting week.

I was introduced to a good bit of the members the day after the last gathering during a dinner Adlynn prepared for everyone. It was a very good meal. Adlynn is a wonderful cook. The atmosphere was much like that of a family. I had the sense of warmth being around them at gatherings usually brings. A sense of almost being like a family. Family…

I offered my skills as a healer in anyway I could be useful. I want to be useful. So I chatted with Aimee and Oni after dinner to finalize my joining. We dealt with some of the important bits of joining the order. Oh an we had cake. Cake.

Two days later I joined a Hunting party led by Rhisi. We went out into the snowy cold of Western Coerthas. We spent a bit tracking down a couple monsters who were menacing the people of the area. As well as one lead that seemed to be a fever dream someone claimed was real. Thankfully there were no serious injuries that night. Just a few scratches that were easily dealt with. A blizzard blew in suddenly so we called off any further hunting. It was probably for the best. There was no sense in losing anyone to the storms out there. Coerthas weather is no joking matter.

A few days after the hunting, I joined Rhisi and Konner for a small camping venture just outside of Gridania in the East Shroud. I remember the place fondly that they picked. My brother and I used to play there as children. There was always a wood wailer on duty by the docks. He usually watched us as a favor to our father.

I course had shown up with my bow upon my back. Rhisi knew I was a healer by profession. I had mentioned at dinner that I did have some skills with a bow but I can not remember if she had been present. So she was surprised to see me there with my father’s favorite bow. I explained to her about my father an his time as a Gods’ Quiver before his passing during the fighting at Certeneau Flatts…

But it was the events that transpired after that small camping gathering that… in a way pulled the rug from beneath my feet. I… am still trying to sort out my feelings an thoughts. It was a lot to take in an consider. I am in no way thinking of quitting or backing out now. Even if things have gotten a lot…. Stranger. More difficult. No not more difficult. I accept the challenge. I will not back down!

At first I thought that when I met Zero he was just messing with my head. Trying to confuse me. The way he described things… Was almost child-like. Almost like trying to tell some wild story to an adult. I mean who describes a serious injury as someone ‘had her air popped’… Thankfully Farrson showed up an explained things in a more clear manner. Though he left with me much to think about. Choices to make.

Apparently a few members of the company are… Unique. A product of Garlean experimentation. Garlean monsters! How they can toy with a living being… It makes me so angry! First my father dying by their hands an now I learn how they messed with peoples’ lives as if they were nothing more then… As if they were nothing more then toys to take apart an put back together! I may be past the stage of seeking revenge for taking my father from me… But I will help in any way that Aimee will allow me to. In helping them I am defying those monsters that did these unspeakable things.

I talked with Aimee the next day. I watched her fixing the wound Oni obtained a few days ago. It was… A learning experience to see first hand some of the work the Garleans had done to him. An quite the shocking experience to learn that Raiden’s aether was bound to the spear Oni carried around. How am I to consider him now? A ghost or spirit trapped in a weapon? I’m almost afraid to ask how he is able to take a physical form for the gatherings he has shown up to… I… don’t want to know… Not yet. I prefer to think of him as I was before I learned the truth. I like him an don’t want to ruin that. Just for a little while. Let me continue to believe for a little while longer. I know I should know the truth an not hide behind what I thought before I knew… But with so much to think about an learn… I need time.

Of course I was still sorting myself out when I went to the weekly gathering. I might have upset Frost… I should have chosen to wait to talk to him. Apparently he was also among those the Garleans toyed with. I… Should have waited. Stupid, stupid, stupid! I blurted out words I should not have said. He… was very cold towards me after those words. Oni an Aimee think it was because someone tricked him into showing an he is not much into gatherings of people. Still I guess I shall be apologizing to him again soon as I see him once more. Hopefully after I have gotten my head straightened out. I really did want to get to know him better since I think I recall him being from Gridania as well.

I just need time to sort out everything. Notes to make an things to learn. It is all a very lot to learn in only a few days time. So for now I am going to find a place to start an take things one step at a time. I just need to breath an be patient. Even when patience is sometimes hard.