Rhisi and Konner pulled me aside though to ask for my help with the accounting. Apparently the two of them are not the best with numbers. I may not be the best either but I will admit my work is thorough an at least better then theirs was. They tried their best though I can see that from the work they have done. As well as the fact that the Order has been running long before I came along an got asked to look at their work. So it was not really that horrible of a job. It was not a total mess. A few small mistakes here an there but nothing that was difficult to fix.
However upon taking inventory in the storage room… I found something peculiar. However there was nothing to do about it until I could find Rhisi an Konner again to mention it. So I put the thought aside yesterday morning as I did the counting. I just simply refused to touch the coffin I found.
Last night Rhisi called us together for a mission out in Southern Thanalan for the U Tribe. Our mission turned out to be a bust. We could not find what they asked us to hunt down. Something does not seem right about this. Rhisi is certain something seems wrong as well. An well… Raiden busted one of his arms while out there too so we called it a night an returned to the house.
I stood in thought mostly as the others talked. I did glance over once as Raiden replaced the busted arm with a temporary one until Chloe could repair his good one. Rhisi talked to Konner about how our mission did not go as planned. Rhisi eventually mentioned my name an the fact that I had finished the accounting work for Konner. That brought me back to the situation at hand,
I told them about the Coffin in the storage room…
Konner sent Raiden in to check into it. Aimee and I followed him. Since I had been the one to find it I figured it was best to point it out as well as make sure nothing bad happened since it was Raiden going to look. This could have gone badly. I think.
He was literally about to climb on top of the coffin when I might have made mention of finding the coffin creepier then watching Leera eat. That seemed to halt him in his tracks. I think he knew the Leera I meant. I said something about Leera. The gaze he gave me right as Rhisi walked into the room… I was not sure I wanted to know what sort of anger my words had invoked in Raiden.
As a group we decided that the coffin was better left untouched for now. An there was discussion of letting Dusk use it as part of an experiment dealing with demons an voidsent. So we locked the room up an agreed it would be better off letting the coffin remain shut for the time being until we had a more controlled way of possibly dealing with anything that might be inside of it. Hopefully there is nothing inside of it. It is still creepy none the less.
Rhisi had headed off before the rest of us. I managed to catch Raiden back in the main room of the house. I needed to ask him about Leera. I needed to know…
An I managed to set Raiden off. He was not very happy with my choice of words. Sometimes I really need to learn restraint on my words of choice. Or at least think more carefully on my choice of wording. I had not intended to make Raiden angry like I had. I let my own private pain color my words. Which had been about the worst choice I could have made.
I like Raiden, Oni, and Frost. I have absolutely nothing against them or the fact that they are different then everyone else. I know it was not their choice what happened to them. Probably none of the experiments had a choice. It is not them I have the problem with. It is the people who forced this upon them. The people who gave me a reason to… Dislike all Garleans. Aimee scolded me for using the word hate.
Aimee went to bed an left me alone with Raiden. I wanted to cry but I refused to. I had shed enough tears over my choices in the past. Maybe Rhisi is right an I need to find a way to forgive myself. Easier said then done though… I could not bear to look at Raiden… I did not like the anger he had looked at me with when I had said the things I did. I was… afraid I had ruined everything. Afraid I might have messed things up again… I wanted to hate myself. I still want to hate myself for never seeming to do anything right when it comes to Aimee. I…had really wanted to be her friend when we had first met. She probably dislikes me by now. Should I even bother trying at this point?
However his anger seemed to fade away. Our conversation turned back to the others an Leera. He thinks Leera is an ass an was just being truthful, not thinking the words might hurt me. There is so much I do not understand about them. So much I want to know. Disposal Units. Eating to survive. I should probably make notes on things. I want to understand. I need to understand. I certainly do not want to become a meal for any of them should I do or say something wrong. But not becoming a meal is not the reason I want to understand either. Part of it is curiosity that drives this need because the scholar in me wants to learn an the other is my concern for them. As if they need my worry… I want to understand so I do not risk anything, most definitely not a friendship. I guess in a way I want to walk into this nightmare of a world they live in an try to understand things better. It did not help me any on deciding if I should keep my distance from Leera or not… If I should bother to even talk to him. Damn it all.
Raiden ugh… He thinks Leera looks at me like a toy to discard when he is done being amused. Great. But… Raiden says if anyone was to eat me… Twelve save me… It would be him or Oni. Oh damn it all the thoughts that went through my head at those words. I really hate the way I think sometimes. Good thing he likes me better as a friend then a meal. So I guess that means I am safe as long as I remain his friend. Let’s see if I can not manage to screw this up. An then he just had to mention biting… I think I could not have been a brighter shade of red… Well I had asked about it… Since Leera had shown me his teeth… Ugh! I walked myself right into that one… Sometimes I think Raiden much enjoys watching my reactions… I am so glad he chose then to head off to bed.
At least I did not have the usual nightmare last night. A strange dream but definitely not a nightmare. Damn it all Raiden I blame you! Ugh! I better get some work done since the day is wearing on.
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