We talked for a bit about the experiments. I think I am slowly beginning to understand a little better. An she agrees with Raiden that Leera is just an ass. However learning the things I did while talking to her was… Very interesting in the very least. I’m hoping that in a way this information will keep me from making the same mistakes or making ones that are… fatally dangerous. If I am going to continue to have interactions with the ones I already know there is a possibility of meeting others if they should happen to come looking for Oni as Leera has. I need to keep this in mind. It does not mean I should not interact with them… Just that I should tread carefully.
I decided I need to reexamine the way I look at things. Decide on a better way to deal with what happened then to try an damn an entire people for the actions of a few. But it will not be something easy to do. Eight years is a long time to hold onto the pain an hate. But I have to try.
Eventually our talk ended as Dusk and Raiden arrived at the house. We ended up taking Dusk into the storage room to examine the coffin we had found the other day. We helped her with setting up a better wards in place against whatever might be inside of it until we can further investigate it. I… had to go into Dusk’s room to fetch items for her. I had hoped not to have to set foot in there… However she said I was perfectly safe as long as I did not touch anything besides what she sent me to get. Yes because that totally makes me feel so much safer… But we setup the wards an then left things at that for the time being.
We had a mission last night out in Central Thanalan. We stopped by the Coffer to get the details before setting to work. I… found something pulling for my attention while we were there. A deck of cards long forgotten in the darkest corner of the room. I am unsure if they were really calling out to me or if I just lucked upon them. This week has been stressful. It could have been my brain playing tricks on me.
I hurried to catch up with the others. We went down towards some old Sil’dih ruins which Spriggans have turned into their territory. We were pelted with rocks upon arrival. I panicked an threw up an aether shield as I ran for the cover of a rock.
Rhisi pulled Sarabi, Felix, and I aside to check out the other side of the area. The Spriggans near the small waterfall were doing something odd. We were not quite sure what it was they were trying to do with the water but they were ignoring us. Well expect Felix when he got too close but he was wearing heavy armor so it did not really phase him to be hit with rocks. We decided to try an get closer to the ruins an see if maybe something there might better explain what was going on.
However our examination of the ruins was cut short. The reaper magitek that had attacked the Order members the last time they were out here on a mission while I was away, was attacking again. We hurried to rejoin the others an hoped no one was hurt before we could aid them. Felix tried to get up the cliff to flank him but the reaper vanished before he could attack. Thankfully no one was hurt but we were ordered back to the house.
Rhisi asked Sarabi and I to do some research into the Sil’dih an those ruins. Looks like I have some work ahead of me. She wants us to have that information for her before the next mission. Should not be much of a problem. I surely can find out what I need as well as do my own personal research on the cards I found.
I spent a little bit of time speaking with Chloe upstairs at the bar. An we got to talking. She had asked about how I was doing. I told her. I told her about the other night with Raiden and Aimee though I had not gone into many details. Mostly how I had upset Raiden and gotten scolded by Aimee. How the next day I talked with Aimee an she reminded me just because someone is born a certain way does not make them a bad person. Birth has nothing to do with it. But letting go of a grudge held for so long is no easy task. An Chloe told me she is Garlean as well an if I wanted to know anything about her home all I have to do is ask. I should take her up on the offer. Get to understand the situation better,
I went to the Athenaeum Astrologicum this morning. I figured it was as good a place as any to start my research into these cards I had found. They did not tell me much but they did allow me to take a set of Ishgardian Astrology cards. At least it would give me something to compare them to anyways. An a start in the right direction if I go by the attitude the one student there gave me when I showed him the cards.
Once I was done running about I returned to the house with the books an research items I had gathered on both these cards and the Sil’dih. I decided to go out for a bit after some time working on both of these to an extent. I needed to stretch my legs an get some fresh air. I do enjoy research but I also enjoy being outdoors from time to time.
Rhisi was outside near the pond feeding the fish in it when I returned to the house. She asked me what I had found last night. I offered to show her inside the house where I was sure I would not accidentally lose any of the cards in the water…
Felix happened to show up as we got upstairs for me to explain. I had left my notebook at the bar anyways. I put out both sets of cards on the counter to start my explanation to Rhisi. Of course Felix had to butt in while I was explaining. Teasing me for taking a deck of cards from the Coffer… I wanted to chuck something at his head. Eventually Dusk arrived as I was explaining. She seemed to know a little about the cards as well. Well not that I had found them. But that they are a type of scrying card. So I was indeed on the right track thinking of comparing them to a deck of astrology cards. Of course Felix made more jabs about the cards as we talked.
Rhisi an Dusk both seem to think I should give these cards a chance. So I may just see if anything comes from it. If not then no harm done of course. But maybe there is a reason I found them.
Guests started to arrive. We had two ladies join us as well as Konner. An eventually as I was talking, Chee arrived. I was glad to see her. It has been some time since I last spent any real time with Chee. An Felix just had to keep pushing… So I stood up an chucked my notebook at his head… Which all he did was catch it. I tried to hurry an get it back before he could see the doodles of himself and Leera that I had added before I had left for my week off.
I ended up chasing him downstairs trying to get my notebook back from him. He had stopped as Aimee arrived. He apparently had been looking for her for a check up. Something I have never gotten myself nor have I done any even though eventually it should be part of my job. He finally gave me my notebook back but he had already seen the doodles… An then Aimee tried to suggest that I should do his exam… I thought I would die from the shock that she suggest that I do this. But Felix tried to insist that she do it. An when Aimee tried to talk him into letting me do it… He was going to leave… I thought I might die this time but not from shock… I am pretty sure he did not want me to do it because I would have proof that he is a Garlean… An I might have told him when we were drinking before about my hate for Garleans… Before I had found out all the things I had this week.
I waved him off with Aimee. Insisting he go ahead that I was going to go for a walk anyways. I did not want to take a walk though. I wanted to cry. I knew that this was my fault. I knew… He did not want to be around me because of the things I had said… I sat out near the pond an cried in silence undisturbed. I want to apologize… I want to ask for him to forgive me… But… How if I am not supposed to mention anything to him about Aimee telling me he is a Garlean…
Eventually I worked up the drive to return to the house. I was not feeling much better then when I had run out of the house though. I returned upstairs to my seat beside Chee. Rhisi brought me over a cup of tea an I tried to pretend everything was fine. But I am pretty sure both Rhisi an Chee could tell I was hurting pretty bad. I almost ended up crying again just at that. I asked Rhisi how to deal with apologizing to someone when you can not even really explain why you are apologizing since you are not supposed to mention what you know. Rhisi an Chee tried to comfort me an give me words of advice for dealing with my problem. I refrained from telling them I was upset over Felix.
Eventually Chee decided we need a girls night out as soon as possible. This might be a good idea… But Chee had to leave before we could talk much more on it. Rhisi had to step out as well for a moment. I sat there in silence for a bit thinking about what I am to do. How to apologize to Felix for my words those weeks ago while we were drinking… Eventually I got up to put away my notebook an the cards. I passed Rhisi on my way down an told her I would be back. When I returned she was gone again. Probably went out with Konner.
I sat in silence by myself as Neiven stood nearby talking to the one guest who was still present. When that guest left, Neiven came over an ruffled my hair again. She asked how I was an I told her I was having a rough week. She actually seemed at least concerned when I did not respond to her butt comments as I usually do. I told her how I had hurt some of my friends without meaning to. An how I had not had a chance yet to apologize to one of those friends. Neiven tried to make me feel better. I appreciate her effort. I decided to excuse myself an take a real walk this time.
When I returned again the house was empty. I think most had already gone off for the night. I returned here to my room where I sank to the floor an spent another bit crying. Once I could cry no more I got up an wandered for a bit, even venturing out into the Shroud. I came back with a few scraps an nicks from venturing deep into the sylph lands to try an burn off some of my emotions. I needed to find a way to ease the burden on my heart. However I still do not feel much better. Just sore an tired. I did not bother to use any healing magic on them. I washed them at the very least. A part of me wants to hurt right now… More then emotionally. But… I am not going to break. I just… need to find a way through this. I just need time… I need to find a way to make everything right. I want to continue to have that easy joking friendship with Felix without the fear of those words putting distance between us.
For now I am going to burn some of the incense I have left over from earlier in the week an sleep. I am not risking any dreams tonight. I fear they would not be good in any way…
No comments:
Post a Comment