(Part 4! More backstory for Destiney. Again in first person in attempt to better explain her feelings and the way she sees things.)
I had gone with my uncle and the others on their own journey rather then return to Gridania. My uncle was still not keen on the idea. Both Lady Dove, who I found out her full name was Moon Dove, an Leon thought this would be good for me though. I needed something to keep my mind an hands busy. My uncle though had sent word to both my mother an aunt so neither would worry about my safety. He apparently neglected to tell them though of my near death experience. Which was probably a very wise idea with my mother had already lost so much. It would not be an easy thing for her to accept me traveling with these three but knowing my uncle was watching over my well being was probably at least some relief.
Our first stop was to help deal with some pirates off west of Aleport. Leon kept casting worried glances towards me. I’m unsure why. Since we had left Wineport I was doing at least somewhat better. I think not being so close to the shadows of Occidens was helping at least to some small degree. It was not until we found the pirates an tried to engage them that I would find why he was so worried about me.
Dove was heaving her axe about in an arc keeping most of the attention on herself. Ricard an a small fairy he called Daisy were keeping up with the wounds and shields of aether. Leon fired arrows from his bow with skill that would have made the Quiver eager to have them in their order had he not been a Duskwight.
An I… I was standing there as if frozen… People. We were fighting people. I was trembling as images came to mind of that day at Occidens. Maybe this was why Leon had kept looking at me as we had made our way there. They were pirates. They did not care who they hurt as they did what they did. But the thought did not make it any easier.
One of them had managed to sneak past the others. I could see that triumphant sneer on his face as he ran towards me. Panic took hold of me as he ran at me with that gleaming knife in hand. I could not even raise my bow an shoot at him to keep him back. Instead I screamed an fell backwards. I heard a snarl an then a shadow fell over my fallen form. Leon stood before me using that gleaming white bow of his to block the blow intended for me. I could not see the expression on his face as the two of them separated. The pirate apparently though did not like the look on Leon’s face if I could judge anything by the scared look on his face. Leon was faster then the pirate, arrow notched and ready to fly. I heard the blow more then watched it. I had looked away, wincing at the sound of the arrow piercing flesh.
I had not moved from where I had fallen. The sounds of battle were beginning to dim. I could hear the sounds of feet running, fleeing from a battle they could not win. I finally opened my eyes an looked up, meeting those green eyes I had gotten so used to seeing. Leon’s expression was dark but I could not tell with exactly what emotion he was looking at me with. Or even if whatever mood he was in was towards me or the enemy. He held his hand out towards me, offering me help up from where I sat upon the damp sand. I took that warm hand an tried not to think about what he had just done with those hands.
I was surprised when he pulled me close an wrapped his arms around me for a moment. I felt… Safe. An ashamed. I had insisted upon coming along. I had insisted I would be not be broken. Yet… When it came time to pull that arrow… I had failed. I could not do it.
Eventually he pulled away from me, keeping me at arms length as he check me over for any physical injuries. When he was satisfied that I was unharmed, I felt his hand brush against my cheek. I had not even realized I had started to silently cry. I was not sure if it was from the shame or the fear that I had been close to dying again. Probably the shame of my failure.
“You’re alright. This was simply too much too soon.” He spoke softly before sighing, that dark expression from earlier now gone. Now all that remained was concern an care. “This is not something you’ll get through so easily. Take your time. Just breath right now. Pull yourself together before your Uncle gets over here an decides you’d be better off in Gridania.”
He was right. I did not want to let my uncle pack me off. I wiped my sleeves of my tunic over my face, trying to recover from this ordeal. An maybe it was indeed too much too soon. I was not ready to face other people as my targets. Though I had no one to blame but myself for this.
“Are the both of you alright?” Ricard asked as he an Dove finally joined us.
“Just fine. Nothing I could not handle.” Leon said casually with an air of confidence.
“Good. Then let us be moving. We need to report in on this job an get moving on before it gets too late.”
*~*
Wandering about the world. Seeing many sights along the way. Doing jobs where needed to earn both coin an help those in need. I watched mostly from a safe distance for at least a week. This was becoming how my days went by. Sleeping under the stars some nights rather then finding a bed to rest in.
However it was a few days after that incident with the pirates that I began to have nightmares. What I had done was finally beginning to haunt me. We were out under the stars the first night they hit. All the blood and pain. Those sneering faces. I’m pretty sure I was thrashing in my sleep. Even crying.
“Destiney!” I heard my name called out softly as I bolted to a sitting position, my eyes wide with the fear of that dream as my breath rasped from my lips. I felt his warm arms around me in that starry lit darkness. I felt his hand stroking down the back of my long hair. “It’s okay. It’s just a dream.”
I turned to bury my head against Leon’s chest. Welcoming that warm embrace that made me feel safe. He gently untangled himself from me before pulling me to my feet with him. He walked towards a nearby rock before sitting down with his back against it. I did not even know why he was the only one awake as I had been suffering from that dream. I did not even notice the wan look of his face as he pulled me down to sit beside him.
“I’m sorry… If I woke you…” I apologized as he wrapped one arm around my shoulders an pulled me close, letting me rest my head against him. His hand rubbed my shoulder softly.
“I was already awake. Just go back to sleep. I’ll be right beside you.” He said softly as my eyes started to drift closed again. I felt safe right here. Right beside him. I barely remembered feeling his head coming to rest against mine.
*~*
Eventually we finally reached Limsa. We were stopping for supplies an some rest before heading by airship to Ul'dah. My uncle left us to our own devices but left me with a linkpearl in case I needed to reach him or any of the others if I wandered off by myself. However Leon lingered after the others departed.
“How about I show you what I do for fun?” A grin spread across that lovely tanned face of his. “Of course we should get you some more appropriate clothing for where we’re going.”
I was not sure what Leon intended but I followed him anyways. Soon I wished I had not. He took me to a crafter to have some clothes made for me. It did not take very long as soon I was dressed from head to toe in a very soft sky blue silk. I looked like some sort of exotic dancer. Gold running along the edges and decorating my skin. I could see the approving look in Leon’s eyes. My cheeks were burning with blush as I felt far less clothed then I was used to.
“Where in the world are we going that you seem to insist that I need to dress… Like THIS?” I asked, trying not to be both embarrassed and angry at the same time.
“Just trust me. You’ll have a good time.” Leon said with an amused tone as I followed behind him. I could feel the couple of feathers on the outfit brushing against my skin softly. I felt far under-dressed.
He led me to a bar. I looked around at the woman an men inside as I paused in the doorway. It was not like the Drowning Wench in Limsa. A few ladies were draped over men like the cloth they wore. One of the scantily clad women strutted herself right up to Leon. A grin was plastered on that smug face of his.
“Leon, darling.” She purred as she wrapped her arms around one of his. “You have been gone for so long.”
“Cassandra. You look as radiant as ever.” He drawled as he looked at her with hungry eyes, taking in each curve of her young body. Was this really what he did for fun? Coming to seedy bars an flirty with pretty women?
“I do hope you’ve come to play for us today. I do quite enjoy your skills with that harp. Among other things.” She licked her lips at those last words.
I wanted to be sick. Something inside of me felt so sick just watching the two of them. Another part of me felt furious. Furious that he could be some warm an gentle towards me but seeing him here… Seeing him so openly behaving like this in front of me… Why even bring me here?
“An who is this?” Cassandra asked with a frown as she finally looked my way. There was a sort of distaste in her expression as she looked me over.
“Cassandra this is Destiney. She is traveling with us. I brought her here to teach her how to unwind. Would you be a doll an find her something nice to drink? Something light. I’m sure she is not ready for what I drink.” Leon said gently as he smiled at me before turning to kiss Cassandra’s cheek.
Teach me to unwind? He brought me to a bar to teach me to unwind? I was both furious and annoyed. He made me dress like this just for this? I felt about as well dressed as the girls here flirting around with the men. When we got out of here I intended to give him a piece of my mind. What kind of girl behaved like this? What kind of girl did he think I was? Of all the insufferable things… Prick!
I accepted the sparkling drink Cassandra returned in hand for me. I took a drink of it before making a face. It was not awful but I was not used to the taste. I could tell it was something alcoholic. It was probably not a good idea to be drinking it. I allowed Leon to take my hand an lead me towards what looked like a stage. He set me down in a nearby chair before climbing the steps. I watched him in silence, sipping that wine as he set down an began to ready his harp.
His first tune was light an airy as he warmed up. I could tell at least half of the patrons here were now paying him more attention then the ladies wandering about fetching drinks for them. I was slowly beginning to feel as warm as the music he played as he moved into another tune. Cassandra had eventually brought me another glass of wine. I should have stopped after that first. My head was starting to feel fuzzy an good.
Eventually as he got into a more uplifting beat I got up to dance. I did not care anymore about the eyes on me. I cared about dancing to his music. I felt too good to care as I giggled. My dancing paused as a pair of rough hands found my waist, startling me. I looked up into the weathered face of a rather roguish looking Highlander man. The grin on his face should have been a warning for me. However my mind was not processing things clearly because of the drink. He leaned towards me to try an kiss me. It was then that I was trying to get away from him. I had not even heard the music stop.
A familiar snarl sounded as the Highlander left go of me, hauled away by the back of his shirt collar. I blinked an saw Leon, fury blazing in his eyes as he shoved the man away from me. Cassandra had both hands on her hips before moving to guide the man away from the two of us. I could hear her saying something but the words did not register to me.
“Let’s go.” Leon snarled as he gently grabbed my arm an led me away from the bar.
Once outside I found him pressing me to a wall. His hands were on the wall to either side of my head as he looked down at me. I could still see the anger burning in his eyes. I felt so confused. Between the alcohol burning through my body an his being so close… I felt my cheeks flush with color.
“I said to unwind but I did not mean to let your guard down so much either.” He said as he stood there before me, my eyes on his lips as he spoke. “If I had not been there… Distractions are always nice but you are not ready for that kind of a distraction. Do you even realize what might have happened?”
“No.” I said softly as I leaned up to close that bit of distance between our lips. I was too drunk to care. His lips felt as nice as I had imagined in my mind. So warm an soft. I let out a gasp as he pulled away, pinning me to the wall by my arms now. I could not read the expression on his face. Some mix of pain an desire maybe? I could not decide nor did part of me care.
“Damn it Cassandra…” He cursed the lady’s name as he tried to catch his breath. He finally released his hands from my arms. Instead he grabbed my hand an began to lead me away from this place.
My mind was still on how his lips had felt. The way his hands had held me right then. Those days were I felt his warm arms around me. An his music. Oh the way his music made me feel alive. So warm an good. I had wanted to continue dancing to it all night before it had been interrupted. As if I could forget everything an just listen to it forever. As if I could just follow him forever…
*~*
The next few weeks went by in a blur. At first Leon spoke to me very little. I suspected the whole bar incident was still on his mind. I missed the talk between us during those periods of silence. No a word was breathed to my uncle about the whole situation. Though he did ask once if Leon was alright with how quiet he was being.
Leon had bought me a book the day after he started speaking to me again in that easy manner. I guess in a way it was to apologize. As well as to provide me with a distraction. An each night that nightmares awoke me, he was there at my side. We were once more back to the way things had been before.
I talked with him about my time in Ishgard. About my family. Even about why I had been there at Occidens that day. I told him about Dekkarra. He told me about where he was from, some small part of the Shroud I had never been to. How he had chosen to be a bard. Even how he had met my Uncle and Moon Dove.
Eventually he decided to give me another distraction. He began to teach me how to play his harp. Teaching me the songs he knew over the time we traveled together. I was no where as good as he was but it felt good. Letting the music flow from that gentle instrument. Sometimes adding words to it. Both silly and serious.
We had continued to travel about as a team, the four of us. I thought my days would always be joyous like this. Slowly the pain of my heart was easing. They refrained from jobs that would put us up against other people as much as they could. I knew it was because of me that Leon refused them. I found I could still fight with them when the targets were not other people. People… Still gave me nightmares and made me shake. Though I did not let myself become a victim again like that first time. I was slowly finding my strength to at least defend myself if they came at me. But I could not fire upon them otherwise.
When we were in a city or near a tavern I would watch Leon from a distance. I did not dress like that again. But I watched him flirt an toy with the ladies who came seeking his attention. Yet… There was something in his eyes as I watched. A sort of pain. I watched how he let this distract him from whatever plagued him. He always listened and comforted me but never once spoke of what bothered him. These ladies, the drinks, the behavior was all to hide whatever was hurting him. This is what he chose to use to forget the pain. I do not think he even knew I was watching most days. It had started out partly as curiosity an just a bit of jealously.
Part of me wanted Leon to look at me like he did those women. Why was I not good enough? But then my brain would remind me of Dekkarra. My heart felt like it was torn in two between these men. How could I love them both? Was it really love I was feeling towards Leon or just the fact he was always there to comfort me when I needed it? So I kept my thoughts to myself. Whatever burden he bore was probably already heavy enough without me adding to it with feelings I was unsure of.
*~*
It was a few months later I finally learned just what weight Leon bore… I wished time could have stopped before we reached this moment. Done something to keep things from taking this path… Anything to help him…
He had started coughing as he rode upon his chocobo. I saw the scarlet staining his hand. My eyes widened in concern. His face looked strained as I called for my Uncle. He turned his chocobo around an quickly rode back to join us.
“Leon?” Ricard’s voice was full of concern for his friend as he dismounted. He walked over an helped Leon down from the saddle. I watched my uncle force Leon to sit down with his back against a rock to support him as Dove took care of the chocobos. Even her face was lined with concern. I had too dismounted an knelt nearby wondering if there was anything I could do.
Leon looked awful. His face was so pale despite that tanned skin an his lips flecked with his own blood. I watched him as he shook his head at my uncle. Ricard’s hand found my uncle’s. There was something in the silence between them. Some sort of understanding.
“What? What is wrong?” I asked in near panic at the pain in both of their eyes. “Can you not just heal him?”
“Give us a moment would you, old friend.” Leon said softly to my uncle who just nodded. I watched him walk away to join Dove with the chocobos.
“Leon? I do not understand. What is going on? Tell me what is going on!” I could hear the near panic in my voice. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes but not falling yet. No not yet.
“Dest… Sweet Dest.” I watched as he coughed again, more scarlet staining his lips an hand. “My days are over. I knew they were numbered for a very long time.” His hands took mine, hands I was used to being so warm an strong. Yet always so gentle. Now the tears did finally begin to fall. I did not even care that his hand was bloody as it held mine. “I’ve tried for years to make the most of every day. To live each day as it might be my last… Because it very well could be. I’ve been… ill for a very long time…”
“But you’ve been fine! Maybe Uncle Ricard could heal you! You’ll be fine!” I sobbed softly as he talked like he was dying. I was not ready to lose him. I did not want to let him go.
“No… There is no cure for what plagues me. I’ve done my best to keep it hidden from you… I did not want to… hurt you more then you were already hurting. As I tried so hard to keep my feelings hidden for you as well…” He reached up to touch my cheek with his clean hand. This only made me cry harder. To know he did have feelings for me. To know he just tried to keep them hidden to avoid making this any harder then it already was.
“Why! Don’t give up! I… I can’t lose you… Please…” I did not care that I was surely crying loud enough for the others to hear.
“Shh.” His fingers brushed over my lips. “Everyone has to die someday. But death is not the end. It is merely another step in our paths… I will find you again someday. Even if we have to wait another lifetime… But you need to keep living. Live everyday to the fullest. For me.” I nodded as tears streaked down my soft cheeks. I did not want to let him go. Not now. Not as I found he felt the same way about me as I did of him. “I had wanted very much wanted to let you know that night in Limsa how I felt about you. But I did not wanted to burden your heart with more pain.”
“Leon…” I whispered his name softly an leaned in to kiss his lips softly. His kiss tasting of him an the metallic taste of his blood. One final kiss. A kiss good bye. I pulled back an looked into those pain filled green eyes. I wanted to do anything I could to ease this burden an pain.
“Keep finding a way to repair that part of you that is damaged. Return to that guy you love in Gridania. Marry him an be happy.” I held his hand against my cheek as he spoke to me. “Hell find distractions if you must. Just… Be happy… For me. Find a way to be happy.”
I nodded, unable to find my voice to speak again. He reached into his tunic an pulled out a green stone that was brighter then the green of his eyes. He pressed it into my hands gently. “One last gift. Take it. An my harp. I leave them to you. To remember me by.”
I left go of his hand as he pulled it away to motion for Ricard to join us again. My uncle joined us, taking his friend’s hand. I watched some of the pain ease in Leon’s face as my uncle used his healing aether to relieve it. I wished silently that there was more I could do. I gripped his bloody hand as my uncle held his over. Dove had finally joined us though she kept her distance so that the two of us could remain close.
“Rest easy, my friend.” Ricard said softly to Leon as I sat there in silence.
“Just promise… You won’t ship her away when I’m gone…” Leon said with a soft smile as he gazed towards me. “Keep helping her find her way in this crazy world…”
“I promise.” Ricard looked between the both of us. I think he knew that we had both shared feelings for one another. Feelings that had not been confirmed between the two of us until it was too late.
I watched as Leon closed those beautiful green eyes for the last night. His chest finally no longer rising with air. I cried harder as his life finally left him. I felt my uncle’s arms go around my shoulders as he pulled me close.
*~*
I stood on top of a high rock in the woods of the Shroud. We had brought Leon home for him to rest where he belonged. My arms were wrapped around myself against the chill of the day. It was sure to rain later. I had long since cried myself dry.
I had decided on the last leg of this journey back to the Shroud on what I was going to do with my life. I had told my uncle I wished to study in his arts. I wanted to be able to heal others and ease their pain. I wanted to help people like Leon. Make their lives easier even if their lives would eventually come to an end. I wanted to be there for people like I had been for Leon.
“Coming?” I heard my uncle call to me. I nodded to him as I climbed down from the rock to join him. Dove had left us after we had returned Leon home. It was now just Uncle Ricard and myself. We set out of the next length of our journey. Together. It was strange. In Leon’s death I felt closer now to my uncle then I had before. I smiled at him as I caught up to him.
The first real smile I had felt like giving since Leon’s passing. But I knew he did not want me to be sad forever. For this was not the last time we would see one another. I would always keep my eyes open for him. But… I would also find happiness. Even if I never see him again in this life I knew there would be a chance I could find him in the next. So I would be happy now. For his sake.
I had gone with my uncle and the others on their own journey rather then return to Gridania. My uncle was still not keen on the idea. Both Lady Dove, who I found out her full name was Moon Dove, an Leon thought this would be good for me though. I needed something to keep my mind an hands busy. My uncle though had sent word to both my mother an aunt so neither would worry about my safety. He apparently neglected to tell them though of my near death experience. Which was probably a very wise idea with my mother had already lost so much. It would not be an easy thing for her to accept me traveling with these three but knowing my uncle was watching over my well being was probably at least some relief.
Our first stop was to help deal with some pirates off west of Aleport. Leon kept casting worried glances towards me. I’m unsure why. Since we had left Wineport I was doing at least somewhat better. I think not being so close to the shadows of Occidens was helping at least to some small degree. It was not until we found the pirates an tried to engage them that I would find why he was so worried about me.
Dove was heaving her axe about in an arc keeping most of the attention on herself. Ricard an a small fairy he called Daisy were keeping up with the wounds and shields of aether. Leon fired arrows from his bow with skill that would have made the Quiver eager to have them in their order had he not been a Duskwight.
An I… I was standing there as if frozen… People. We were fighting people. I was trembling as images came to mind of that day at Occidens. Maybe this was why Leon had kept looking at me as we had made our way there. They were pirates. They did not care who they hurt as they did what they did. But the thought did not make it any easier.
One of them had managed to sneak past the others. I could see that triumphant sneer on his face as he ran towards me. Panic took hold of me as he ran at me with that gleaming knife in hand. I could not even raise my bow an shoot at him to keep him back. Instead I screamed an fell backwards. I heard a snarl an then a shadow fell over my fallen form. Leon stood before me using that gleaming white bow of his to block the blow intended for me. I could not see the expression on his face as the two of them separated. The pirate apparently though did not like the look on Leon’s face if I could judge anything by the scared look on his face. Leon was faster then the pirate, arrow notched and ready to fly. I heard the blow more then watched it. I had looked away, wincing at the sound of the arrow piercing flesh.
I had not moved from where I had fallen. The sounds of battle were beginning to dim. I could hear the sounds of feet running, fleeing from a battle they could not win. I finally opened my eyes an looked up, meeting those green eyes I had gotten so used to seeing. Leon’s expression was dark but I could not tell with exactly what emotion he was looking at me with. Or even if whatever mood he was in was towards me or the enemy. He held his hand out towards me, offering me help up from where I sat upon the damp sand. I took that warm hand an tried not to think about what he had just done with those hands.
I was surprised when he pulled me close an wrapped his arms around me for a moment. I felt… Safe. An ashamed. I had insisted upon coming along. I had insisted I would be not be broken. Yet… When it came time to pull that arrow… I had failed. I could not do it.
Eventually he pulled away from me, keeping me at arms length as he check me over for any physical injuries. When he was satisfied that I was unharmed, I felt his hand brush against my cheek. I had not even realized I had started to silently cry. I was not sure if it was from the shame or the fear that I had been close to dying again. Probably the shame of my failure.
“You’re alright. This was simply too much too soon.” He spoke softly before sighing, that dark expression from earlier now gone. Now all that remained was concern an care. “This is not something you’ll get through so easily. Take your time. Just breath right now. Pull yourself together before your Uncle gets over here an decides you’d be better off in Gridania.”
He was right. I did not want to let my uncle pack me off. I wiped my sleeves of my tunic over my face, trying to recover from this ordeal. An maybe it was indeed too much too soon. I was not ready to face other people as my targets. Though I had no one to blame but myself for this.
“Are the both of you alright?” Ricard asked as he an Dove finally joined us.
“Just fine. Nothing I could not handle.” Leon said casually with an air of confidence.
“Good. Then let us be moving. We need to report in on this job an get moving on before it gets too late.”
*~*
Wandering about the world. Seeing many sights along the way. Doing jobs where needed to earn both coin an help those in need. I watched mostly from a safe distance for at least a week. This was becoming how my days went by. Sleeping under the stars some nights rather then finding a bed to rest in.
However it was a few days after that incident with the pirates that I began to have nightmares. What I had done was finally beginning to haunt me. We were out under the stars the first night they hit. All the blood and pain. Those sneering faces. I’m pretty sure I was thrashing in my sleep. Even crying.
“Destiney!” I heard my name called out softly as I bolted to a sitting position, my eyes wide with the fear of that dream as my breath rasped from my lips. I felt his warm arms around me in that starry lit darkness. I felt his hand stroking down the back of my long hair. “It’s okay. It’s just a dream.”
I turned to bury my head against Leon’s chest. Welcoming that warm embrace that made me feel safe. He gently untangled himself from me before pulling me to my feet with him. He walked towards a nearby rock before sitting down with his back against it. I did not even know why he was the only one awake as I had been suffering from that dream. I did not even notice the wan look of his face as he pulled me down to sit beside him.
“I’m sorry… If I woke you…” I apologized as he wrapped one arm around my shoulders an pulled me close, letting me rest my head against him. His hand rubbed my shoulder softly.
“I was already awake. Just go back to sleep. I’ll be right beside you.” He said softly as my eyes started to drift closed again. I felt safe right here. Right beside him. I barely remembered feeling his head coming to rest against mine.
*~*
Eventually we finally reached Limsa. We were stopping for supplies an some rest before heading by airship to Ul'dah. My uncle left us to our own devices but left me with a linkpearl in case I needed to reach him or any of the others if I wandered off by myself. However Leon lingered after the others departed.
“How about I show you what I do for fun?” A grin spread across that lovely tanned face of his. “Of course we should get you some more appropriate clothing for where we’re going.”
I was not sure what Leon intended but I followed him anyways. Soon I wished I had not. He took me to a crafter to have some clothes made for me. It did not take very long as soon I was dressed from head to toe in a very soft sky blue silk. I looked like some sort of exotic dancer. Gold running along the edges and decorating my skin. I could see the approving look in Leon’s eyes. My cheeks were burning with blush as I felt far less clothed then I was used to.
“Where in the world are we going that you seem to insist that I need to dress… Like THIS?” I asked, trying not to be both embarrassed and angry at the same time.
“Just trust me. You’ll have a good time.” Leon said with an amused tone as I followed behind him. I could feel the couple of feathers on the outfit brushing against my skin softly. I felt far under-dressed.
He led me to a bar. I looked around at the woman an men inside as I paused in the doorway. It was not like the Drowning Wench in Limsa. A few ladies were draped over men like the cloth they wore. One of the scantily clad women strutted herself right up to Leon. A grin was plastered on that smug face of his.
“Leon, darling.” She purred as she wrapped her arms around one of his. “You have been gone for so long.”
“Cassandra. You look as radiant as ever.” He drawled as he looked at her with hungry eyes, taking in each curve of her young body. Was this really what he did for fun? Coming to seedy bars an flirty with pretty women?
“I do hope you’ve come to play for us today. I do quite enjoy your skills with that harp. Among other things.” She licked her lips at those last words.
I wanted to be sick. Something inside of me felt so sick just watching the two of them. Another part of me felt furious. Furious that he could be some warm an gentle towards me but seeing him here… Seeing him so openly behaving like this in front of me… Why even bring me here?
“An who is this?” Cassandra asked with a frown as she finally looked my way. There was a sort of distaste in her expression as she looked me over.
“Cassandra this is Destiney. She is traveling with us. I brought her here to teach her how to unwind. Would you be a doll an find her something nice to drink? Something light. I’m sure she is not ready for what I drink.” Leon said gently as he smiled at me before turning to kiss Cassandra’s cheek.
Teach me to unwind? He brought me to a bar to teach me to unwind? I was both furious and annoyed. He made me dress like this just for this? I felt about as well dressed as the girls here flirting around with the men. When we got out of here I intended to give him a piece of my mind. What kind of girl behaved like this? What kind of girl did he think I was? Of all the insufferable things… Prick!
I accepted the sparkling drink Cassandra returned in hand for me. I took a drink of it before making a face. It was not awful but I was not used to the taste. I could tell it was something alcoholic. It was probably not a good idea to be drinking it. I allowed Leon to take my hand an lead me towards what looked like a stage. He set me down in a nearby chair before climbing the steps. I watched him in silence, sipping that wine as he set down an began to ready his harp.
His first tune was light an airy as he warmed up. I could tell at least half of the patrons here were now paying him more attention then the ladies wandering about fetching drinks for them. I was slowly beginning to feel as warm as the music he played as he moved into another tune. Cassandra had eventually brought me another glass of wine. I should have stopped after that first. My head was starting to feel fuzzy an good.
Eventually as he got into a more uplifting beat I got up to dance. I did not care anymore about the eyes on me. I cared about dancing to his music. I felt too good to care as I giggled. My dancing paused as a pair of rough hands found my waist, startling me. I looked up into the weathered face of a rather roguish looking Highlander man. The grin on his face should have been a warning for me. However my mind was not processing things clearly because of the drink. He leaned towards me to try an kiss me. It was then that I was trying to get away from him. I had not even heard the music stop.
A familiar snarl sounded as the Highlander left go of me, hauled away by the back of his shirt collar. I blinked an saw Leon, fury blazing in his eyes as he shoved the man away from me. Cassandra had both hands on her hips before moving to guide the man away from the two of us. I could hear her saying something but the words did not register to me.
“Let’s go.” Leon snarled as he gently grabbed my arm an led me away from the bar.
Once outside I found him pressing me to a wall. His hands were on the wall to either side of my head as he looked down at me. I could still see the anger burning in his eyes. I felt so confused. Between the alcohol burning through my body an his being so close… I felt my cheeks flush with color.
“I said to unwind but I did not mean to let your guard down so much either.” He said as he stood there before me, my eyes on his lips as he spoke. “If I had not been there… Distractions are always nice but you are not ready for that kind of a distraction. Do you even realize what might have happened?”
“No.” I said softly as I leaned up to close that bit of distance between our lips. I was too drunk to care. His lips felt as nice as I had imagined in my mind. So warm an soft. I let out a gasp as he pulled away, pinning me to the wall by my arms now. I could not read the expression on his face. Some mix of pain an desire maybe? I could not decide nor did part of me care.
“Damn it Cassandra…” He cursed the lady’s name as he tried to catch his breath. He finally released his hands from my arms. Instead he grabbed my hand an began to lead me away from this place.
My mind was still on how his lips had felt. The way his hands had held me right then. Those days were I felt his warm arms around me. An his music. Oh the way his music made me feel alive. So warm an good. I had wanted to continue dancing to it all night before it had been interrupted. As if I could forget everything an just listen to it forever. As if I could just follow him forever…
*~*
The next few weeks went by in a blur. At first Leon spoke to me very little. I suspected the whole bar incident was still on his mind. I missed the talk between us during those periods of silence. No a word was breathed to my uncle about the whole situation. Though he did ask once if Leon was alright with how quiet he was being.
Leon had bought me a book the day after he started speaking to me again in that easy manner. I guess in a way it was to apologize. As well as to provide me with a distraction. An each night that nightmares awoke me, he was there at my side. We were once more back to the way things had been before.
I talked with him about my time in Ishgard. About my family. Even about why I had been there at Occidens that day. I told him about Dekkarra. He told me about where he was from, some small part of the Shroud I had never been to. How he had chosen to be a bard. Even how he had met my Uncle and Moon Dove.
Eventually he decided to give me another distraction. He began to teach me how to play his harp. Teaching me the songs he knew over the time we traveled together. I was no where as good as he was but it felt good. Letting the music flow from that gentle instrument. Sometimes adding words to it. Both silly and serious.
We had continued to travel about as a team, the four of us. I thought my days would always be joyous like this. Slowly the pain of my heart was easing. They refrained from jobs that would put us up against other people as much as they could. I knew it was because of me that Leon refused them. I found I could still fight with them when the targets were not other people. People… Still gave me nightmares and made me shake. Though I did not let myself become a victim again like that first time. I was slowly finding my strength to at least defend myself if they came at me. But I could not fire upon them otherwise.
When we were in a city or near a tavern I would watch Leon from a distance. I did not dress like that again. But I watched him flirt an toy with the ladies who came seeking his attention. Yet… There was something in his eyes as I watched. A sort of pain. I watched how he let this distract him from whatever plagued him. He always listened and comforted me but never once spoke of what bothered him. These ladies, the drinks, the behavior was all to hide whatever was hurting him. This is what he chose to use to forget the pain. I do not think he even knew I was watching most days. It had started out partly as curiosity an just a bit of jealously.
Part of me wanted Leon to look at me like he did those women. Why was I not good enough? But then my brain would remind me of Dekkarra. My heart felt like it was torn in two between these men. How could I love them both? Was it really love I was feeling towards Leon or just the fact he was always there to comfort me when I needed it? So I kept my thoughts to myself. Whatever burden he bore was probably already heavy enough without me adding to it with feelings I was unsure of.
*~*
It was a few months later I finally learned just what weight Leon bore… I wished time could have stopped before we reached this moment. Done something to keep things from taking this path… Anything to help him…
He had started coughing as he rode upon his chocobo. I saw the scarlet staining his hand. My eyes widened in concern. His face looked strained as I called for my Uncle. He turned his chocobo around an quickly rode back to join us.
“Leon?” Ricard’s voice was full of concern for his friend as he dismounted. He walked over an helped Leon down from the saddle. I watched my uncle force Leon to sit down with his back against a rock to support him as Dove took care of the chocobos. Even her face was lined with concern. I had too dismounted an knelt nearby wondering if there was anything I could do.
Leon looked awful. His face was so pale despite that tanned skin an his lips flecked with his own blood. I watched him as he shook his head at my uncle. Ricard’s hand found my uncle’s. There was something in the silence between them. Some sort of understanding.
“What? What is wrong?” I asked in near panic at the pain in both of their eyes. “Can you not just heal him?”
“Give us a moment would you, old friend.” Leon said softly to my uncle who just nodded. I watched him walk away to join Dove with the chocobos.
“Leon? I do not understand. What is going on? Tell me what is going on!” I could hear the near panic in my voice. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes but not falling yet. No not yet.
“Dest… Sweet Dest.” I watched as he coughed again, more scarlet staining his lips an hand. “My days are over. I knew they were numbered for a very long time.” His hands took mine, hands I was used to being so warm an strong. Yet always so gentle. Now the tears did finally begin to fall. I did not even care that his hand was bloody as it held mine. “I’ve tried for years to make the most of every day. To live each day as it might be my last… Because it very well could be. I’ve been… ill for a very long time…”
“But you’ve been fine! Maybe Uncle Ricard could heal you! You’ll be fine!” I sobbed softly as he talked like he was dying. I was not ready to lose him. I did not want to let him go.
“No… There is no cure for what plagues me. I’ve done my best to keep it hidden from you… I did not want to… hurt you more then you were already hurting. As I tried so hard to keep my feelings hidden for you as well…” He reached up to touch my cheek with his clean hand. This only made me cry harder. To know he did have feelings for me. To know he just tried to keep them hidden to avoid making this any harder then it already was.
“Why! Don’t give up! I… I can’t lose you… Please…” I did not care that I was surely crying loud enough for the others to hear.
“Shh.” His fingers brushed over my lips. “Everyone has to die someday. But death is not the end. It is merely another step in our paths… I will find you again someday. Even if we have to wait another lifetime… But you need to keep living. Live everyday to the fullest. For me.” I nodded as tears streaked down my soft cheeks. I did not want to let him go. Not now. Not as I found he felt the same way about me as I did of him. “I had wanted very much wanted to let you know that night in Limsa how I felt about you. But I did not wanted to burden your heart with more pain.”
“Leon…” I whispered his name softly an leaned in to kiss his lips softly. His kiss tasting of him an the metallic taste of his blood. One final kiss. A kiss good bye. I pulled back an looked into those pain filled green eyes. I wanted to do anything I could to ease this burden an pain.
“Keep finding a way to repair that part of you that is damaged. Return to that guy you love in Gridania. Marry him an be happy.” I held his hand against my cheek as he spoke to me. “Hell find distractions if you must. Just… Be happy… For me. Find a way to be happy.”
I nodded, unable to find my voice to speak again. He reached into his tunic an pulled out a green stone that was brighter then the green of his eyes. He pressed it into my hands gently. “One last gift. Take it. An my harp. I leave them to you. To remember me by.”
I left go of his hand as he pulled it away to motion for Ricard to join us again. My uncle joined us, taking his friend’s hand. I watched some of the pain ease in Leon’s face as my uncle used his healing aether to relieve it. I wished silently that there was more I could do. I gripped his bloody hand as my uncle held his over. Dove had finally joined us though she kept her distance so that the two of us could remain close.
“Rest easy, my friend.” Ricard said softly to Leon as I sat there in silence.
“Just promise… You won’t ship her away when I’m gone…” Leon said with a soft smile as he gazed towards me. “Keep helping her find her way in this crazy world…”
“I promise.” Ricard looked between the both of us. I think he knew that we had both shared feelings for one another. Feelings that had not been confirmed between the two of us until it was too late.
I watched as Leon closed those beautiful green eyes for the last night. His chest finally no longer rising with air. I cried harder as his life finally left him. I felt my uncle’s arms go around my shoulders as he pulled me close.
*~*
I stood on top of a high rock in the woods of the Shroud. We had brought Leon home for him to rest where he belonged. My arms were wrapped around myself against the chill of the day. It was sure to rain later. I had long since cried myself dry.
I had decided on the last leg of this journey back to the Shroud on what I was going to do with my life. I had told my uncle I wished to study in his arts. I wanted to be able to heal others and ease their pain. I wanted to help people like Leon. Make their lives easier even if their lives would eventually come to an end. I wanted to be there for people like I had been for Leon.
“Coming?” I heard my uncle call to me. I nodded to him as I climbed down from the rock to join him. Dove had left us after we had returned Leon home. It was now just Uncle Ricard and myself. We set out of the next length of our journey. Together. It was strange. In Leon’s death I felt closer now to my uncle then I had before. I smiled at him as I caught up to him.
The first real smile I had felt like giving since Leon’s passing. But I knew he did not want me to be sad forever. For this was not the last time we would see one another. I would always keep my eyes open for him. But… I would also find happiness. Even if I never see him again in this life I knew there would be a chance I could find him in the next. So I would be happy now. For his sake.
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